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jekyll and hyde 6
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Posts: 10
(7/24/06 9:13 pm)
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Where Your Road Leads, sequel to IHTBY (Zach & Kendall)
A/N: I was told by Gidget at Z&K that this fic required a warning. So with that being said, here it is. You may want to bring along your Kleenex. She also suggested not to read this all in one sitting to catch up. I'll leave that decision up to you.
The title of this fic is based on a song that was written by Victoria Shaw/Desmond Child and sung by Trisha Yearwood and Garth Brooks. Below are the lyrics:
Where Your Road Leads
I believe in miracles
I believe in signs
And I believe that mountains move
One prayer at a time
If I could be an angel
I'd make your every wish come true
But I am only human
Just a woman
Lovin' you
Where your road leads
I will follow
When your heart bleeds
I'll be there for you
When your night grows dark
And you can't find your tomorrow
Then you can follow me
Someday we'll look back and see
Our footprints in the sand
Sometimes you would carry me
And sometimes you'd be in my hands
If we can love forever
That won't be long enough for me
I want to hold you tender
Be your shelter
All you need
Where your road leads
I will follow
When your heart bleeds
I'll be there for you
When your night grows dark
And you can't find your tomorrow
Then you can follow me
Oh, we can be each other's guiding light
Through this long and winding life
Where your road leads
I will follow
When your heart bleeds
I'll be there for you
When your night grows dark
And you can't find your tomorrow
When you've lost sight of your dreams
Then you can follow me
And so it begins...
** Avatar by the Amazing O! **
Beautiful banner below made for me by Kristine with a little help from TK ~
  Edited by: jekyll and hyde 6 at: 7/24/06 11:34 pm
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jekyll and hyde 6
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Posts: 12
(7/24/06 9:22 pm)
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Re: Where Your Road Leads (Sequel to It Had To Be You)
Chapter 1
Present – September 2006
She grasped the brass doorknob in her hand and turned it slowly, her heart pounding in her chest as she pushed the door open. It was so quiet; the only sound a soft hum coming from the fan circling above her head. Balancing the laundry basket on her hip, Kendall walked directly towards the chest against the far wall, slowly placing the basket on top and began to empty the freshly laundered blankets into the drawers below. As she lifted the basket in one hand and turned to leave the room, she noticed a scrap of material fall to the floor. Bending over, she picked up the tiny sleeper and rubbed her finger over the small Winnie the Pooh embroidered on the front. Clutching it to her chest, she walked slowly towards the empty crib.
Kendall’s shaking hand reached inside the crib to gingerly pick up the small blue cotton blanket and brought it to her face, inhaling the familiar faint scent of baby powder as tears began to well in her eyes. Turning slowly, she allowed her eyes to roam around the room. It was as if nothing had changed; everything was still in its place waiting for her to return to her routine. The changing table still held the powder and the lotion she had used on Nicholas, with stacks of diapers, wipes, and onesies on the shelves below. Walking slowly, Kendall made her way to the rocking chair in the corner of the room, a gift from her husband when the baby had been born. Noticing the stuffed brown bear on the seat, she bent to pick it up and clutched it to her breast, covering it with the sleeper and the blanket as she slowly sank into the wooden chair. Rocking the bear slowly, she closed her eyes and let the tears fall like rain down her cheeks, silently and in abundance. Things were never going to be the same again.
************
Inserting his key in the lock, Zach turned it and pushed the back door open, closing it behind him after flicking on the hallway light. “Kendall?” he called out. He walked along the hall, his eyes searching the darkened kitchen and living room before ascending the stairs to the second floor. Flicking on another light, he continued down the hall, sticking his head into their bedroom. “Kendall?” His eyes surveyed the room taking in the pristinely made bed and the lack of anything out of place. Where was she? Zach continued down the hall, slowing as his eyes noticed the room at the end. The door was open. It was never open. Zach dragged a hand through his hair, his stomach dropping as he realized where his wife was. She was in the nursery. Schooling his face, he headed towards the open door, and upon reaching it stopped short at the sight before him. Kendall was in the rocker, asleep, her right hand clutching a blue blanket to her chest, her left arm dangling over the arm of the chair. Below her arm on the floor was a small stuffed bear.
Loosening his tie, Zach slid a finger inside his collar and moved it back and forth in an attempt to alleviate the choking feeling in his throat. Unsuccessful, he opted to unbutton the top button of his dress shirt, the collar stiff underneath his fingertips. Zach entered the dark room slowly, the only light coming from the hallway behind him, and crouched in front of the rocker, gently placing his hands on Kendall’s knees. His eyes found the sleeper in her lap before his gaze roamed across her face, taking in the telltale signs of exhaustion, the blue-black shadows under her eyes, the paleness of her skin, the tracks of dried tears on her cheeks. His heart ached. Slowly reaching out, he caressed her cheek with the back of his hand, whispering softly. “Kendall?” Zach moved his hand to her hair, brushing back the curl that had fallen on her cheek to tuck it behind her ear, before reaching for her left hand and placing it in her lap, his hand covering hers. “Kendall?” he repeated, “Baby, wake up.” He watched as her head turned towards him, her eyes closed as her mouth began to move, her voice low and unintelligible. Zach closed his eyes and leaned forward, placing his cheek close to hers, her breath fanning across his face. His heart stopped upon hearing the anguish in her voice as she whispered, “Baby…I want my baby,” a lone tear escaping to roll slowly down her cheek. Zach reached up to wipe the tear away, his fingers caressing the side of her face. So do I, he thought. So do I.
Nuzzling her cheek into his hand, Kendall opened her eyes, her gaze soft and unfocused. After blinking several times and taking in the lack of light she pulled away, her eyes wide and anxious. “Nicholas…it’s late…he needs to be fed…” She moved to get up but Zach blocked her way, his eyes closed, and his head shaking. “Kendall, no. Don’t.” he replied, swallowing hard as he opened his eyes and watched the confusion appear on her face. He was going to have to break her heart all over again. Placing his hands over hers, he continued softly, his voice hoarse. “Nicholas isn’t here. He’s gone, honey.”
Kendall shook her head back and forth, her curls bouncing, and smiled softly into her husband’s face. Pulling her hand out from under his, she reached out and ran her fingers over his forehead, attempting to smooth out the furrows between his brows. “No he’s not, Zach, he’s right over there in his crib.” she said, pulling her hand back to gesture behind him, before laying it in her lap. Noticing the soft cotton blanket clutched to her chest, she pushed Zach away gently so she could stand. “And Nicholas needs his blanket.” she continued, stopping to turn on a small table lamp as she walked over to the crib, Zach following behind her, softly calling her name. “Kendall…” He’d barely spoken her name before she gasped. Zach felt his stomach clench as waves of helplessness drifted over him. Kendall’s eyes widened with panic, her face draining of color. “Nicholas is gone!” Kendall spun around to look at her husband, only to find him looking resigned and watching her silently. “How can you just stand there doing nothing? We need to call…” her voice trailing off as she recognized the pain in Zach’s eyes. Oh God, she thought as the memories began to bombard her, Nicholas wasn’t ever coming back. Her knees buckling, Kendall sank to the floor, hot tears running down her face as she pulled her knees to her chest, the blanket still clutched tightly in her hands as her entire body shook with the force of her sobs.
Kneeling down beside her, Zach tried unsuccessfully to pull her into his arms, her hands swatting him away like an annoying fly. After managing to secure a grip under her arms, he pulled her upright, his eyes trying to look into hers. When their gazes locked, he felt as if he had been punched in the gut, for Kendall’s eyes were full of hate. “Get your hands off me, you murdering son of a bitch!” she screamed, her arms flailing. “This is your fault. You’re the reason my son is dead!” Her tears were falling faster now, her chest heaving as she tried to breathe air into her lungs when she lifted her right hand and slapped Zach across the face. Zach’s eyes hardened, his jaw tightening as his cheek began to sting. Horrified, Kendall watched her small handprint appear on her husband’s face. Unable to meet his gaze, she closed her eyes against the tears and let her body sink back down to the floor.
Zach straightened his shoulders and moved closer, sliding an arm underneath her legs and another around her shoulders, to lift Kendall’s squirming body into his arms. The more she fought him, the tighter he held her, not even flinching when she began to pummel his chest and shoulders with her small fists as she cried. He left the nursery and headed to their bedroom, crossing the threshold into the room and headed towards their bed. Lowering her down to the bed, he watched helplessly as she shoved away from him and curled herself into a ball, her knees pulled up to her chest. Sighing softly, he reached for the throw at the end of the bed, unfolding it and draping it over Kendall’s shaking body, making sure to pull it up underneath her chin as he leaned down to kiss her cheek. He missed when she turned her head, effectively shutting him out. Zach’s hand hovered above her hair for a moment, his fingers itching to touch the soft brown curls cascading on the pillow. Deciding against it, Zach retracted his hand and headed out into the hall to catch his breath, the sound of Kendall’s broken sobs loud in his ears.
Descending the stairs quickly, he headed into the living room and made his way to the liquor cabinet, switching on the light above it. Zach reached into his jacket to pull out his cell phone and flipped it open, pressing in the newly memorized number before holding it to his ear. “Dr. Marshall? Zach Slater…. You said to call if…yes, she had an episode of sorts tonight…She’s resting now…thank you. I’ll see you shortly.” He flipped the phone closed and returned it to his pocket before opening the liquor cabinet and pulling out the large bottle of Pinwinnie scotch. Zach rubbed his forehead, trying to alleviate the pounding in his head, as he set the scotch on the cabinet. Grabbing a glass from the bar, he poured himself a much needed finger of scotch and downed it, feeling the alcohol burn its way down his raw throat before heading to the kitchen for some ice.
************
Zach paced the hall outside his bedroom, his eyes frequently straying to the closed door. Looking down at his wrist for the third time, he sighed, realizing the doctor had only been in with Kendall for fifteen minutes. He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes, wishing that he had listened to his instincts. He should never have gone into the casino this morning. Edie was more than capable of handling the day-to-day operations of his casino and whatever she couldn’t handle could’ve easily been handled over the phone. He should’ve been home with his wife. Some husband you are, Slater, he thought to himself. After all, it had only been three weeks. Three weeks …twenty-one days since their world had come crashing down. Shifting his gaze to the closed nursery door at the end of the hall, he lifted his eyes upwards in an attempt to blink away the mist that covered his eyes. If he had stayed home, this setback wouldn’t have happened. And Kendall had been right earlier… it was his fault. His reverie was interrupted when Dr. Marshall emerged from the bedroom. Pulling himself away from the wall, Zach made his way over to the doctor. “So, how is she?” he asked as he ran a hand through his hair.
Dr. John Marshall looked his patient’s husband in the eye before answering, choosing his words carefully. “Mr. Slater, your wife is under an extreme amount of stress. She’s just been through a major trauma. But, I am concerned that she appears to be delusional.” Zach’s eyes flashed at the doctor’s words. Stepping into the doctor’s personal space, he leveled a glare at him “My wife is not delusional!” he spat, his voice lowering instantly as he remembered Kendall was asleep. “She was just…confused. I startled her when I woke her up.”
“Mr. Slater”, Dr. Marshall continued softly, “You said yourself this wasn’t the first time. And after talking to her just now, her condition appears to have worsened. She thinks you killed the baby. How can you not see that as anything other than delusional? I’d like to recommend that you bring her to Oakhaven where I can admit her for a few days. I can treat her much more effectively there. In the meantime, I have given her something to help her sleep.” Backing away from the doctor, Zach began to pace the hallway, coming to a stop in front of the closed nursery door. Placing his palm upon the door and leaning his head against it, he closed his eyes, trying to come up with another line of defense, refusing to admit to himself that Kendall needed that kind of help. Opening his eyes, he turned his head and caught the doctor’s sympathetic gaze. Enunciating slowly, his voice dangerously low, he said “My wife is not crazy, Dr. Marshall, so I suggest you come up with a different solution.”
Realizing that Zach wasn’t going to back down, Dr. Marshall reached into his pocket for his prescription pad and a pen. He made a few notations on the top sheet and ripped it off, handing it to Zach saying, “Here’s the name of a grief counselor that specializes in this type of trauma. I hesitate to give her medication now, so I would ask that you watch her for any signs of depression and call me if you notice any sudden changes in her behavior.” Zach took the small slip of paper and slid it into his breast pocket. “Thank you for coming on such short notice. We appreciate it.” he said, accompanying the doctor downstairs and walking him to the door. Dr. Marshall stopped and tried one last time. “Mr. Slater, I really wish you’d reconsider...” Extending his hand out to the doctor, Zach shook the doctor’s hand saying “I’ll be in touch.” and he quietly closed the door behind him.
Zach took a deep breath before heading back up the stairs, his feet slow and his heart heavy. Walking to the bedroom door, he opened it slowly, pushing it against the wall and leaning against the doorjamb, his eyes on the sleeping form of his wife. After a few minutes he headed over to Kendall’s vanity, taking its upholstered chair and moving it to his wife’s bedside. He shrugged out of his jacket and hung it on the back of the chair before sinking down onto its frame. Leaning forward to place his elbows on his knees, Zach lowered his head into his hands and ran his fingers through his hair, massaging his fingers against his temples trying to relieve some of the throbbing in his head. It wasn’t working. Closing his eyes, he rested his head against the back of the chair, his mind playing over the events of the last six months leading up to the pivotal moment that had changed their lives forever.
** Avatar by the Amazing O! **
Beautiful banner below made for me by Kristine with a little help from TK ~
Edited by: jekyll and hyde 6 at: 8/5/06 5:13 pm
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jekyll and hyde 6
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Posts: 13
(7/24/06 9:26 pm)
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Re: Where Your Road Leads (Sequel to It Had To Be You)
Chapter 2
Six months earlier – March 2006
“You what?” Zach asked, his eyes widening in shock as he replayed her words in his head. ‘I gave Ryan paternal rights to the baby.’ Incredulous, he watched as she continued to go through the mail, systematically putting one envelope behind the other, studiously avoiding his gaze. Dropping the mail in the basket on the hall table, she attempted to move past him, stopping when he grabbed her arm, his fingers unconsciously digging into her skin. “Kendall, what the hell were you thinking?” he asked, his eyes flashing in anger as she pulled away and headed into the living room.
Kendall rubbed her arm gently and continued towards the sofa, stopping to bend and pick up her half-read magazine from the coffee table where she’d left it the night before. Following along behind her, he continued, his anger palpable. “Obviously you weren’t thinking.” Watching her back stiffen, Zach reached out to turn her around to face him, finally sick of her avoiding his gaze. Tossing the magazine back on the table behind her, Kendall faced her husband, outrage in her eyes. “You sanctimonious bastard! How dare you call me stupid? I made the decision to include the father of my child in his life, where he belongs. That’s all.”
Zach sucked in his breath, trying to ignore the sharp pain in his chest that her words inflicted, while his mind raced as he tried to follow his wife’s convoluted thinking. He knew that there had to be more to her sudden change of heart. There was no way she would’ve made that kind of decision by herself. “Someone got to you, didn’t they? Who got to you?” he asked as his eyes narrowed.
Shaking her head, Kendall ignored the truth of Zach’s assumption and lashed out, hurt that he would automatically discard the idea that she could have possibly made the decision on her own. “Well, thanks for the vote of confidence, Zach. You just proved that you’re just like everyone else. ‘Kendall can’t make a decision on her own.’ she mimicked sarcastically. ‘We need to tell her what to think and how to feel.’ What happened to the whole ‘I’ll support whatever decision you make’ speech? I’ll tell you what happened to it. It was a lie. What you really meant was that ‘I’ll support whatever decision you make as long as it’s what I think you should do.’ I should’ve known better. You’re a fraud.” She felt the tears burning in her eyes but she refused to let them fall in front of him. Stepping aside, she walked past him, heading for the hallway, only to have him yank her back.
Zach was furious. How dare she try to turn this around on him? “Well, isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black? Let’s be honest Kendall. This isn’t about me disagreeing with your decision. It’s all about you and Ryan and that child you’re carrying. You just invited him right into the middle of our marriage without giving me a second thought. What’s next? Are you going to invite him into our bed as well?” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, and he felt the sharp sting of her hand across his cheek. With her hand on her rounded belly, Kendall backed up slowly, the hurt in her eyes quickly veiled and replaced with anger.
“Well, if that’s the way you feel about it, then I suggest you find yourself another bed because you’re not invited into mine.” Turning around, she left the room and headed upstairs. A few seconds later he heard the bedroom door slam. Storming into the hall, Zach pulled his keys out of his pocket and opened the front door, slamming it shut behind him, unsure of where he was going as long as it was far away from there.
************
Entering the code into the alarm outside his office, he cursed when a cheerful little beep indicated that the code was incorrect. “Son of a bitch!” Taking a deep breath, he punched his code in again, grunting as the little red light turned green. He shoved the door open, uncaring that it slammed into the wall behind it and headed to his desk, flopping down heavily in his leather chair as his eyes scanned the work on his desk. He picked up a file marked March 2006 OPE and opened it, glancing over the casino’s operating expenses and current profit margin quickly as the numbers blurred before his eyes. Cursing, he threw the file across the desk.
When that didn’t make him feel any better, he took his arm and swiped it along the top of his desk, taking everything but the computer and sending it all onto the floor. Her parting shot ran through his head. ‘I suggest you find yourself another bed because you’re not invited into mine.’ Without a conscious thought, his left hand reached out and shoved the flat panel monitor off the corner of his desk, sending it crashing to the floor to land in a shower of sparks. ‘Are you going to invite him into our bed as well?’ Zach sighed heavily as his ill-chosen words replayed over and over in his head. ‘That was low, Slater. Real low.’ he thought to himself.
Pushing away from the desk, he stood and walked over to the credenza, his eyes on the large decanter of scotch. Opening the ice bucket, Zach retrieved a few cubes and dropped them into his glass before adding the amber liquid. He brought the glass to his lips, but before he could partake, Edie’s voice penetrated the haze that was clouding his brain. “Is there a problem, Zach?” she asked, her eyes taking in the disarray, especially the sparking monitor.
Closing his eyes, he ran the side of the glass across his forehead. He refused to turn around, and instead took a deep long drink before answering “Not at all.” Edie watched her employer walk back to his desk, the decanter stuffed under his arm, and stop behind it to slam his wedding picture face down on the shelf. Folding his frame into his chair, he set the decanter and his glass down on the desk in front of him before meeting Edie’s concerned gaze. “Was there something you wanted?” he asked as he opened up his desk drawer and pulled out another file.
Reading the emotion in Zach’s eyes, Edie shook her head, answering “Not at all. I’ll have another monitor sent up right away. Don’t work too late.” Zach watched her walk away and shook his head, his gaze shifting back to the glass in front of him. This was the only ‘work’ he was going to be doing tonight.
************
Present – September 2006
Opening his eyes, Zach turned his head away from Kendall towards the table in the corner. Seeing the empty vase, he sighed softly in remembrance. Who would’ve guessed that Maggie would be right? After that first fight with Kendall, that vase had been full of pink roses for weeks, necessitating the need to put the florist on speed dial. And now, there weren’t enough roses in the world to fix this.
Turning his attention back to his sleeping wife, he hesitated before reaching out to touch her cheek. Her face was soft; all traces of her anguish washed away in an instant thanks to the sedative Dr. Marshall gave her. Stretching his legs out in front of him, his foot came in contact with a small red ball. Bending over to pick it up, Zach squeezed it gently, a soft squeak piercing the stillness of the room. After a quick glance over at Kendall, he sighed in relief when he saw that he hadn’t disturbed her sleep and returned his gaze to the ball. Winnie. A small smile crossed his lips as he thought of his impulsive gift to his wife…
************
Three months earlier – June 2006
The elevator chimed announcing its arrival to the top floor of the building. Zach walked into Fusion carrying a covered Peterboro basket with a giant red bow and made a beeline for Kendall’s desk. His wife’s head was bent over a file, her small teeth gnawing on her pen. Standing in front of her desk, he placed the basket on top of it, casting a shadow across the paper she was reading. Rocking back on his heels, his hands in his pocket, Zach waited for Kendall to look up.
Kendall raised her head to find her husband before her, grinning. His smile was infectious and she felt a smile appear on her face as well. “Hi, Hubby.” Her gaze traveled from her husband to the basket before her and back again. “What did you do now?”
Zach came around the side of her desk, leaning his hip against it, and bent to give his wife a quick kiss. “I got you a gift. Wanna see?” He could barely contain his excitement, reminding her much of Miranda on Christmas morning.
Kendall looked warily into Zach’s eyes. “I don’t know. Do I?” Reaching out to the basket, she lowered both handles to their respective sides and placed her hand on the lid, jumping in her chair as the basket began to vibrate. “What the hell is that?” she asked, as Zach began to laugh. Flipping the lid open, he said, “It’s your first foray into motherhood. I thought we should practice.”
Kendall’s eyes traveled back to the basket, her eyes widening as a brown furry head emerged and began to whine. Rolling her chair back she stared in horror as the furry little animal crawled out of the basket and onto her monthly projections. “Get that thing off of my desk!”
Reaching out to the puppy, Zach picked her up and cradled her in his arms. “Shh…” he whispered to the puppy as he scratched it behind her ears, “She didn’t mean it. She’s just a little hormonal these days...” Meeting Kendall’s eyes over the puppy he chastised his wife softly. “You hurt her feelings, Kendall. Apologize.” He held the puppy in front of her face, laughing when the puppy stuck out her little pink tongue and licked Kendall’s nose.
Grabbing a tissue, Kendall wiped her nose and glared at her husband. “Zach, please tell me what on earth were you thinking. Do I look like a dog person to you?” She gestured to her clothing, lifting her strappy heels for emphasis. “Do you see me taking it for a walk?”
Zach brought the Cocker Spaniel puppy to his chest, petting it gently. “Actually, she reminded me of you.”
Kendall rolled her eyes. “Oh, this ought to be good. So what exactly are you saying? Just because I licked chocolate off of you last night, you made the immediate leap to ‘Let’s get Kendall a dog?’ It was chocolate, Zach. What else was I supposed to do?”
Shifting the puppy into one hand and threading his free hand through her hair, he brought her mouth to his for a warm, wet kiss. “I love how you can’t resist chocolate”, he murmured against her lips. Pulling back to look in her eyes, he smiled, his hand caressing her cheek. “She reminded me of you because she’s cute...” Zach kissed the tip of her nose. “She’s feisty...” He kissed her cheek. “and she loves me.” He slanted his mouth over hers and deepened the kiss. “She’s perfect.” He leaned back and held the puppy out to her, both Zach and the puppy giving her Zach’s patented head tilt. “Now, how could you resist this face?”
What you mean is ‘How could I resist you?’ she thought to herself. God help me, I can’t. Kendall shook her head as she tentatively reached out to the puppy, taking him and placing him on her belly. Looking into the puppy’s eyes, she began to lay the ground rules. “OK, since it looks like I’m stuck with you” she began, shooting a look of annoyance at her husband before locking eyes with the puppy, “we need to get a few things straight. I will feed you. I will play with you. However...I will not walk you. I will not clean up after you.” Kendall stopped as the puppy took another swipe at her nose. Closing her eyes, she sighed in resignation and finally gave in to the laugh bubbling up inside her. “But - the minute you touch any of my shoes, both you and your Daddy will be sleeping in the doghouse.”
Grinning broadly, Zach stood up and moved to her side, reaching out to tilt her head back and cover her lips with his.
************
Present – September 2006
Noticing how still the house was without the baby and Winnie, Zach placed the small red ball into his jacket pocket, promising himself to go and visit her at Bianca’s. Bianca. He smiled at the thought of her. She had literally dropped everything and flown to Pine Valley when she had heard about Nicholas, renting a house nearby for her and her family so that she could be there for her sister in her time of need.
He watched as she rolled over to his side of the bed, her hand reaching out to stroke his pillow. Pulling it towards her, he heard her murmur his name. “Zach…” His eyes burned with unshed tears. Knowing that she needed him, and that she wouldn’t let him help her, tortured his soul. Reaching out, he touched the empty space she left behind, the imprint of her body on the duvet warm beneath his hands.
Giving into temptation, Zach stood up from the chair and climbed gingerly onto the bed. Being careful not to touch her or disturb her in any way, he closed his eyes and allowed his tired body to absorb her heat. Inhaling her scent, his mind drifted back to the last night they spent together…
** Avatar by the Amazing O! **
Beautiful banner below made for me by Kristine with a little help from TK ~
Edited by: jekyll and hyde 6 at: 8/5/06 5:14 pm
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jekyll and hyde 6
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Posts: 14
(7/24/06 9:29 pm)
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Re: Where Your Road Leads (Sequel to It Had To Be You)
Chapter 3 – NC17
Three weeks earlier – Late August 2006
“Kendall, what is taking you so long? Zach asked, as he walked into the bedroom to find his wife looking in the mirror, putting the finishing touches on her hair. “You can’t improve upon perfection, you know.” Moving her hair aside, he placed a soft warm kiss to the side of her neck, his fingers absently playing with the spaghetti straps of her dress. Meeting her husband’s gaze in the mirror, Kendall smiled seductively, murmuring “Patience, Husband” as she reached up to touch his face. Sliding his hand down her back, his fingers found the hidden zipper on the back of her black dress. Inching it down slowly, Zach placed several soft kisses on the newly exposed skin as he whispered against it. “What do you say we skip dinner? I’d much rather…” His voice trailed off as Kendall pulled away, her body turning around in his arms, and reached up to straighten his tie. “I know exactly what you’d rather be doing, but you promised me dinner and dancing and I’m holding you to it.”, she said, her eyes glowing into his, “Now zip me up.”
Zach reached around her to pull the zipper back up, groaning into her ear. “But it’s been so long…I need my wife back.” He nipped at her ear as he slid his hands down to her hips, pulling them flush against his. “And in case you need reminding, a man in love has big needs.” Kendall laughed softly. “Yes, I’m very aware of needs, and I promise to take care of each and every one of those needs…starting with my own, right after we get back from dinner.” She moved away from him, grabbing her purse and wrap from the bed, and headed to the door. “Are you coming?” she asked as she looked over her shoulder to catch her husband checking her out, his eyes traveling slowly up and down her body. “We both will be if you let me send the nanny home,” he said, smirking. Kendall blushed furiously before shaking her head and walking towards the nursery, Zach following behind her, cell phone in hand saying, “Hey, we still have time…”
************
Zach swirled the scotch around in his glass before taking a drink, his eyes fixated on his wife, her skin luminous in the restaurant’s candlelight. The romantic dinner he had planned had gone off without a hitch for once, and he and Kendall had even been able to enjoy a dance or two before she had voiced her craving for dessert. He watched in amusement as she polished off the last of her chocolate soufflé, her pink tongue licking the spoon clean. Catching his eye, Kendall blushed and smiled softly as she reached for his hand, her fingers threading themselves through his before squeezing gently. “Thank you for tonight, Zach,” she began. “It’s been wonderful…” Her voice faded away as her thoughts turned to Nicholas. “But you miss our son.” Zach finished the thought for her, bringing her hand to his lips. “It’s okay, Kendall, you’re allowed to miss him. You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t… Hey,” he whispered when he saw her eyes begin to shimmer. “I miss him too.” Rubbing his thumb across her knuckles, he continued softly. “This is the first time you’ve been away from him. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t expect you to want to go home and check on little Nick. I get that…more than you know.”
Kendall’s eyes filled up with tears as she gazed at the amazing man in front of her. How did she ever get so lucky? She watched silently as he kissed her knuckles before releasing her hand and pushing back his chair to move to her side. Pulling out her chair, Zach extended his hand and helped Kendall to her feet, his voice soft as he whispered, “Let’s go home.”
************
Closing the front door behind the nanny, Zach turned and headed back upstairs and made his way to the nursery. Standing in the doorway, he watched his wife as she rocked their son to sleep. He didn’t think there was a more beautiful sight than the one in front of him.
Kendall hummed softly as she rocked, her finger gently rubbing Nick’s cheek as she tried to coax him to sleep, Winnie curled up by her feet. Feeling Zach’s eyes on her, she turned her head and smiled, inclining her head to indicate that she wanted him to come closer. “Isn’t he beautiful?” she whispered, her eyes returning to the tiny baby in her arms. Shrugging off his jacket and coming to stand beside her, Zach reached out to gently stroke Nick’s head with his finger. “Yes, he is” he whispered back as he crouched down beside the rocker, his voice thick with emotion as he gazed upon the little boy who had changed his life. Kendall reached out and caressed Zach’s jaw before sliding her hand to the back of his neck and pulling him closer. She smiled into his eyes before placing a soft kiss on his lips. “Nick’s very lucky to have you for a dad.” Threading his fingers through her curls, he pulled her lips back to his and gave her a kiss of his own. “You’re wrong,” he said, shaking his head as he looked down at Nick. “I’m the one who’s lucky.”
Feeling a nudge against his thigh, Zach looked down to see Winnie, her dark brown tail wagging exuberantly back and forth. Scratching behind her ear with his free hand, he laughed softly. “How’s my girl? Miss me?” Winnie vibrated with excitement, attempting to bathe Zach’s hand with her little pink tongue before nudging it with her head. Watching the interaction beside her, Kendall rolled her eyes in frustration. “Of course she missed you,” she whispered sarcastically. “She only tolerates me…did I mention I caught her in my closet today attempting to destroy my favorite sandals? I told you when you brought her home-” The rest of her tirade was cut off as Zach covered her lips with his, intent on making sure she forgot about her “sleeping in the doghouse” threat – especially since they had planned the night ahead of them for what seemed like forever. Pulling away, Kendall looked down at Nick in her arms, sighing with relief when she saw that he was asleep. Turning back to her husband, she gestured to the ball of fur beside him. “Why don’t you take your girlfriend outside while I put Nick down?” Zach stood up and placed a quick kiss on her lips. “Fifteen minutes?” he asked, as his lips traveled to the side of her neck. Kendall closed her eyes, letting the sensation of his lips against her skin wash over her. “Ten…” she whispered in his ear, “…no more than ten.” Smiling, Zach turned on his heel and headed for the doorway, Winnie trailing along behind him.
Grabbing a few dog treats from the canister on the counter, Zach opened the back door and followed Winnie out onto the deck, closing the door behind them. Barking her excitement, the puppy took off down the steps leading to the backyard, running in circles before heading over towards the fence. Zach sat down on the wooden steps to wait, his mind occupied with thoughts of his wife back upstairs.
It wasn’t long before Winnie returned, her wet nose nudging his hand, trying to get at her treats. Shaking his head, Zach lifted his hand in the air. “Not so fast. Sit.” Winnie obediently sat down, her head cocked to the side, her dark eyes fixed on his hand. “Now we had a deal. You’re supposed to stay away from Kendall’s shoes. If you ruin any of them, she’ll try to ship you off to her mother and I won’t be able to protect you.” Never mind what she’d do to me since I brought you home in the first place. Winnie whimpered before shaking her head vigorously, her ears flapping against her head. Zach laughed. “Yeah, I wouldn’t want to live with Erica either after she tried dressing me in pink satin.” He extended his hand, opening it to reveal three small treats. “Your little escapade almost threw a wrench into my plans for tonight, and as much as I love you, there is no way I am going to let you derail them for me. A man has needs, you know. Now, are you going to be good?” Winnie barked twice, her tail wagging furiously. “That’s my girl.” Zach placed the treats on the step next to him and reached out to scratch her behind her ears. One quick glance at his watch and he shot to his feet. “Alright, Winnie, let’s go. I have a date.”
Zach took the stairs two at a time and headed for the bedroom, flicking on the light to find the room empty. Removing his jacket, he tossed it in the direction of the chair in the corner only to have it land on Winnie instead. Zach shook his head and walked over to unbury the puppy. “Winnie, what are you doing?” Wagging her tail, Winnie dropped to the ground and rolled over on top of Zach’s shoes. “Oh, no you don’t, you promised to be good.” Zach bent to pick up the puppy and walked to the door, stopping to pick up one of her toys. “You need to go apologize to Kendall for attempting to destroy her shoes. Now, try to be cute. Remember, she’s a sucker for the Slater head tilt. And you know, some kissing up wouldn’t hurt.” He held out her toy, a small stuffed duck, and watched as Winnie grabbed it with her teeth. Placing her on the ground, he ushered her out the door. “Go to Kendall”, he said and watched as she headed towards the nursery.
Zach lit the candles on the nightstands on either side of the bed, bathing the bed in a soft glow. Walking back over to the doorway, he flicked the overhead light off and headed to the window, his eyes fixed on the stars in the sky. He watched as a shooting star streaked across the sky. What do they say? Make a wish? He shook his head. It had been a long time since Zach Slater wished for anything. And now, he had a family and a place to belong. He never wanted anything to change. Closing his eyes, he whispered softly. “May this night never end.”
************
She found him a half hour later in their dimly lit bedroom, standing by the window, with his hands in his pockets. She stopped to turn on the baby monitor on the nightstand before heading over to her husband. Moving behind him, Kendall slid her hands through his arms to clasp them around his waist. “I’m sorry I’m late. Nick woke up again and then your dog wouldn’t come out from underneath the crib so I left her in there.” Laying her cheek against him, she felt the tense muscles of his back beneath her cheek. “Hey, what’s wrong?” she asked as she attempted to turn him around. When Zach didn’t reply, she moved around him and wedged herself between him and the window. “Zach, what is it?” she pressed, her voice fading away when he finally lowered his head. His eyes were bright with unshed tears.
Seeing the concern in Kendall’s eyes, Zach pulled her to him and wrapped his arms tightly around her, burying his head in her neck and closing his eyes. They remained that way for a few minutes before Zach lifted his head to look into her beautiful green eyes. “Thank you”, he whispered, his voice hoarse. Kendall reached up to loop her arms around his neck, her fingers sliding into his hair. “For what?” she asked, her eyes searching his. Zach reached up and cupped her face in his hands before answering. “For everything. You. Nick. Our family. You’ve given me so many things that I never even knew I wanted. And now I do want them all…desperately.” Zach bent his head and pressed his lips to hers, groaning when Kendall opened her mouth under his.
The feel of her against him sent his senses into overdrive, causing him to plunder her mouth as if he couldn’t get enough of the taste of her. His hands skimmed her body before grasping her hips and pulling them tightly against his arousal. “God, I’ve missed you,” he breathed before moving his lips to her neck and nibbling gently on her soft skin.
Kendall’s heart pounded in her ears, her body trembling. It had been so long. “Zach,” she whispered in his ear, “please.” Mistaking the tone in her voice for reproach, he stiffened and pulled back, moving his arms back to around her waist. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to rush you,” he said as he hugged her gently. “We can wait a little longer. Your body needs…” His voice was cut off when Kendall leaned back and yanked his head down to hers, kissing him soundly. Catching him by surprise, her tongue slipped past his lips to mingle with his, her body pressing itself against him. Ending the kiss she slid her hands down his chest, deftly undoing his tie and sliding it out from underneath his collar before tossing it to the floor. “My body needs…you.” She watched in satisfaction as the desire she felt was reflected in his eyes. Moving her hands to his chest, she began to unbutton his shirt, stopping when Zach reached down and stilled her hands. “Are you sure?” he asked. “The doctor said…”
Kendall cut him off. “The doctor said to wait a minimum of six weeks after the baby was born, Zach, seven if we wanted to be extra-careful. We’ve waited eight.” She watched as he weighed her words carefully. “We’ve been planning tonight for weeks now, Zach. I need to be close to you again.” Zach searched her eyes before leaning down to kiss her. Releasing her hands, he lifted her up into her arms and carried her towards the bed, stopping beside it to set her down on her feet. “I love you” he whispered before his lips came crashing down on hers. Kendall closed her eyes as the fireworks she had forgotten existed began to explode behind her eyes. Blindly she reached for the buttons on his shirt, her fingers fumbling in her haste to touch his skin. Seconds later she was pushing the shirt from his shoulders, down his arms and onto the floor. Needing to catch her breath, Kendall pulled back, her eyes straying to the smooth skin of his muscled chest. She leaned forward and placed a warm openmouthed kiss on his neck before traveling lower, her tongue darting out to taste his skin before he dragged her mouth back to his.
Zach kissed her again, this time seductively. Each stroke of his tongue was a caress that left her wanting more, begging her to respond in kind. When she did, he growled low in his throat and sucked her tongue slowly, his hands moving to the zipper at the back of her dress. He released the zipper gradually, his fingers trailing tenderly over her soft skin. By the time he had it completely undone, Kendall was trembling in anticipation, her eyes dark with emotion in the soft light. Hooking his fingers underneath the spaghetti straps of her dress, he slid them gently off her shoulders and down her arms. Stepping back, Zach watched as her little black dress sank unhindered to the floor, leaving her only in a scrap of black silk.
Kendall closed her eyes in embarrassment as Zach’s eyes ran greedily over her body, stopping to catalogue the changes that having Nicholas had caused; her breasts were fuller even though she had been unable to nurse, her stomach still slightly curved with the remaining baby weight she carried. She was a vision. Reaching out, he touched her smooth skin, in awe of the body before him that had carried his son. He let out a low whistle, causing her to open her eyes in surprise. “Kendall, you’re even more beautiful now.” He watched as her eyes began to glisten. Kendall reached out to touch his cheek before placing a kiss on his lips. “I love you, Zach,” she whispered through her tears. “And I love you” he whispered as he pushed her gently backwards onto the bed. “And before the night is over, you’re going to know just how much.”
Kendall scooted backwards onto the bed, pushing the throw pillows to the floor as he climbed up after her. Raising an eyebrow, she glanced down at his dress pants. “Aren’t you a little overdressed?” Raising himself above her, he insinuated his leg between hers and lowered his hips to hers. “We’ll worry about me later. Right now, I want to focus on you.”
He began with soft, gentle kisses on her forehead and her cheeks, painstakingly avoiding her lips even when she kept turning her head to meet his. She gave up trying to kiss him when he moved his lips to her neck, and instead arched her neck to give him better access. After a few minutes he moved onto her ear, his warm breath causing her to shiver. He gently nipped her lobe before soothing it with his tongue, hearing her moan his name. “Zach…I want you to kiss me.”
“Shh…” he began, placing his finger against her lips. “Later…For now, just relax and take it all in…” He removed his finger and placed a chaste kiss on her lips before continuing on down her throat, his lips finding her wildly racing pulse. Sucking gently, he nipped her neck before placing little kisses on her shoulder before tracing her collarbone with his tongue. Zach moved lower, his lips sliding over the curve of her breast, his mouth seeking and finding a taut nipple. Taking it into his mouth, he sucked gently and was rewarded when Kendall inhaled sharply and arched upwards off the bed. He felt her hand fist itself in his hair, tightening as she tried to hold him to her. Removing her hand from his hair and opening her fist, he moved it to the headboard behind her, silently encouraging her to wrap her hand around one of the slats. When his mouth moved to her other breast, Kendall groaned and closed her eyes, lost in a myriad of sensations. Releasing her throbbing breast, he blew on her wet nipple gently, the cooling sensation causing it to harden further. He flicked it with his tongue before nipping it gently with his teeth, causing Kendall to tremble beneath him.
Zach continued his journey, placing a series of wet openmouthed kisses across her stomach, feeling the involuntary contractions of her abdomen beneath his lips. He swirled his tongue in her navel, his mouth curving against her skin as her hips lifted against him. “Zach, please…” she begged, her breathless voice making its way to his ears. Lifting his head, his eyes met hers as his hand began to slide up the inside of her thigh. He held her gaze as his fingers met the warm silk and rubbed it gently. He watched Kendall swallow with difficulty, her breathing shallow and quick. Hooking his fingers in the silk, he rolled it over her hips and down her legs before tossing it to the floor. Sliding back up her body, Zach covered her mouth with his, his tongue slipping past her lips to tangle with hers. Reaching down to slide his hand between her thighs, his fingers began a slow and steady climb. “Open for me, Kendall” he rasped against her lips, his fingers dancing along her skin causing her over stimulated body to jerk beneath his hand. “Let me touch you. I need to touch you.” She closed her eyes, the sensations coursing through her body stronger than ever before. Relaxing her muscles, she felt Zach’s hand invade her sensitive flesh, the level of her arousal evident beneath his fingers. Stroking her softly, he watched her body react to his touch; her hips undulated against his hand, her body straining, needing so much more than he was willing to give at the moment. Moving to lie between her thighs, he placed her legs over his shoulders, as he gently opened her to his gaze. Grasping her hips tightly, Zach pulled her towards him, holding her still as his mouth closed over her warm, wet center. Feeling her world begin to spin out of control, Kendall reached behind her, wrapping her other hand around a slat in the headboard, and held on tight.
He feasted on her slowly, nibbling gently on her swollen flesh before sucking it gently into his mouth. “Zach…Oh God…Zach…” she gasped as she moved her head back and forth on the pillow, the knuckles of her hands white as she clutched the slats behind her. He licked her slowly, his tongue delving into her warm folds, caressing, swirling round and round, until her entire world was reduced to the feel of his tongue against her flesh. Zach felt her body tighten as she tried to fight the involuntary sensations assaulting her body, her hips bucking against him even as she tried to move away. “Zach…no…stop…” Kendall begged, her voice sounding desperate to even her own ears, groaning as her husband ignored her pleas and tightened his grasp on her hips. “…Please, Zach...” she panted, “…not like this…I want you with me.” Raising her head from the pillow, she opened her eyes and tried to capture his gaze with hers. Lifting his head, Zach met her passion-filled gaze. “Next time,” he promised, his eyes holding hers as he lifted her hips slightly and slid his tongue slowly over her aroused flesh. “A-a-ah!” he heard her cry out as she squeezed her eyes shut, her head falling back onto the pillow with a muffled thud as Zach began to suck rhythmically, pulling her closer and closer to the edge.
He smiled against her as he felt Kendall attempt to press her thighs together in a futile attempt to hold off the inevitable. Removing his hands from her hips, he placed them on the inside of her thighs, the strength of his hands effectively holding her captive for his questing tongue. “I want you to come for me, Kendall,” he said hoarsely, his tongue fluttering against her, the sensation vibrating through her body. Her hips jerked violently against him as she pulled against the headboard behind her. He could hear her gasping for air, her voice rising in pitch as she repeated his name over and over, the erotic sounds turning him on even more. “Come for me, Kendall. Give in to it,” he groaned, taking her into his mouth and grazing her gently with his teeth. “No end,” he rasped, his tongue circling slowly. “No limit,” he continued, his tongue flicking back and forth. “No fear…” he finished as he plunged his tongue deep inside her warm, wet heat.
Zach released her thighs and grabbed Kendall’s hips, forcefully holding her against his mouth as she came apart in his hands “Zach!” she screamed as she shattered into a million tiny pieces, her body shaking as wave after wave of her powerful climax washed over her. Relentlessly he pushed her further, not stopping until all the tremors subsided. Crawling up her body, he braced himself over her, lowering his head as his mouth sought hers.
Kendall opened her mouth beneath his, moaning softly as she tasted herself on his tongue. Releasing her death grip on the headboard behind her, she buried her hands into his hair, anchoring his mouth to hers. After several soulful kisses, Zach moved his lips to her neck and nuzzled gently, his warm breath caressing her skin. Kendall removed her hands to slide them down Zach’s smooth, strong chest, feeling the muscles in his stomach clench as her fingers trailed slowly over his skin. Turning her head slightly, she whispered ‘Is it later yet?’ in his ear as she cupped him through the fabric of his parts. Zach sucked in his breath sharply, the muscles in his arms tightening as he closed his eyes and fought to remain in control. “Kendall…” he growled, moving involuntarily against her hand. Taking advantage of the fact that he had his eyes closed, Kendall moved her hands to his shoulders and pushed, succeeding in flipping him on his back next to her. She quickly followed and straddled his thighs.
Zach’s eyes flew open as he landed forcefully, the bed bouncing beneath him. “What the hell…” he began, his voice fading away when he saw that his wife was naked on top of him, her hands busy undoing his belt. Yanking his belt from his pants, she held it up in the air as she asked “You were saying?” Zach reached up to wrap his hand around her neck and drag her lips down to his. “Hurry”, he murmured against her lips, “I was saying ‘hurry.’” Kendall’s laugh was smothered as he kissed her, any comment she was planning to make evaporating in the heat of his mouth. Feeling him shift restlessly underneath beneath her, she pulled back to gasp for air, her hands working feverishly to remove his pants. Zach lifted his hips so she could peel the layers of fabric away, catching his breath as the air hit his overheated skin. Tossing his pants onto the floor, Kendall slithered back up his body to straddle his thighs, hovering just above his hardness, the warm, wet heat of her body teasing him until she felt the tip of him pressing against her, begging for entrance.
Zach groaned, his hips lifting and thrusting against her, his need to be inside her almost unbearable. “Kendall,” he rasped, his hoarse voice extremely sexy to her ears, “please…” Reaching out to grasp her hips, he tried to lower her onto his throbbing shaft. Kendall thwarted his efforts, raising herself up onto her knees, wanting to make him wait. She heard him curse colorfully as he squeezed his eyes shut, his body taut beneath hers as he tried to regulate his breathing. After a few deep breaths, Zach opened his eyes, his body somewhat under control…at least it was until Kendall’s eyes met his, the desire in her gaze palpable as her need finally overrode her wish to tease. Her gaze unwavering, she sank down slowly, taking him into her body. Neither one moved right away, both trying to absorb the incredible sensation of finally being together again.
Kendall was the first to move, the need to assuage the hunger that his body created within her directing her actions. She lifted herself up and released him slowly only to lower herself back down to take him inside, moaning when she felt him along every nerve ending inside her. The intensity was overwhelming, causing Kendall’s legs to shake in reaction, her body to stop moving on his. Zach watched as she closed her eyes tightly, her breasts rising and falling with her heightened breathing, trying to hang on. Tightening his jaw as he tried to slow his body down, he lifted her off of him and rolled them onto their sides, to face each other, before cupping her cheek with his right hand. Opening her eyes, Kendall inhaled sharply at the heady mix of love and lust in Zach’s eyes. She watched as his lips came closer, only to close her eyes again when his mouth opened over hers and he slid his tongue deep inside. His tongue thrust against hers, stroking and caressing before sucking hers into his mouth. She could feel him hot and hard against her stomach, his hips gently moving against hers.
Zach moved his hand from her cheek down to her shoulder, his fingertips gliding down the length of her arm before lifting it and placing it on his shoulder. Moving his hand to her hip, he slid it down to the back of her thigh and lifted her leg, placing it over his hip to open her to him. He ended the kiss briefly to look into her eyes, needing to make sure she was with him. Kendall moved herself closer to him, and placed her lips next to his ear. “Make love to me, Zach”, she begged, and placed her lips on his. That was all it took. Their kiss began to spiral out of control as each tried to dominate the other, fast and furious one time and slow and erotic the next. Finally Zach couldn’t hold back. Tightening his hand on her leg, he lifted it up higher against him and buried himself to the hilt inside her. Taking Kendall’s cry into his mouth, he continued to make love to her mouth as he made love to her body. He continued to thrust, at first slow and steady, until he felt her moving her hips against his, working to increase the sensations. Moments later, he felt her tighten and begin to convulse around him, her orgasm beginning to make its way through her body. When her nails began digging into his shoulder, he began to move faster and faster, exploding inside her as she shuddered against him.
Zach gathered her limp, sated body to his, pulling her up onto his chest, and tucked her head under his chin. “God, I’ve missed you.” he whispered hoarsely. Kendall kissed the skin beneath her cheek. “I’ve missed you, too.” She closed her eyes and snuggled against him, falling asleep with the sound of his slow and steady breathing in her ear.
Kendall awoke a few hours later, Zach’s arms wrapped tightly around her shoulders as he slept. Her eyes traveled over the relaxed features of his face, her heart full of love for the man beside her. Moving slowly, she attempted to slip out of his arms while he slept.
“Where are you going?” he whispered, pulling her back to him. Kendall smiled and kissed him gently. “I want to go check on Nicholas,” she said, moving away again to try to get out of bed only to be stopped again. Zach’s eyes were warm as they traveled over her alabaster skin. Catching her eye, he whispered “Later” as he placed his open mouth against her neck, his tongue moving in slow circles on her skin. Kendall closed her eyes, trying to ignore the feelings stirring within her. “But, Zach…” Zach placed a finger over her lips. “No buts. We’re not done yet.” Removing his finger, he kissed her slowly, seducing her with his tongue. Pulling her back down to the bed, he made love to her again. When it was over, they slept, entwined in each other’s arms.
************
Zach was awoken by a series of high pitched barks coming over the baby monitor. Winnie. He slid out of Kendall’s arms and got out of bed, yanking on his boxers as he made his way to the door. “Zach?” Kendall’s sleepy voice made its way to his ears. He turned and headed back to the bed, giving Kendall a quick kiss. “Go back to sleep. I’ll take care of Winnie. She probably locked herself in the nursery and she needs to go out.”
Zach headed to the nursery and sure enough, the door was closed. He opened the door to find Winnie was by the crib barking. Glancing quickly at Nicholas, he was surprised to find his son still asleep. “Winnie,” he whispered loudly, “Stop that! Be quiet!” His words fell on deaf ears as Winnie continued to bark. Reaching for the small puppy, he cursed when Winnie nipped at his fingers, continuing to bark.
Kendall entered the room a minute later, her hands busily tying the sash of her robe. “For God’s sake, Zach, can’t you get her to be quiet? She’s going to wake up Nicholas if she hasn’t already.” She glared at him as she made her way over to the crib, reaching in to pick up her son. Lifting Nicholas into her arms, she peered into his face, noticing immediately that something wasn’t right. Kendall’s stomach lurched as a roaring sound seemed to suddenly appear in her ears.
Glancing over at his wife, he watched her face turn white as a sheet. “Kendall, what’s wrong?” he asked, moving quickly to her side. Kendall shook the baby gently calling his name, her voice getting louder and louder as Nicholas didn’t wake up. She raised her panic-stricken eyes to his. “He isn’t breathing!” Zach reached out and tried to take the baby from Kendall’s arms, but she wouldn’t let him go, her eyes now focused on his angelic little face. “Kendall, let me have Nick.” he urged. If anything she held him tighter. “Kendall, let go! I can’t help him if you won’t let me try.” His words finally penetrated the haze she was in and she handed him their son, her eyes filled with tears.
“Honey, go call 911.” Kendall nodded jerkily. “Make him better, Zach,” she sobbed, “Make our baby better.” She ran back to their bedroom to place the call, stumbling as the tears ran down her cheeks. Winnie’s constant barking finally caused Zach to snap. “Winnie, knock it the hell off!” he yelled, his unusually loud voice causing Winnie to whimper and go hide herself under the crib.
Zach hurried to the dressing table and laid the baby down, his mind trying to recall the class he and Kendall had taken on infant CPR. Working quickly, he unsnapped the sleeper and began trying to revive his son. He began with rescue breaths, stopping after the required minute to check if Nick was breathing or if he could see any signs of circulation. Nothing. Damn it, Nick. Breathe.
“They’re – they’re on their – their way.” Kendall stood shaking beside him, watching her biggest fear unfold in front of her eyes. Pressing her hand to her mouth, she made an effort to stifle her sobs, her eyes on her husband as he worked frantically on their son. Zach met her eyes briefly before quickly lowering his gaze, for once unable to offer any words of reassurance to his frightened wife.
Placing two fingers on Nick’s sternum, Zach began chest compressions. He could hear the voice of the instructor in his head. The ratio of compressions to breaths was 5:1. He continued to work, his mind vaguely registering the sirens in the background. Help was on its way. Checking Nick again, he felt his eyes burn with unshed tears. He still wasn’t breathing. Come on, Nick. Stay with us. Your mother and I love you so much.
He heard Kendall run down the stairs to open the door and wait for the paramedics. Minutes later he was being asked to step away from the infant. One of the EMTs put his hand on Zach’s shoulder. “We’ll take it from here. You’ve been doing CPR?” Zach nodded, thrusting his fingers in his hair. “I – We took a class before Nick was born just in case. I never thought we’d have to use it…We never should’ve had to use it.” The second EMT prepped Nick for transport and took him out to the ambulance. “Are you both going to ride with us?” the EMT asked. Zach nodded. “I just need to throw on some clothes.”
Zach ran to their bedroom and threw on his clothes from earlier. Grabbing his suit jacket for Kendall, he headed to the door, taking his wallet, cell phone, and keys off the bureau and slipping them into his pockets. He headed back to his wife and placed his jacket on her shoulders, pulling it tightly around her. Reaching for her hand, he found them both occupied, clutching Nicholas’ small stuffed bear. Wrapping his arm around her waist instead, he pulled her against his side as they hurried to the ambulance. The EMT reached out a hand to help Kendall inside and guided her to the seat beside her son, Zach following closely behind to sit beside her. They heard the door slam behind them as the ambulance shifted into gear, the sirens blaring as they sped to the hospital.
“Zach, he’s so tiny…What if he…” Kendall couldn’t continue, sobbing when she lifted Nick’s little hand with her finger and he didn’t tighten his fingers around it in response. Zach pulled her against him, his hand smoothing over her curls. “Shh…He’ll be fine. The doctors will be able to help him, honey. Just hang on.” Zach closed his eyes against the tears and prayed he was telling her the truth, his stomach sick with the feeling that it was already too late.
** Avatar by the Amazing O! **
Beautiful banner below made for me by Kristine with a little help from TK ~
Edited by: jekyll and hyde 6 at: 8/5/06 5:15 pm
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jekyll and hyde 6
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(7/24/06 9:32 pm)
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Re: Where Your Road Leads (Sequel to It Had To Be You)
Chapter 4
Present – September 2006
Zach rubbed his eyes, the constant burning sensation behind them something he had learned to live with lately. The night that had started out with such promise turned into the worst night of his life. He thought back to the wish he made on the shooting star. May this night never end? What a joke. Mere hours later he couldn’t wish it away fast enough. And by the time it was over, not only did he lose his son. He’d also lost his wife.
His eyes were drawn back to Kendall. Hesitating briefly, he allowed his fingers to caress her cheek, the softness of her skin something he hadn’t been permitted to feel during the past three weeks. Tonight had been the first time since that night that he had been able to touch her and see her smile. It didn’t matter that it was just for a moment – or that it wasn’t real. He was selfish enough to want to enjoy it. When the memories came back, her walls were back up and he had been left outside in the cold - right where he belonged.
It had been the first time he’d held her since then as well, and he could still feel how Kendall had fought him, striking out at him in her grief. He grimaced when he remembered the feel of her in his arms. Kendall had always been thin, but tonight he felt bones beneath her clothes where flesh had been weeks before. She wasn’t eating, and the realization that he hadn’t been able to tell before tonight ate away at his gut. And whose fault is that? he thought, as he pulled his hand away from her cheek. He stood up slowly, his eyes traveling around the bedroom that they used to share. He inhaled sharply when he realized that there was nothing in view that would remind her of him. It was as if he never existed there, that they never shared the same space.
Dragging the chair back to her vanity, he picked up his jacket and headed to the door. With one last look at his wife, he whispered “I’m sorry, Kendall. I’m so sorry.” and headed out into the hall, closing the door behind him. If it was easier for her not to be reminded of the pain, he knew one small way he could help. Sliding the phone from his pocket, he pressed the speed dial for the casino. “Edie? It’s me…I know…” Glancing at the closed nursery door, he continued. “I need a favor…”
************
Zach took a deep breath as he opened the door to the nursery and walked in. Flicking on the overhead light, he closed the door gently behind him, his gaze falling on the empty crib. Swallowing hard to clear the restriction in his throat, he headed purposefully towards it, stopping when he reached the rails. He reached inside and lifted the mattress, quickly removing the blue fitted sheet from the corners to peel it off and ball it up in his fist. Zach let the mattress drop and reached out to toss the sheet on the carpet, but was suddenly unable to let it go. He brought the sheet to his face, closing his eyes as the image of Nicholas appeared in his mind. Leaning against the railing of the crib, Zach lowered his head onto his arms, his headache now back in full force. Another son he hadn’t been able to save…
************
Three weeks earlier – Late August 2006
Unable to find the words to comfort each other, they sat together in silence, their eyes fixed on the swinging doors where the paramedics had taken Nicholas. Kendall continued to sob softly, her shoulders shaking beneath the suit jacket that dwarfed her small frame. Feeling her shiver, Zach tightened the arm he had wrapped around her shoulders and pulled her closer to his chest. He felt her stiffen, aware that she was still upset that he had followed the doctor’s orders and prevented her from following Nicholas through those doors.
After what seemed like hours, the swinging doors opened and Dr. Joe Martin made his way over to the waiting couple. Zach stood up quickly, helping Kendall to her feet beside him. Taking in the expression on Joe’s face, Zach instinctively moved closer to Kendall. “Joe, how’s my baby?” she asked. The almost hopeful look on her face broke Zach’s heart. “Can I go see him now?” She moved forward, away from Zach, ready to start in the direction of the doors. Joe stopped her, putting his hand on her arm, and shook his head. He looked from Kendall to Zach before speaking. “Kendall, Zach…I’m sorry. There was nothing we could do.”
“NO!” she screamed, shrugging off Zach’s arm as he tried to support her. “My baby’s not dead!” She ran to the doors, succeeding in pushing one open before Zach caught up to her and grabbed her waist, pulling her back out into the hall. “Zach, let me go! I need to see our son!” Her arms and legs flailing, she made several connections with Zach’s body before he was able to restrain her. “No, Kendall. Stop.” he whispered hoarsely. He held her tight against him, his arms securely around her, as he placed his lips against her ear. He closed his eyes, taking ragged breaths. “He’s – He’s gone, honey. I’m so sorry. Our son is gone…”
Zach felt her collapse, her legs crumpling beneath her. He sank down to his knees with her, cradling her in his arms as he rocked her gently, Kendall’s sobs coming louder and faster. He shot a pleading look at Joe, sighing in relief when the older man nodded and yelled to a passing nurse to get a sedative for Mrs. Slater. The nurse disappeared, rushing back a few minutes later with a syringe. Murmuring words of comfort to his wife, Zach watched as Joe injected the sedative into Kendall’s arm. Little by little, her sobs lessened and her body relaxed against his. “Is there somewhere…” he asked, his eyes straying from Joe back to his traumatized wife. She still had Nicholas’ bear clutched tightly to her chest. Joe nodded, saying “Come with me.”, and reached down to help Zach with Kendall. Zach shook his head. “I’ve got her” he said, as he balanced Kendall in his arms. Standing up slowly, he shifted his wife against him and followed Joe down the hall.
Joe opened up the door to a private room at the end of the hall. “You can stay here as long as you need, Zach. No one will bother you.” Zach carried Kendall to the bed and laid her down gently, his heart aching as she curled herself into a ball. He turned to Joe. “Thank you. I appreciate it.” He shook the doctor’s hand. “I need…” Zach began before stopping, his attention shifting back to his wife when he heard her whisper Nicholas’ name. Watching as she buried her face in the pillow to muffle her sobs, he blinked away the tears in his eyes before turning his attention back to Joe. “I need to make some calls. Her family needs to know, but I don’t want to leave her.” Joe nodded in understanding. “I’ll have Anita stay with her until you come back. You can use the phone in my office.” Zach nodded gratefully. “Thank you.” Joe looked like he wanted to say more but couldn’t quite figure out how to say it. “What is it, Joe?”
The older man sighed, reaching out to take a hold of Zach’s arm, guiding him out of Kendall’s earshot. “Zach, I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but we have to report any unexplained child death to the police.” He shifted uncomfortably under Zach’s stare. “I just wanted you to be prepared. It’s strictly routine, but I didn’t want you to be surprised.”
Zach glanced quickly over at his wife. “Will they need to talk to Kendall? I don’t think she could handle that, Joe.” Joe shrugged his shoulders. “That’s up to Derek, Zach. I can’t see him wanting to upset Kendall anymore than she already is. As a matter of fact, I’m going to recommend that he leave her out of the investigation. Kendall is in no frame of mind to assist the investigation. If anything, she’ll only hinder it.”
“I just don’t understand it, Joe. Nick was fine just a few hours earlier. We didn’t hear anything on the baby monitor to indicate there was a problem. Do you…” Zach ran his fingers through his hair. “Do I have any idea what might have caused it? Is that what you’re asking?” Joe questioned. At Zach’s nod, Joe nodded slowly. “I have an idea, but Zach, it’s just an idea. We won’t have a firm and accurate diagnosis until an autopsy is done.” Joe tried to dissuade Zach from pressing him further.
Zach wouldn’t be put off. “Tell me, Joe. I need to know.” When Joe remained silent, Zach reached out and grabbed the lapels of Joe’s white coat. “Tell me what you think happened to my son.” Meeting Zach’s desperate eyes, Joe tapped Zach’s hands and felt Zach immediately let go. Cursing softly, Zach stepped back and murmured an apology, his eyes on his hands as he tried to understand how he’d nearly lost control.
Fixing his white coat, Joe gave Zach a sympathetic smile. “It’s alright, Zach. I understand your frustration. Why don’t I go get Anita and we’ll head to my office? I’ll give you my opinion there.” Zach nodded slowly before looking over at Kendall. “Can you give me a few minutes before you send Anita in? I need…” He couldn’t finish his sentence. Placing a hand on Zach’s shoulder, Joe squeezed it gently. “Of course. Take your time. She’ll be waiting outside whenever you’re ready.” Joe exited the room and closed the door quietly behind him.
Zach pulled the visitor’s chair from the wall and placed it beside Kendall’s bedside. Folding his frame into it, he let his eyes travel over her body before focusing on her face. She looked like a child when she slept, her long eyelashes curving gently against her cheek. Although her eyes were puffy from crying and the tracks of her tears were visible on her cheeks, she was still the most beautiful woman Zach had ever seen. And her heart? He’d never seen anyone who loved like she did. She didn’t deserve this.
“Kendall, I – I don’t know how to fix this.” He leaned his elbows on his knees and lowered his head into his hands, finally allowing the tears that had been building in his eyes to roll down his cheeks unchecked. “I don’t know how to make everything okay.” He lifted his head, his eyes red, his face flushed. He watched as Kendall moved in her sleep, the stuffed bear coming out of her hands. He reached out, his hand shaking, to pick it up, turning it over in his hands. It was so tiny, barely bigger than his own hand. He ran his fingers slowly over the soft brown fur, noticing that the bear’s paws were almost the same size as Nick’s little hands. He held onto it tightly, closing his eyes as he brought the bear to his mouth, stifling the cry in his throat.
Knock. Knock.
“Zach?” Anita Santos peeked her head in the door. “I just wanted you to know I was here. Let me know when you need me.” Anita moved to close the door when Zach’s voice stopped her. “Anita? Come in. It’s okay.” he said, his back to her as he took a deep breath and wiped his eyes. Standing up, he tucked the bear in Kendall’s arms and kissed her forehead before heading towards the door. He stopped when Anita touched his arm, her eyes full of concern. “Zach, I’m so sorry for your loss.” Zach nodded his thanks. “If she needs anything…” he began his eyes anxious. Anita smiled reassuringly. “I’ll come get you right away. I’ll take care of her, Zach. I promise.” After one more look at his sleeping wife, Zach nodded and headed to Joe’s office.
Joe opened the door to his office and motioned Zach inside. Walking over to the coffee pot, he filled up a mug with the steaming brew and handed it to Zach. “Here. Drink this.” Zach shook his head no and put the coffee down on Joe’s desk. “Later. Right now I need to know what you think happened to my son.” He watched as the older man moved behind his desk and gestured to the chair opposite it, saying “Sit down.” Zach sighed and sank into the chair, leaning against its back, and waited for Joe to continue. When he didn’t, Zach shifted and leaned forward. “Well?”
Joe slowly removed his glasses and placed them on his desk. “Zach, I think it might be SIDS.” Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Zach tightened his grip on the arm of the chair as Joe’s quiet voice echoed in his head. ‘It’s the death of a baby younger than 1 year old without a known cause. Typically, a parent…” He stopped as Zach held up his hand. “I know what it is. How soon will we know?” Zach asked, the need for a drink suddenly overpowering. He reached for the mug in front of him and took a long drink, feeling the coffee burn its way down his throat as he wished for something stronger.
“It depends. There’s a review of the baby’s and parents’ medical histories, an examination of the area where the baby died, and an autopsy that needs to be done first.” Joe met Zach’s eyes. “I’ll try to move things along as quickly as I can. I know you and Kendall have some decisions and arrangements to make.” Picking up his glasses, he folded them and slipped them into his breast pocket. “I’m going to give you some privacy to make your calls while I go check on Kendall and then call Derek,” he said, standing up and coming around the desk.”
Zach nodded his thanks, closing his eyes as Joe placed a comforting hand on his shoulder before walking to the door. Once the door closed, he took the cell phone out of his pant’s pocket and began to dial.
************
Jackson Montgomery groaned as the ringing of the phone woke him from his sleep. Opening his eyes, he glanced over at the digital clock. 4:22 A.M. He reached for the phone before it woke up his wife. “This had better be important.”
Zach took a deep breath. “Jackson? It’s Zach.”
“Zach?” Jackson sat up in bed and rubbed the sleep from his eyes with the heel of his hand. Why would Zach be calling in the middle of the night? “What’s wrong?” he asked as he slowly got out of bed and reached for his robe. Balancing the phone against his ear, he shrugged into it and tied the belt around his waist.
“We’re at the hospital.” Zach reached again for the coffee and took another drink. God, he needed a bottle of scotch.
“Oh my God, what happened? Is anyone hurt?” Jackson glanced again over at his wife to make sure she was still sleeping as he left the bedroom and quietly closed the bedroom door behind him.
Zach closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. Oh God, this was hard. “Jackson, it’s Nicholas. He’s…” Zach couldn’t bring himself to say it.
“Nicholas is sick? Let me wake Erica. We’ll be right there.” Jackson pressed the end button on the phone and headed back towards his bedroom, stopping when the phone rang again. Answering it, Jackson heard Zach’s angry voice come over the line. “Jackson, don't wake Erica. Just shut up and listen to me for a minute. Listen very carefully.” Zach’s frustration was audible. Standing up, he began to pace the small office.
Jackson backed away from the bedroom door. “Zach, tell me what the hell is going on.” He headed to the living room, turning on the lights and lowering himself into his favorite chair. Taking a deep breath, Zach let it all come out in a rush. “Nicholas is dead.” He closed his eyes and braced himself for the blame that was sure to be directed his way.
Jackson was stunned into silence. “Oh my God. What happened?” he asked. Zach briefly explained what had transpired over the past several hours, his voice noticeably strained. “Joe has given Kendall a sedative and she’s resting now, so there’s no reason for you and Erica to rush over here.” And besides, I can’t deal with Erica right now.
“Is there anything I can do, Zach?” Jackson asked. Zach exhaled slowly, glad that Jackson offered his help. “I want you to keep this to yourself for now. If you want to tell Erica, that’s fine, but I need you to keep her away until Kendall and I have had a chance to deal with this. She doesn’t need the added stress of Erica’s mothering right now. Joe is already concerned about her enough as it is.”
Jackson had to agree. “It’s going to kill Erica, you know, staying away. But I understand why you’re asking and I respect that. But promise me that you’ll call us as soon as you have a handle on things. Kendall is going to need her family to get through this.” Zach heard and felt his father-in-law’s dig. Some things were never going to change. He was never going to be considered family. “Yes, I’m very aware how much my wife needs her family. I’ll be in touch.” Click. He pressed the button to sever the connection.
Zach walked back over to the desk and grabbed his empty mug. The next call he was going to make was to Bianca, and he needed a little more reinforcement. He poured himself another mug of coffee, his hands shaking, causing the hot liquid to spill over the side of the mug and onto the cabinet below. He brought the mug to his lips and drank its contents quickly, hoping that the burning of his throat would somehow distract him from the pain and allow him to get through his call to Bianca without breaking down.
Returning to the chair, Zach stared at the cell phone in his hands, his finger hovering over the keypad. Taking a deep breath, he pressed the speed dial for Bianca. After several seconds, he heard the phone pick up. “Bianca? Yeah, sweetie it’s me. ”
“Zach!” Bianca couldn’t help smiling and her excitement made its way through the phone. “It’s so good to hear your voice! How are you? How are my sister and that adorable little nephew of mine?” Zach couldn’t speak, his throat constricting tightly. Bianca knew immediately from the silence that something wasn’t right. She glanced over at the clock. “Zach, why are you calling me at four in the morning? What’s wrong? Is it Kendall?” When he didn’t answer, she sighed. “What did my crazy sister do now?”
Zach forced the words out through his closed throat. “No, it’s not Kendall. It’s Nicholas.” Bianca mentally apologized to her sister for jumping to conclusions. “What’s wrong with little Nick?” Once again, her question was met with silence. “Zach, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong with Nick?”
“He’s dead, Bianca. Our - Our little boy is dead.” And with that, Zach dropped the phone and wept.
************
Present – September 2006
Zach straightened up and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. He’d barely managed to pull himself together that night by the time Joe had come back to find him and let him know that Derek was outside and waiting to see him. He thought back to the conversation with the detective. All in all, it was over quickly. Derek had tried to make the interview as painless as possible, and even offered to go check the nursery out right then while they weren’t home so he and his team wouldn’t upset Kendall further. Zach had given his thanks and the location of their spare key and had sent him on his way. He had to give Derek credit. By the time he brought Kendall home, he and his team had already left and they had closed the nursery door behind them.
Zach checked his watch. He didn’t have much time. They would be here within the hour. Moving towards the closet, he opened the door and removed the small tool kit from the shelf. He crouched down on the floor and opened it, pulling out a screwdriver and an Allen’s wrench and carried them over to the crib. Running his hand over the rails one last time, he bent his head and began to take the crib apart, systematically, piece by piece.
Forty-five minutes later he surveyed his progress. The crib was broken down, the pieces neatly stacked against the wall. The clothes and blankets from the chest were in neat piles on the floor, as were the diapers, onesies, and baby products from the dresser. The closet was now empty as well, the toys in a pile by the crib, the books by the rocking chair. All that was left was to box it up and take it away. He turned to head downstairs but stopped and walked to the pile of books instead. Searching the spines for the titles, he pulled out Goodnight Moon, and headed downstairs to wait for the moving crew.
************
The movers arrived ten minutes later. After promising them a large tip if they got it done quickly without waking his wife, he showed them to the nursery. He watched in silence as they packed up Nicholas’ things and carried them out to the truck. Pretty soon the room was empty save for the rocking chair. When one of the movers attempted to remove it as well, Zach shook his head. “It’s staying.” Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out several bills and pressed them into the movers’ hands along with a business card for the casino. “I want everything delivered to this address. When you get there, ask for Edie. She’ll show you where to put everything and give you the remainder of your fee.”
Zach escorted the men to the door and watched the truck drive away, two months of his son’s life removed in a matter of hours. Still carrying the book, he headed back to the nursery. Placing the book on the seat of the rocker, he lifted the chair and carried it into the hall, setting it down on the rug. He turned back to the nursery, giving the empty room one last glance before he flicked off the light and permanently locked the door. Walking quietly, he headed back to Kendall’s bedroom. He opened the door slowly to find her asleep, her hands still clutching his pillow.
Scanning the room with his eyes, he searched for a new home for the rocking chair. Finding one, he picked up the rocker and carried it inside, setting it down in front of the large window that overlooked the backyard. Picking up the book from the chair, Zach made his way to the bed. He stood there watching Kendall for a few minutes before leaning over to kiss her, his lips gentle against her forehead. He adjusted the throw that covered her before making his way out the door and closing it behind him.
Zach walked down the hall and entered his own room, feeling the familiar emptiness hit him in the face as it did every time he walked through the doorway and flicked on the light. Moving the book from one hand to the other, he shrugged out of his jacket and hung it on the closet door. He toed off his shoes and padded over to the bed, sitting on its edge. Laying the book on the bed, he unfastened his buttons on his shirt cuffs and rolled up his sleeves to get comfortable. Zach’s hand shook as he reached for the book. It was the first children’s book he had ever bought, and his wife thought it was sweet. He had ended up reading it to both Kendall and Nicholas that same night. It was one of the first nights they had spent together as a family. Now he spent his nights alone with just memories to keep him warm.
Moving to lie down on the bed, Zach laid his head against the new white pillow. Opening Goodnight Moon, he began to read…
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Edited by: jekyll and hyde 6 at: 8/5/06 5:19 pm
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jekyll and hyde 6
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(7/24/06 9:35 pm)
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Re: Where Your Road Leads (Sequel to It Had To Be You)
Chapter 5
Two Weeks Earlier – Early September 2006
“Kendall? It’s time to go.” Finding their bedroom empty, Zach headed towards the nursery to find his wife standing in front of the crib. He moved towards her, stopping when he stood behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders. Feeling her body tense beneath his hands, he frowned. “Kendall?” He stepped back when she suddenly shrugged her shoulders, quickly and effectively removing his hands from her body. She moved away from him and the crib, Nicholas’ bear in her hands. Avoiding his gaze, she began to walk to the door only to have Zach reach out and catch her arm. “Kendall, talk to me.” He waited for her to turn around and look at him, unprepared for the depth of pain visible in her eyes amid her tears. “Don’t touch me!” she said, as she jerked her arm free of his grasp. “None of this…” she began as she gestured her hands wildly around them, “would be happening if it weren’t for you.” Kendall’s voice was flat. “Not my baby’s death…not this service…none of it.”
Zach backed away as if he had been slapped. Before he could say anything, Bianca poked her head into the room. “The car’s here. We really need to go” she said as she entered the nursery. When neither Zach nor Kendall spoke, she looked from one face to the other and apologized for interrupting. “I’m sorry. You two are in the middle of something. I’ll let the driver know you’ll be another few minutes” Bianca said, backing out of the room only to have Kendall stop her. “No, Binks, we’re not in the middle of anything.” Kendall replied, her eyes meeting Zach’s. “We’re finished.” Ignoring her husband’s stricken gaze, she walked over to Bianca and grasped her arm. “Let’s go.” Bianca sent a confused look Zach’s way before letting Kendall drag her out the door and down to the waiting car.
************
Zach sat in silence, the words of the minister merely background noise as he tried to process what had happened at the house. After several minutes he had followed Kendall and Bianca down to the waiting car. When he had opened the car door, he had found his wife wedged against the far door with her sister next to her. Any attempts he had made to talk to Kendall had been ignored, and the more he had tried, the more uncomfortable Bianca looked. Finally, he had just closed his eyes, leaned his head back against the leather seat, and waited for the short ride to the cemetery to be over. Now that it was, he found himself sitting beside her on the uncomfortable white chairs. And yet as close as they were physically, they couldn’t have been further apart.
Turning his head, he looked over at his wife. Her hair was pulled back severely from her face, emphasizing the pallor of her skin and the tears cascading down her cheeks as she started at the little coffin in front of them. He shifted in his seat, his leg brushing against hers. He watched as Kendall’s body stiffened and she shifted towards Bianca, moving her body as far away from him as she could. He frowned. What the hell happened in the last couple of hours? His mind kept going over their conversation at the house. None of this would be happening if it weren’t for you. Zach rubbed his forehead, squeezing his eyes shut. The analyzing would have to wait until later. He needed to say goodbye to his son.
************
Watching silently, Zach’s eyes followed Kendall’s figure as she made her way slowly to the coffin. Her free hand slid along the glossy wood, her fingertips tracing the design along the edges. Without warning, she crumpled to her knees, her arms outstretched over the coffin as she cried. He stood quickly, as did Bianca, and rushed to her side, wanting to comfort his wife. Gently tugging on her waist, he lifted Kendall to her feet and softly murmured her name. Kendall turned her head to meet his gaze, the emptiness in her eyes cutting him to the quick. Zach lowered his arms, standing there helplessly as she purposely turned away from him and fell into Bianca’s embrace.
Zach felt the tears burning behind his eyes. Blinking them away, he groaned when he saw Erica and Jackson approaching, sure that they had witnessed Kendall’s rejection. Erica spoke first, ignoring Zach and addressing Bianca. “Darling, why don’t you let us take Kendall home?” Erica’s let her concerned gaze rest on Kendall for a brief moment before turning her attention back to Bianca. “Mom, that’s Zach’s decision” Bianca began before Zach interrupted. “I’ll take Kendall home, Erica. She’s my wife.”
Kendall pulled out of her sister’s arms and wiped her eyes, her head shaking emphatically. She caught Erica’s eyes and whispered “Mother, please - please take me home.” Erica shot a triumphant look at her son-in-law as she wrapped an arm around Kendall, holding his gaze as she answered her upset daughter. “Of course, darling. We’ll go home and talk. I know you need your family around you now more than ever.” With that parting shot, Erica turned Kendall around and headed towards Jackson’s car.
Jackson shifted his stance as he watched his wife and step-daughter walk away. “I’m sorry, Zach, but Erica does have a point. Kendall needs her family now.” He bent to kiss Bianca on the cheek but Bianca stepped back, a look of utter disbelief on her face. “Jackson, How could you be so insensitive? I expect it from Mom, but not you. Zach is Kendall’s family now. He’s her husband! He loves–“ Bianca’s rant was stopped when Zach placed a hand on her arm. Turning to look at her brother-in-law, she was confused when she saw him shake his head. “Zach?” Zach sighed, suddenly tired. “Bianca, it’s not worth it, and this is neither the time nor the place.” He turned to look at Jackson. “I am family, Jackson, whether you like it or not, and that’s just the way it is. Right now I’m going to overlook that because I want what’s best for Kendall. I haven’t been able to help her so I’m willing to let you try. I’ll see you back at the house.” He turned and slowly walked back to the small coffin, placing his hands on the lid.
Jackson watched Zach walk away before turning back to Bianca. “Are you coming?” Bianca shook her head. “I’m staying here to support family. Zach lost a child too, or have you forgotten?” She didn’t wait for a response; she just turned her back and walked over to Zach, placing her small hand on top of his. Shaking his head at Bianca’s retreating back, Jackson walked away and headed to his car.
************
Bianca stood next to Zach for several minutes observing him quietly. She finally leaned forward, her anxious eyes trying to peer into his. “Zach? Are you okay? I’m sorry about my mom and Jackson. I don’t know why they can’t accept…” Her voice faded away when Zach lifted his head and met her gaze. The devastation on his face broke Bianca’s heart. She reached out and pulled him to her, whispering “Oh, Zach, I’m so sorry…so sorry…”, letting the tears fall as she hugged him for all she was worth. Zach held on tightly to Bianca, his body shaking as he finally gave in to his own grief.
After a few minutes, he raised his head and blinked away his tears. Taking a ragged breath, he reached up to wipe away Bianca’s tears and kissed her cheek. “I need – I need a few minutes alone with my son.” Bianca nodded and reached for his hand. “I’ll wait at the car.” She went to walk away but Zach held her hand. “Thank you.” he whispered hoarsely. Bianca smiled softly and squeezed his hand before letting go and heading towards the car.
Zach waited until Bianca left before kneeling beside the small coffin. Placing a shaky hand on the lid, he took a deep breath. “Hey, Son…It’s me…your dad. Your mom and I…we miss you so much.” He stopped and ran his fingers roughly through his hair. “You weren’t supposed to leave us yet. We’re not…I’m not ready to let you go.” Zach blinked away the tears in his eyes. “You see, we were supposed to do so many things together, you and I. We were supposed to drive your mother crazy together…” he gave a low watery laugh “…go to hockey games…I was going to teach you to play cards, poker to start with – because you know, you really need to learn how to bluff first otherwise you’ll never…well, never mind about that….but now…you left us behind and I don’t know how…”Zach closed his eyes as the pain intensified all over again. “…how to go on from here.” He sank to the ground and leaned his back against the coffin. Pulling his legs up towards his chest, he braced his arms across his knees.
“I know I’m not the greatest example of what a father should be. But I promised you that I would try. The first time I held you, I promised that I would teach you all the things I’ve never learned from my father…and that I’d help you cross all the bridges that I burned.” He tilted his head back to look at the gray sky. “It’s like I’ve watched you grow only to be forced to let you go. Nick, I don’t want to let you go…” Zach lowered his head on his arms and cried.
Minutes passed before he raised his head, his ears picking up the thunder in the distance. Rain. How appropriate for a day filled with tears. He stood slowly, his legs still shaky, and turned back to the coffin. Reaching into his breast pocket, he pulled out a folded white piece of paper. Zach took a deep breath and opened the coffin just enough to slide the paper inside and closed it again, placing his hand in the center of the lid. He tapped it gently and whispered “Goodbye, my son. Godspeed.” Turning slowly, he began heading towards the car as the skies opened and the rain came pouring down.
************
Bianca watched as Zach approached the car, his gait slow and steady even in the rain. He was soaked but didn’t seem to notice or even care. She slid along the leather seat to open the passenger door, pushing it forcefully against the sudden gust of wind. Zach stepped in to the backseat and ducked his head inside as he closed the door.
“Zach, you’re soaked!” Bianca leaned forward and adjusted the heat, turning the vent and aiming at her brother-in-law. Searching the car for something to give Zach to dry off with and finding nothing, she opened her purse and pulled out a small package of Kleenex. Handing it to Zach, she said “Here. At least dry your face and hands.” Zach took the Kleenex with a murmured “Thank you”, promptly dropping the package on the seat beside him, as he leaned back against the seat and closed his eyes.
Bianca sighed in exasperation. Men. Picking up the package of Kleenex, she removed two and bunched them together in her hand. Sliding across the seat, she lifted her hand to his face and began to blot it with the Kleenex. She managed to dry off his forehead before his hand came up and grasped her wrist, immobilizing it. Opening his eyes and looking into hers, he shook his head and lowered her hand to her lap. Shifting, he angled his body to face the door, his eyes staring out into the rain. Several minutes later, he broke the silence. “So when do you fly back to Paris?”
“Trying to get rid of me already? Thanks a lot. I love you, too.” Bianca crossed her arms in front of her and waited for him to turn around. Zach didn’t disappoint, turning around quickly to face her “I didn’t mean…” He cut his apology short when he saw her smile and he let out a sigh. “I’d love to have you here all the time, you know that. But it’s not fair to you. You have a life to get back to. I appreciate you being here this week more than you know.” Bianca picked up the package of Kleenex and handed it to him again, nodding when she saw him remove several tissues and wipe the rest of his face and hands. Handing the Kleenex back to her, he raised an eyebrow. “Are you happy now?”
“Yes I am, thank you.” she said as she put the Kleenex back in her purse. “Now, about what you said, me being here all the time. I want to talk to you about that.” She pulled her leg up underneath her and faced him. “I think it would help Kendall more if I wasn’t so far away. I’m going to start looking for a house to rent here in Pine Valley.” Bianca sat and waited for Zach’s reaction. He was stunned. “Bianca, your life is in Paris now. I appreciate what you want to do for Kendall, but it’s not fair to you to uproot yourself, Maggie and Miranda. Didn’t the school year just start?”
“Zach, I need to be here for Kendall, the way she was there for me when I thought I had lost Miranda.” Bianca explained as they pulled up to the house. “At least think about it,” she asked. Zach gave in, unable to refuse her anything. “Ok, I’ll think about it, but for now, let’s just keep this between us, okay?” he asked. Bianca smiled. “Okay,” she replied. “Let’s get inside and get you dried off.” She pushed him out the door and accepted his hand to help her out of the car. Threading her fingers through his, she dragged him up the steps.
************
Shrugging into the black jacket, Zach looked in the mirror as he adjusted his tie, dreading the meaningless condolences that would soon be uttered by family and friends. Suddenly feeling like he couldn’t breathe, he yanked the tie off and tossed it on the bed, cursing as his fingers fumbled to undo the top button of his white shirt. Placing his hands on the dresser in front of him, he dropped his head and took several deep breaths to calm down. When the choking sensation eased, Zach took a long hard look at the man in the mirror. He looked like hell. And he needed a drink.
Walking over to the closet, he opened the door. Moving the suit jackets out of the way, Zach reached for the open bottle of scotch sitting on the shelf behind them. Unscrewing the cap, he lifted it to his lips and took a deep drink, feeling the liquor burn its way down his throat and into his belly. He wiped the back of his hand across his mouth before screwing the cap back on and returning the bottle to its place on the shelf. Zach closed the closet door and returned to the mirror. He looked as good as he was going to get. Fixing his collar for the last time, he exited the bedroom and headed down the stairs.
************
Erica paced back and forth at the bottom of the stairs. Where was he? The one time she wanted her son-in-law, he was nowhere to be found. She crooked her neck towards the kitchen to make sure everything was still in place. Finally she heard footsteps on the stairs. Schooling her face into motherly concern, she turned to face her son-in-law.
“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the welcome wagon. What have I done to deserve this?” Zach asked as he arrived at the foot of the stairs. Erica reached out and took his arm. “Zach, I’m so sorry about earlier. I just wanted to help Kendall, and you know that I am used to being the one who takes care of her. After all, I am her mother and I love her.” Erica stopped to catch her breath and gauge Zach’s reaction.
Zach blinked twice and rubbed his eyes to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating. “Who are you and what have you done with my mother-in-law?” He bent down and attempted to smell her breath. “Did you have a sip of that special scotch I have hidden in the liquor cabinet?” Erica’s shrill laugh pierced the air as she pushed him away. “Of course not! I just realized that what I did earlier must’ve hurt you. I’m not totally insensitive and self-absorbed, you know. I love my daughter, Zach. Kendall and I had a nice chat and I realized that she does love you. You’re probably the only one who’s going to be able to help her get through this. The loss of a child…it’s the hardest thing she’s had to go through and I don’t want her going through it alone. She needs the father of her child with her. Zach, please. Go to her.”
Zach’s wary eyes met Erica’s. “Erica, I know you love Kendall.” In your own sick, sadistic way, the voice in his head finished. “I love her, too. I love her more than anything in this world. You don’t ever have to doubt that. I will do whatever it takes to help her through this. You have my word.” Erica beamed at him, allowing her eyes to tear up. “Thank you, Zach.” She hastily wiped her eyes before her mascara ran. “Please go to her. She needs you.”
“Where is she?” he asked. Erica dug her nails into her palm to keep the smile from appearing on her face. “She’s in the kitchen, Zach. She needed to get away from everyone for a few minutes.” Zach nodded and leaned down to kiss Erica’s cheek. “Thank you. Excuse me.” he said, as he made his way around the stairs and headed purposefully down the hall, Erica following slowly behind him.
Zach steps slowed as Kendall’s sobs became audible, his heart aching with the need to hold her. She needed him. “Kendall?” He walked into the kitchen calling her name. “Where are…” his voice fading away as he turned the corner. Standing before him was his wife…sobbing uncontrollably in Ryan Lavery’s arms.
Ryan lifted his head from atop Kendall’s locking gazes with Zach. “Zach, I’m…” he began only to be interrupted. “Save it.” Zach turned around and exited the kitchen, stopping when Erica blocked his way in the hallway. “Didn’t I tell you that Kendall needed the father of her child to get through this?” She stopped a second to gloat, enjoying the pain that was radiating off of him in waves. “I told you, Zach, they have an unbreakable bond between them. Ryan is the love of her life. You can’t compete with that.”
Zach reached out and grabbed Erica by the nape of her neck and yanked her head towards his. “You vindictive little bitch,” he growled, watching as Erica’s eyes widened in shock. “You’re damn lucky I’ve never hit a woman, no matter how much I was provoked. Although with you, I’m almost willing to make the exception.” He let her go and watched as she backed away. Heading towards the living room, he ignored the guests as he strode toward the liquor cabinet. Throwing open the door to the cabinet, he reached in and grabbed the bottle of scotch and headed out of the room. Swiping his keys off the hall table, he stormed to the front door. Opening the door, he walked out into the rain, slamming it behind him.
************
Jackson watched his wife in disgust, the display he had just witnessed turning his stomach. “I hope you’re proud of yourself.” Erica spun around quickly. “What do you mean, Jack?” she asked as she walked to her husband, reaching up to place her hands on his chest. Jackson stopped her midway, his hands lowering her arms back to her sides. “I don’t know who you are anymore,” he said as he shook his head. Stepping around her, he motioned to Reggie and Lily. “We’re leaving. Now.” Erica reached out and grabbed her husband’s arm. “Where are you going?” she asked. “When you’ve located my wife, let her know I’ll see her at home.” He turned and made his way to the door, waiting for his kids to precede him out the door before closing it behind him.
Erica turned around, her eyes noticing the audience gathered in the foyer. She laughed weakly, trying to explain the drama away. “My husband can be so dramatic…” Her eyes locked with the red headed woman in the living room doorway. “No, darlin’,” Myrtle Fargate chimed in, “he left the dramatics to you.”
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Edited by: jekyll and hyde 6 at: 8/5/06 5:19 pm
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jekyll and hyde 6
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(7/24/06 9:39 pm)
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Re: Where Your Road Leads (Sequel to It Had To Be You)
Chapter 6
Later that same night
“I’m sorry for your loss, Mr. Slater,” the driver said, as he closed the car door once Zach had exited the back of the vehicle. Zach nodded and walked tiredly up the steps, the half-empty scotch bottle in his left hand. Reaching into his pocket with his right hand, he pulled out his keys, cursing as he fumbled trying to unlock his front door. The lack of the outside light made finding the small keyhole difficult in the darkness. So much for the warm welcome, he thought. He turned the key and pushed the door open, stepping into the dark hallway.
Closing the door behind him, he tossed his keys on the hall table and headed to the living room. Not bothering to turn on a light, he slowly made his way to the liquor cabinet and returned the bottle of scotch. Zach closed his eyes and rubbed his temples, the incessant pounding in his head causing him to groan. Aspirin, he thought to himself. I need aspirin. Grabbing a glass from the top of the cabinet, he left the living room and headed towards the kitchen, his feet slowing as he arrived in the doorway.
Zach waited for his eyes to adjust to the change in lighting. The glow of the moonlight streaming through the slider onto the tiled floor stung his eyes. The image of his wife in her ex-lover’s arms immediately assailed him and he reached out with his left hand to grab the granite counter beside him, his knuckles white. He closed his eyes only to have the image blur and shift behind his lids. Suddenly Kendall wasn’t crying in Ryan’s arms - She was laughing. Zach unconsciously tightened his grip on the glass in his right hand. Kendall’s arms were reaching up to pull Ryan’s head down to hers and she was moaning softly as Ryan’s lips met hers. The sound of Kendall’s moans echoed in his head until he snapped, hurling the glass against the far kitchen wall.
Turning on his heel, he strode from the kitchen, not stopping until he arrived at the bottom of the stairs. He took the stairs two at a time, his anger palpable as he went in search of his wife.
************
Opening their bedroom door to find it empty, he headed to the nursery, stopping momentarily to register the closed door. So, she wanted to be alone, did she? Too damn bad. They were going to clear the air once and for all. He threw open the door, ignoring the sound of it crashing against the wall, startling his wife. Finding Kendall in the rocking chair, he walked purposefully towards her until he stood directly in front of her, effectively stopping her from rocking. Ignoring her wide eyes and the tears cascading down her cheeks, he leaned down and placed his hands on either arm of the chair and brought his face to hers. “I’ve had it, Kendall. This has gone on long enough. This ends tonight.”
He watched as Kendall scrunched up her nose and narrowed her eyes, backing away from him until her head came in contact with the back of the chair. “You’re drunk” she spat disgustedly, her hands busy trying to dislodge his arms from the chair. When her efforts proved futile, she placed both of her hands on his chest and shoved with all her might. “Not yet, but I’m working on it.” he replied, his eyes burning into hers. Removing his arms from the chair, he grabbed her wrists and took a step backwards to yank her up out of the chair, the force propelling her into his chest.
Quickly wrapping his arms around her, he held her tightly against him, closing his eyes as he inhaled her scent. How he’d missed holding her. After a few minutes, he allowed his arms to relax and she took advantage, twisting her body roughly to free herself from his grasp. She backed away slowly, her eyes wide. “Don’t touch me!” Zach lowered his arms to his side. “Damn it, Kendall, what the hell is the matter with you?” he asked as his eyes narrowed at the hysteria in her voice. Reaching out, he grabbed her arm, jerking her back towards him. “Why can’t I touch you?” he asked, the frustration becoming evident in his voice. “I’m your husband, for God’s sake.” He watched her face pale as his grip tightened, his eyes catching the brief flash of panic that flickered in her eyes. “Are you afraid of me?” he asked, hearing his voice crack. He dropped her arm as if it were on fire. “Is that it?’ Zach watched as she shook her head no, yet still she began to retreat. “How could you think I would do anything to hurt you?” he asked, his voice lowering as he began to head towards her, only to stop again when her eyes widened in apprehension. Crossing his arms across his chest, he let out a sigh. “All I want to do is comfort you. Damn it! Why won’t you let me?” he said, attempting to touch her again, only to watch her flinch back. “I don’t need anything from you, Zach! Not anymore.” Kendall cried, wrapping her arms around her midsection. Zach swore underneath his breath as he thought back over the past few hours. “Oh, that’s right. I forgot. You have Lavery now. Your bitch of a mother made damn sure of that, didn’t she?”
“You leave my mother out of this!” Two angry spots of colors appeared in Kendall’s pale cheeks. Zach shook his head and laughed spitefully. “Absolutely not! Erica stuck herself in the middle of this the minute she helped you play me for a fool.” He moved towards her slowly, his voice dangerously low as he backed her into the wall. “I saw you, Kendall. In his arms.” His gaze locked on hers as his free hand slid up and down her arm. “How did it feel, Kendall? Was it just like old times?” He felt her body tremble as the tears filling her green eyes spilled over onto her cheeks. Pressing on, he placed his body flush against hers, ignoring her feeble attempts to extricate herself from between his body and the hard wall. She closed her eyes tightly, her breathing erratic as her hands bunched into fists at her side.
“Did you let him kiss you, touch you?” he asked, leaning down to whisper into her ear. He laughed mockingly as Kendall twisted her head away from his, her body jerking, her breathing coming faster and faster. Zach wrapped his hand around the back of her neck, sliding his fingers into her hair to hold her still. He closed his eyes as the vision of her and Ryan together in the kitchen taunted him, his fingers involuntarily tightening in her curls. Zach opened his eyes when he heard Kendall cry out, immediately removing his hand from her hair, only to move it to her neck and trace the deep V of her nightgown with his fingers. Holding her gaze, Zach let his fingers travel down the front of her body, his thumb rubbing over a distended nipple. “Did you let him take you to bed too?” Zach was ready when she lifted her hand, intent on slapping his face. Gripping her wrist in his hand, he shook his head. “Temper, temper.”
Zach moved in closer. “What exactly are you so upset about, Kendall? That you didn’t have enough time to bed Ryan? Or that I now know that you wanted to?” Kendall caught her breath, her eyes flashing as she muttered “You bastard” beneath her breath. Zach smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Maybe I can help you with that.” he said, his hand massaging her breast through the silk. “All you’d have to do is close your eyes and pretend it’s him.” Kendall wrenched her wrist from Zach’s grip and this time managed to connect her palm with his cheek. She was tempted to repeat it when he laughed. “There she is. There’s the passionate woman I married,” he growled, “full of life and fire.”
“I don’t want to be that woman anymore!” she screamed. Taking advantage of the surprise on his face, Kendall managed to slide her body out from between Zach and the wall and ran out of the nursery.
Zach inhaled sharply, his anger dissipating quickly to be replaced with self-loathing as her words penetrated the scotch-induced haze. What had he done? He felt his stomach churn dangerously as the nausea caused by the amount of scotch he’d drunk on an empty stomach began to make itself known. She didn’t want to be his wife? Was that what she was saying? Swallowing the fear that lodged itself in his throat, he headed after her, managing to wedge his foot in the doorway of their bedroom before it closed. Pushing gently, he followed her inside, his eyes wary when she avoided his gaze. He watched as she reached for her robe that was carelessly tossed on the bed. “Kendall?” he called quietly. When she didn’t answer, he reached out and caught the edge of her robe, pulling it – and her - towards him. Zach wasn’t prepared for the look in her eyes. The combination of emptiness and pain in their green depths cut him deeply. “What – What exactly are you saying?” he asked, his voice low and husky. Zach stood still, his eyes searching hers, hoping he was wrong. He had just lost his son. There was no way he could handle losing his wife.
“I can’t do this tonight, Zach”, Kendall whispered, tugging on her robe. When he didn’t let go, she dropped her end and turned around, walking to her side of the bed. Reaching down, she picked up the throw at the end of the bed and wrapped it around her exposed shoulders. She slowly lowered herself onto the edge of the mattress, her eyes downcast. ‘I don’t want to feel anything anymore, Zach. I can’t. It hurts too much.” I wish I were dead. Kendall thought back to that night on the beach in Haiti when she had impulsively uttered those very same words. The circumstances were so different back then. She’d taken the hateful words back because she’d had something to live for…a baby. She didn’t have that now…not anymore.
Zach dropped the robe and moved to stand in front of her. Grasping her shoulders, he pulled her to her feet, the throw sliding down her body to land on the floor. He wrapped his arms around her stiff frame, frowning when he noticed the cool temperature of her skin. “Kendall…” She shook her head and struggled against his hold. Zach was immovable, his arms like steel bands around her body. Lowering his head, he placed his mouth next to her ear. “It’s going to be okay, baby”, he whispered, his hands rubbing up and down her naked back. Baby. The word reverberated in her ear, causing her to struggle anew, her fists pummeling his chest. “It’s never going to be okay!” she sobbed roughly, the hysteria in her voice returning. “My baby is gone, Zach!” He watched helplessly as the tears rolled down her cheeks. “He’s dead! My baby is dead!” Kendall’s hoarse voice finally cracked, right along with his heart. “Damn you! Nothing is ever going to be okay again!” Her fists continued to strike his chest until he placed his hands over hers to still them. Without warning, her knees gave out, causing her to sway unsteadily on her feet. Zach gathered her body against him, holding her tightly as she cried. Feeling the familiar burning sensation behind his own eyes, he squeezed his eyes shut to fight the tears. “Let it out, Kendall.” he whispered as he tucked her head underneath his chin. “I’ve got you.” If anything, his words made her cry harder, causing her breaths to come out in gasps between her sobs. He continued rubbing her back for several minutes, his hands moving in small comforting circles until she quieted.
Hearing her sniffle, he relaxed his arms when he felt her body stiffen and begin to pull back. She raised her shimmering eyes to his and felt the tears escape. Zach caught his breath. Even like this, she was beautiful. He reached up to cup her face in his hands, wiping the tears away with his thumbs. She looked so lost, her normally sparkling green eyes dulled with pain. Bending his head, he placed a chaste kiss on her forehead, his lips soft as they pressed against her skin. He pulled back to lean his forehead against hers, sighing softly as he closed his eyes. “Zach…” she said, her voice little more than a whisper. Opening his eyes, he met her gaze. The wariness in their depths was back. Zach lowered his head slowly, his eyes fixed on hers. “Kendall…” he whispered hoarsely. He watched her eyes widen as he moved closer before they shut tightly as his lips touched hers. They moved against hers gently, undemanding, trying to comfort instead of seduce. In the back of his mind he registered that she remained still and unresponsive, her hands clenched into fists by her side. Moving his right hand to her shoulder, he slid it down her arm and up again, trying to relax the taut muscles.
Feeling Kendall shiver beneath his hand, Zach pulled back, his eyes on her face. He watched as she opened her eyes, sucking in his breath when he saw the vacant look in her eyes. The woman in front of him bore no resemblance to the woman he married. Grasping her arms, he shook her gently. “Kendall.” She seemed to be staring blankly over his shoulder. “Kendall,” he repeated urgently. “Damn it, Kendall, look at me!” He watched her blink several times, her eyes unfocused. “…alone…” she whispered, the despair clear in her voice. Zach felt the tears in his eyes escape down his cheeks as he looked at his broken wife. “You’re not alone, Kendall” he rasped. “I promise…you’ll never be alone.” He bent his head and placed his mouth over hers, gently trying to coax her to respond.
Ending the kiss, he began to rain soft gentle kisses all over her face, his lips coming in contact with the warm tears flowing freely from her eyes. Zach leaned back, his hands reaching out to touch her cheek, wiping away the tears with his fingers. “I love you.” His words seem to reach her on some level; the sob she had been holding inside burst forth to reach his ears. Kendall sank against him, her small hands grabbing onto the lapels of his jacket to hold herself upright. Reacting quickly, he pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her as he buried his face in her neck. Closing his eyes, he groaned softly, murmuring words of love amidst the soft openmouthed kisses he pressed against her skin. His arms had felt so empty without her in them, and now that he held her, he didn’t want to let her go. Zach pulled back slightly so that his lips could travel up her neck and across her jaw, his breath catching when Kendall tilted her head, unconsciously offering him better access to her throat. Moving one hand into her hair, he threaded his fingers through her curls before bringing her lips to his. He nibbled at her closed lips. “Open for me, Kendall” he murmured.
Kendall shivered as memories of their last night together began to flash through her mind. ‘Open for me, Kendall’ he rasped against her lips.
He caressed the seam of her lips with his tongue, pressing gently until he was able to slide inside her warm, wet cavern. Stroking her tongue with his, he slowly made love to her mouth, his gentle caresses eliciting a moan from Kendall’s throat. His hand slid from her hair to her shoulder, his fingers sliding under the thin black strap to caress her skin. Reaching up Kendall covered his hand with hers, stilling its movement. “Please let me touch you, Kendall,” he begged.
‘Let me touch you. I need to touch you.’
Zach watched as she slowly lowered her hand and closed her eyes, silently acquiescing to his request. Watching her face intently, his other hand came up and together they slowly slid the straps of her nightgown off her shoulders and down her arms, baring her to his gaze. Reverently he cupped her breasts, his thumbs gently rubbing across the tips of her nipples until they hardened. When she gently bit her lip, he removed a thumb and replaced it with his mouth, sucking gently until she gasped. Zach slid his hands back up to her shoulder and then down her back, his fingers dancing down the skin of her back before coming to rest on her silk-clad hips. Pulling her flush against him, he groaned. “Please, Kendall…”
‘Kendall,’ he rasped…‘please.’ The memories continued to assail her.
He heard her quiet whisper of his name in his ear. “Zach…” Bending slightly, he lifted her into his arms and lowered her onto the bed. Shrugging out of his jacket, he lowered himself down, his body slightly covering hers as he insinuated his knee between her thighs. Propping himself up on his right elbow, he caressed her face with the fingers of his left hand. “I’ve missed you,” he whispered.
‘God, I’ve missed you.’ he whispered hoarsely.
Sliding his left hand down her body, he reached down to bunch the black silk in his hand and slowly began to hike it up her long legs. Kendall’s eyes shot open as she reached out to push the material back down. “Zach, I think we need…”she began, only to be interrupted. “Yes, we do need…” he groaned. Her eyes locked on his. “But, Zach…” Her voice was silenced when Zach covered her lips with his finger. “No buts,” he continued as he leaned down to kiss her.
‘Where are you going?’… ‘I want to go check on Nicholas,’… ‘Later’… ‘But, Zach…’ Zach placed a finger over her lips. ‘No buts. We’re not done yet.’
Oh my God! Kendall felt the nausea crash over her in waves. Struggling furiously, she tried to dislodge Zach from atop body. “No! Get off of me!” she screamed, her arms and legs flailing against the solid body of her husband, her eyes wild. What the hell? Zach grabbed her arms and pinned them to the bed. “Kendall, what the…” he stopped short when her knee just missed him, causing him to move his entire lower body to cover her legs and press her into the mattress. “Stop it!” he roared, trying to reign in his body as hers kept thrashing beneath his. “Damn it, Kendall, knock it off!” Zach squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to clear his head of the sensual haze that was still fogging it.
“Let me go!” she screamed, her head thrashing back and forth on the pillow. “You can’t make me sleep with you!” Kendall’s words finally registered in his brain and he froze, his body tensing on top of hers. “I can’t make…? What the hell are you talking about?” he asked. Taking advantage of his confusion, she pushed him off of her and rolled off the bed, her feet landing unsteadily on the carpet.
“I just wanted…” he began, trying to explain himself to her. Kendall laughed disdainfully. “That’s just it, Zach. It’s all about what you want and when you want it, isn’t it?” Zach just looked at her in confusion. Pulling the straps of her nightgown up her arms, she covered her exposed breasts. “I gave in that night, but I’m not giving in now. I’m not going to fuck you!” Picking her robe up off the carpet, Kendall thrust her arms jerkily into the sleeves, her shaky hands pulling the fabric to cover her exposed flesh before attempting to tie the sash of her robe.
Her crude word had him springing off the bed and closing in on her, his eyes filled with rage. Advancing slowly, he backed her into the wall, his body blocking any escape. “Don’t you dare cheapen what we did that night. We made love…” he growled, as the memories of each and every sound she’d made that night played over in his mind. “And as I recall, you didn’t exactly protest to any of it.” he reminded her as he crudely pressed himself against her.
She twisted back and forth, trying to escape his hips. Unsuccessful, she raised her icy gaze to his. “I did protest…but you wouldn’t let me go check on him.” Zach pulled back, his confusion clearly written on each and every feature of his face. “Kendall, what are you talking about?” He felt like he had been dropped in the middle of a very bad movie and no one had given him a copy of the script. Kendall shoved him away from her and walked around his body, going out of her way to avoid touching him. Zach reached out to touch her arm only to have her jerk it away. “Don’t. Touch. Me.” she seethed.
Zach pulled his hand back and rubbed his forehead. “You need to help me out here because I’m just not following you.” He sank down onto the edge of the bed. “What is this about?” he asked. Kendall looked at him incredulously. “What is it about?” Her voice started to rise. “The worst night of my life, Zach…Evidently it made an impression on you, didn’t it?” she snarked, disgustedly. “How soon we forget…Let me refresh your memory. I” she said, pointing at herself, “wanted to check on my son, and you,” she continued, thrusting her finger at him, “wanted to get off. Ring any bells?’
Closing his eyes, Zach slowly shook his head, causing his headache to intensify. He didn’t like the direction the conversation seemed to be heading in…he didn’t like it at all. “What exactly are you trying to say, Kendall?” he asked as he opened his eyes and watched her pace around the room. She turned around quickly, her eyes blazing. “What? Do you really need me to say it, Zach?” she taunted. “Fine!” She walked back towards him, stopping when she reached the foot of the bed. “My son would still be alive if it weren’t for you. You let him die.”
** Avatar by the Amazing O! **
Beautiful banner below made for me by Kristine with a little help from TK ~
Edited by: jekyll and hyde 6 at: 8/5/06 5:20 pm
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jekyll and hyde 6
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(7/24/06 9:41 pm)
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Re: Where Your Road Leads (Sequel to It Had To Be You)
Chapter 7
Later that same night
‘You let him die.’
Zach blanched as her words triggered the pounding in his head. “What did you say?” he asked, his voice quiet. He had heard the words come out of her mouth but he couldn’t believe she’d meant them. Zach squeezed his eyes shut and reopened them again, sure that he had misunderstood. “You heard me,” Kendall replied, the fire in her eyes dying as she remembered the feel of Nicholas’ lifeless little hand on her finger in the ambulance. Suddenly feeling empty, she wrapped her arms around her middle and turned away, unable to look at her husband any longer.
Zach placed his hand on the bed to steady himself and stood up slowly, cursing under his breath as the room suddenly shifted beneath his feet. Closing his eyes, he took several deep breaths before he attempted to move. He walked carefully towards her. “Kendall, you can’t think…You actually think that I…” his voice faded as he tried to put his thoughts into words. She couldn’t mean… Reaching out, he touched her shoulder gently, only to pull back when she tensed beneath his hand. “Kendall, I tried…”
Kendall pulled away from his touch before turning around, making sure there was some distance between them. “Not hard enough! You didn’t try hard enough!” She angrily wiped the tears away. “Damn it, Zach! Why didn’t you just let me go?” she yelled, her hands gesturing wildly. “I could’ve…”
“You could’ve what, Kendall? Saved him?” he asked incredulously. “It wasn’t anyone’s fault, Kendall. Even the doctors said so. It just happens.”
She shook her head vehemently. “I could’ve saved him.” Pointing at herself, she stabbed her finger into her chest. “I was his mother. I – I should’ve known something was wrong. Maybe I did. ” Turning back around, she began to pace. “But instead, where was I? With you.” Kendall wrapped her arms around her middle as her voice lowered. “And we…you wanted…and I let you…”
Zach couldn’t believe his ears. “I may be a little slow here, but let me get this straight. You’re blaming me for Nick’s death because we were making love? Because I wanted you?” He closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. “And I thought I was grasping for straws when trying to rationalize our son’s death.” Zach opened his eyes and caught her gaze. “Kendall, you’re being unreasonable. Nick didn’t die because we were making love. He died because…”
Kendall cut him off, her eyes full of unshed tears. “He died because sex was more important to you than checking on my son.” She stood still, the guilt washing over her in waves.
Cursing, Zach grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him. “Don’t you dare say that! Nothing was more important to me than our son. Do you think I haven’t gone over that night a thousand times in my head? Trying to figure out what I could’ve done differently, what would’ve or could’ve made a difference? You’re not the only one who lost a son, Kendall, and you’d better start remembering that.” He dropped her arm when he realized that his grip was tightening.
Kendall ignored the feeling of shame that came over her at his words. Nicholas had been his son too. But if he’d cared, he would’ve let you go and check on him, she reminded herself. She took a deep breath and plunged ahead. “Then what was the excuse for tonight, Zach? I buried my son today. And you – you’re trying to…” She couldn’t even say the words now as the memories of her traitorous body’s reactions came flooding back.
Zach moved closer. “I was trying to comfort you. I didn’t come in here with the intention of making love to you, but it happened. It always happens when you and I are together. You want me to apologize for being attracted to you? I’m not going to. You wanted me just as much as I wanted you.” Kendall shook her head no, her hair tumbling over her shoulders. Zach reached out and touched her hair, wrapping an errant curl around his finger. Releasing it, he took his finger and ran it down the neckline of her robe, parting it and continuing its path between her breasts. He watched her nipples harden as he touched her skin. “See? Your body knows it even if your head refuses to acknowledge the truth.” Kendall’s face flushed in embarrassment as she swatted his finger away. “I’m not going to discuss this with you when you aren’t even willing to see it for what it truly is, Kendall. Nick’s death is neither of our faults. I’m no more to blame for his death than you are.”
“I hate you!” she screamed as she ran into the bathroom and slammed the door, leaving Zach standing alone and shaking his head. He made his way to the closet. He really needed a drink.
************
Kendall began to shake as soon as she locked the door. Crossing over to the vanity, she stared at the woman in the mirror, her hands smoothing the imaginary wrinkles in her robe. Zach may have kept her from checking on Nicholas, but it was her fault he had wanted her in the first place – and tonight was no different. Kendall removed her robe, allowing the silk to fall to the floor as she studied the woman underneath. She felt the tears fill her eyes as the reflection in the mirror confirmed what she already knew. She looked like a slut.
Her eyes traveled over her reflection in the glass, her pale skin contrasting sharply with the black silk gown she wore. Reaching up with a trembling hand, Kendall touched her hair, her fingers attempting to smooth the wild curls that cascaded over her shoulders. Zach had always preferred her hair down, enjoying the feel of it wrapped around his fingers or sliding down over his body. Her eyes lowered to her lips, pink and slightly swollen from his kisses. Biting her lower lip hard enough to draw blood, she tried unsuccessfully to force it to return it to its normal size.
She continued on, focusing next on the gown she wore. She flushed uncomfortably as she noticed that the deep V of her neckline revealed more of her breasts than the gown was concealing. She may as well have been naked for all the coverage the silk provided. Her eyes went to the black straps that decorated her shoulders. She wore them for him, for his fascination with them, busywork for his fingers when she was close to him. She turned slightly to check out her back in the mirror, her eyes closing against the tears as she registered her bare back. No wonder he had wanted her. She fed his need to touch her. Hell, with the way she looked, she practically begged for it. Kendall felt the bile rise in her throat. Hurrying to the toilet, she fell to her knees beside it and raised the lid. Bracing her hands on the cold porcelain, she emptied her stomach, her shoulders heaving as she sobbed.
She stood up shakily and made her way back to the vanity, turning on the cold water. Kendall rinsed out her mouth and took another glance at herself in the mirror. She was flushed, sweat beading on her forehead. The hair around her face was damp, causing the curls to tighten and stick to her skin. Reaching out, she began to open the drawers of the vanity; cursing and slamming them closed one after the other when she couldn’t find what she wanted. Kendall opened the third drawer with such force that the entire drawer and its contents crashed to the floor.
“Kendall? What was that noise? Are you okay?” Zach asked as he knocked on the bathroom door. When he was met with silence, he tried the doorknob only to find it locked. “Kendall, open the door.” he repeated, his palm hitting the center of the door.
Zach’s words barely registered as Kendall’s eyes alighted on her quarry, Zach’s straight razor, in the midst of the items on the floor. Picking it up, she flipped it open, her eyes fixed on the shiny steel. Kendall looked at her reflection in the mirror through her tears. She’d get rid of the curls first. He wouldn’t want to touch her hair without them.
“Kendall, either you open this door right now or I’m going to open it for you!” Zach threatened, his uneasiness growing with each passing second.
With her left hand, Kendall grasped a handful of her hair and pulled it straight out to the side. Grasping the razor tightly, she closed her eyes and began to hack away at the curls, her hot tears streaming down her cheeks as her curls drifted through the air to hit the tile floor.
Bang! The bathroom door flew open and crashed against the wall. Zach burst into the small room only to stop short at the sight in front of him. “Oh my God. Kendall.” he whispered, instantly sobering, his eyes taking in the razor in his wife’s hand and the locks of hair on the floor. Kendall opened her eyes and met Zach’s in the mirror, her frightened eyes meeting his worried ones. When he made a move towards her, she tightened her grip around the razor, unconsciously sliding her fingers closer to the sharp blade. Zach’s face paled. “Kendall, stop! Please!” Zach begged, his eyes locked on the shiny piece of metal in her hand. Ignoring his plea, she began to work faster, trying to finish what she started before he stopped her.
Wrestling her against the vanity, Zach covered her body with his, his right hand grasping her wrist, effectively pinning it – and the razor – to the cool marble top. “Kendall, let go.” he whispered urgently in her ear, his eyes still on hers in the glass. She shook her head, tightening her fingers around the blade. Zach’s eyes shifted to the razor in her hand, his stomach turning as he saw a trickle of blood running down her skin. Swallowing with difficulty, he circled her wrist with his fingers and lifted it from the vanity. He shook her hand frantically, finally succeeding in getting her fingers to open and drop the razor onto the tile. Zach took a step backwards and turned her around forcefully, pushing her back against the vanity and forcing her to meet his gaze. “What the hell were you doing?” he asked, his relief giving way to anger. “Were you trying to hurt yourself?” He picked up her right hand, the cut from the razor dripping blood, and held it up for her inspection. Kendall paled, her legs becoming unsteady beneath her. She pressed her left hand to her mouth to muffle her sob, the tears rolling down her cheeks.
Reaching for a towel, he pressed it against the cut, watching as the pristine white cloth became stained crimson red. Reaching behind her, he turned on the faucet and stuck her hand underneath the cold running water. Zach heard Kendall’s swift intake of breath and watched as she closed her eyes against the pain. “I’m sorry.” Zach’s voice was quiet. Shutting off the faucet, he reached for a clean towel and dried off her hand. Holding it up to examine the wound, Zach released a breath he didn’t know he was holding when he realized that it wasn’t deep and wouldn’t require stitches. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a handkerchief. Folding it several times, Zach wrapped it around her palm and secured it with a knot. Bending, he picked up her discarded robe from the floor. He opened it and held it out to her, nodding when she sent an apprehensive glance his way. “It’s okay. Let’s get this on you.” Kendall slowly turned around and let him help her into the robe, turning back around so that he could tie the sash of her robe.
Kendall’s green eyes filled with tears. Reaching up with a shaky hand, she touched her hair, her fingers finding the small section she had destroyed. He watched as the tears spilled over, his own eyes burning, and reached out to catch her as her body began to slide down the vanity. Zach swung her up in his arms and held her close as she cried, carrying her out of the bathroom and over to the bed. As he attempted to lower her, Kendall wrapped her arms around his neck, preventing him from letting her go. He straightened up and turned around to sit on the bed instead, cradling her in his arms. Zach felt her body shake with the force of her sobs, the sound of them breaking his heart. Kendall buried her face in his shirt and began to speak, her voice muffled against his chest. Lowering his head, he tried to listen to what she was saying. All he could pick up was a bunch of “I’m sorrys” and several “I tried to fix its”. She tried to fix it? Zach tried to understand her logic. He rubbed her back slowly, murmuring into her hair. “Shh…it’ll be okay…we can fix it.” After several minutes, Kendall had cried herself to sleep. Standing slowly, Zach turned and laid her down on the bed. He reached for the throw at the foot of the bed and covered her, his hand touching her hair briefly before heading over to pick up his jacket. He slipped the cell phone out of his pocket and walked out into the hallway, closing the bedroom door behind him.
Flipping open the phone, he hit the familiar speed dial. “Bianca? It’s me…I’m sorry to call so late…Can you come back to the house? It’s Kendall…Thank you…And Bianca? Please keep this just between us…See you soon.” Closing the phone, he slipped it into his pocket. With one last look at the bedroom door, he went downstairs to wait for his sister-in-law.
************
“Zach?” Bianca opened the front door and stuck her head inside. Not getting a response, she entered the hallway and closed the door behind her. Removing her coat and laying it over the banister, she began to walk up the stairs. “Bianca.” Zach’s hoarse voice made it to her ears. “Zach?” she asked as she turned around and descended the stairs. “In here.” His voice came from the darkened living room.
Bianca walked towards the living room, her eyes searching for the light switch in the dark. Finding it, she flicked it on and gasped. “Zach! What’s wrong with Kendall?” She rushed over to the sofa and sat down next to him, frowning when he reached for the glass of scotch in front of him. Moving quickly, she removed the glass from his reach. “What’s going on? I know why you left this afternoon. God knows I would’ve left if I could have. My mother…”
“Your mother’s a bitch,” he spat, “But that’s not why I called you.” Zach leaned his head back against the sofa and closed his eyes, groaning when his head continued to pound. Ignoring the insult to her mother, Bianca stood up from the sofa and picked up the glass of scotch. Walking to the kitchen, she flicked on the light and headed to the sink. Dumping out the scotch, she rinsed out the glass and refilled it with water. Bianca crossed over to the cabinet and opened it, retrieving the bottle of aspirin, and carried them both back into the living room. “Here,” Bianca said, as she held out the glass. Zach opened his eyes and took the glass from her hand, cursing when he noticed his hand shaking. She opened the bottle of aspirin and shook out three tablets into her hand. “Take these, too.” she continued, her tone firm. Zach extended his hand and watched as she deposited three small white tablets into his palm. Folding her leg beneath her, she sat back down on the sofa beside him. “Now, tell me what happened.”
“Your sister and I…we had a difference of opinion.” That was an understatement if he had ever heard one. “Ok, we had a fight.” Bianca focused on Zach’s face, noticing the dark circles under his eyes. “Zach, you and my sister fight all the time. It’s what you do. But you love each other. You’ll get through this.”
Zach shook his head. “I’m not so sure this time.” For the third time in the past ten minutes he wished he had downed that scotch when he had the chance. Bianca reached out and touched his arm. “What made tonight different, Zach?” she asked. He turned his pain-filled eyes toward her. “She blamed me for Nicholas’ death.” And with that he pushed himself off the sofa and began to pace.
************
Bianca opened the bedroom door quietly and walked directly to the bed. Sitting down gingerly on the edge, she reached out to touch Kendall’s hair, her eyes straying to the handkerchief wrapped around Kendall’s hand. Her eyes filled with tears. “Oh, Kendall,” she whispered, “what have you done?” She turned to look at Zach. Standing in the doorway, he made no move to enter the room. “Zach?”
Zach looked at his wife and felt a tear roll down his cheek. “I can’t do this by myself, Bianca. If your offer still stands, I’d like you to stay in Pine Valley.”
** Avatar by the Amazing O! **
Beautiful banner below made for me by Kristine with a little help from TK ~
Edited by: jekyll and hyde 6 at: 8/5/06 5:21 pm
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jekyll and hyde 6
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(7/24/06 9:47 pm)
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Re: Where Your Road Leads (Sequel to It Had To Be You)
Chapter 8
Later that same night
Zach opened the slider and walked out onto the back deck. Scanning the darkness of the backyard for Winnie, he made his way to the stairs, sitting on the top one and setting his glass of scotch down beside him. He turned his head, his eyes immediately going to the second floor bedroom window. Kendall. Feeling the familiar sting in his eyes, Zach closed them against the onset of tears and took a deep breath of the cool night air. The picture of Kendall with his razor in her hand continued to flash behind his eyes, causing him to reach out for his drink. Hearing the ice clink in the glass, he cursed when some of the amber liquid spilled onto his shaky hand. Shifting the glass into his other hand, he went to wipe his hand on his pants only to feel a warm, wet tongue on his skin. Winnie. Before long, any trace of Zach’s prized scotch was gone from his hand.
Zach lowered the glass back down to the deck and faced the bundle of energy beside him. “You really earned your name, didn’t you?” Zach smiled slightly as Winnie barked her affirmation and wagged her tail. Reaching out to scratch behind her ear, Zach watched as Winnie swiveled her head to give him better access before flopping down next to him and exposing her belly. He rubbed her belly absentmindedly, his mind back on his wife. What was she trying to fix?
************
Bianca stood at the window and looked out into the backyard, her eyes drawn to the man on the deck and the glass in his hand. Damn it, Zach! Scotch isn’t going to help you. It’s just going to dull the pain. Her thoughts were cut short when she heard a sound coming from the bed. Rushing to her sister’s side, Bianca sat down on the edge of the bed. Kendall was tossing and turning, tears streaming down her cheeks.
“Shh, Kendall. It’s okay,” Bianca whispered, her hand reaching out to touch Kendall’s shoulder before gently shaking her awake. She watched as Kendall opened her eyes
“Binks?” Struggling to sit up, Kendall tried to focus in the dimly lit room. At her sister’s nod, she let out the sob she had been holding in. “I tried…” Kendall whispered brokenly. Bianca pulled her sister into her arms and let her cry, her hand moving comfortingly up and down Kendall’s back as she cried. “Shh…I know you did, sweetie, I know you did…’ she murmured into Kendall’s hair. “Zach -” Bianca continued, but was cut off when Kendall pulled away, her eyes wide.
“No! Not Zach!” Bianca watched as her sister backed herself up against the headboard and pulled her knees up towards her chest. Kendall reached up to touch her hair. Feeling the soft mass of curls dusting her shoulders, her eyes filled with tears as she met Bianca’s gaze. “I didn’t fix it. They’re still here.” Bianca frowned at Kendall’s words. “Honey, what do you mean they’re still here?” Something was very wrong. Bianca reached over to turn on the bedside lamp. Kendall’s eyes were glassy. “He stopped me…” Kendall’s already quiet voice faded away as she caught a glimpse of her bandaged hand. Bianca reached out and captured her sister’s hand in hers. “Of course he did, Kendall. He loves you.” Kendall shook her head back and forth. “No, no, no. He – He likes them. He likes to touch them, feel them. I hate them! Hate them! I want them gone!” And with that she was off the bed, her bare feet carrying her back to the bathroom. Bianca was right behind her, her hand managing to grab Kendall’s arm and pull her away from the vanity. Kendall struggled as Bianca wrapped her arms around Kendall’s waist. “Let me go, Binks! I need to do this!” Bianca could hear the hysteria in her sister’s voice. “No, Kendall!” Bianca forcibly dragged Kendall out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom. She made it halfway back to the bed before Kendall collapsed against her, forcing Bianca down to the carpet with her as she sobbed her frustration.
************
Hearing the sound of raised voices, Zach turned his head and looked up at the window. “No, Kendall!” Hearing Bianca’s voice, Zach jumped to his feet and ran back inside the house, leaving his glass of scotch behind and the slider open in his haste to get to her.
Winnie got up to follow Zach but stopped when her nose picked up the smell of scotch. Finding Zach’s glass, she quickly began to lap up the remaining liquor, her tail wagging. When she finished, Winnie padded her way to the slider and into the house.
************
Bianca rocked her sister slowly in her arms, much the same way she did Miranda, her hand smoothing Kendall’s hair. Closing her eyes against her own tears, she whispered “It’ll be okay, Kendall, I promise…” At the sound of footsteps, Bianca opened her eyes to see Zach in the doorway about to enter the room. Noting the concern etched on his tired face, she shook her head and mouthed “We’re okay.”, her hand lifting from Kendall’s hair to wave him back. Zach nodded, his shoulders slumping as he turned around and moved away from the doorway. Unable to walk away, he leaned back against the wall, his hands in his pockets. Closing his eyes, he tilted his head back against the wall and waited; needing to be sure that Kendall was okay.
“Kendall.” Bianca whispered. When Kendall didn’t respond, Bianca placed her hands on her sister’s shoulders and pushed her away slightly to look into her eyes. “Kendall, talk to me. Please.” Bianca pleaded. Kendall shook her head and reached up to wipe her eyes with the back of her hand. Looking down at her body, she frowned at the black silk. She stood, albeit unsteadily, and walked over to the bureau. Opening the bottom right drawer, she pulled out a white cotton nightgown and tossed it on the bed. With shaky hands, Kendall untied the sash and shrugged out of her robe, throwing it on the carpet. The nightgown was next, unceremoniously yanked over her head and tossed with the robe. Turning quickly, Kendall picked up the white cotton nightgown and struggled into it, not bothering to unbutton the small button at the back of the neck.
Bianca watched in fascination as her sister tugged the gown over her head roughly and thrust her arms into the long sleeves. Long sleeves? Bianca stood and walked towards her sister, stopping to pick up the discarded lingerie. Shaking out the nightgown and robe, she admired the silk. “Kendall, this is beautiful. Where did-” Bianca’s voice stopped when Kendall reached out and grabbed the garments out of her hand. “No, it’s not!” she said, as she hurried over to the wastebasket in the corner and threw the bundle of silk into it. Walking back to the bureau, Kendall opened the top drawer and began to rummage through it. She pulled out a bunch of lip glosses that were secured by a single elastic band. She removed the band and dropped the glosses back into the drawer. Placing it between her lips, she reached up and smoothed her hair back from her face and into one fist. Retrieving the band from her lips, she maneuvered it around her hair. Bianca watched in confusion, knowing that Kendall was always careful to never use elastics in her hair because they caused her hair to break off. Because of that, Kendall had always preferred to leave it loose, especially at night. “Kendall?” Bianca reached out to touch her arm. “Please tell me what’s going on. I’m worried about you.”
Much better, Kendall thought to herself as she looked at her reflection. Nodding to Bianca, she headed back to the bed. She lifted the covers and slid beneath them, scooting back against the headboard. Pulling her knees to her chest and the covers over them, Kendall lowered her eyes and waited for Bianca to sit beside her. When she felt the mattress dip, she closed her eyes, her hands fisting in the sheet. “What did Zach tell you?” she asked quietly.
Bianca placed her hand over her sister’s and gave a comforting squeeze. Taking a deep breath, she wondered for a brief moment if she should lie…and decided against it. “He said that you two had a bad fight.” Kendall pulled her hand out from under Bianca’s and leaned forward to hug her knees. “You could say that.” she replied. Avoiding her sister’s gaze, she lowered her chin to her chest. “I told him it was his fault that Nicholas was dead.” Because it’s easier than admitting you failed as a mother, the voice in her head screamed.
Although Bianca already knew, hearing the words directly from Kendall’s lips still caused her to suck in her breath. “Kendall, you couldn’t honestly think that.” The tone of Bianca’s voice was enough to make Kendall’s back stiffen. Leaning back, Kendall reached for a tissue on the nightstand and quickly dabbed her eyes. She met Bianca’s gaze. “Did he tell you about that night? Did he tell you what we – we were doing when Nicholas needed us?” she asked as she felt her face flush with shame. Bianca shook her head. “What do you mean? You were sleeping?” She looked at her sister’s flushed face. “Oh! You weren’t sleeping.” Bianca watched as Kendall pulled the sheet up to her chin. “Bianca, I woke up and started to get up and check on Nicholas. Then Zach woke up…he didn’t want me to go…he wanted…” Kendall’s voice faded as she swallowed the lump in her throat. “He wanted and I – I let him…and while we…” she said, her stomach churning as she flashed back to that night, “my son died.” Bianca reached out to Kendall, her eyes wide and filled with sympathy. “Oh, Kendall…” she whispered. Kendall felt the tears begin again and angrily wiped them away. “Sex was more important to him than letting me to check on my son.”
“Sweetie, that’s not true! Zach loves you and he loved Nicholas.” Bianca tried to reason with her sister. Kendall shook her head. “But it wasn’t enough, now was it? Nicholas is dead. And what about today?” she asked, her hands gesturing jerkily. “If Zach ‘loved’ Nicholas so much, why didn’t he stick around after the service? Thank God Ryan was here. I don’t know what I would’ve done without him.” She wrapped her arms around her knees.
Bianca could feel her anger rising. “Kendall, that’s not fair. You don’t know what happened this afternoon. I don’t blame Zach for leaving. What Mom did, it was cruel.” Bianca thought back to her mother’s dramatics.
Kendall threw the covers back and stretched out her legs, crossing her arms belligerently across her chest. “Don’t. Don’t even go there, Binks. Zach has always been able to handle Mother. There’s no way he’d let her get to him. Just accept it. He left because he didn’t want to be here. He did what he thought was required and he left. I don’t know why he showed up to begin with. It’s not as if…” Kendall stopped to take a ragged breath before continuing, her eyes narrowing. “And besides, since when do you defend my husband? You’re my sister. You should be defending me. You should be on my side – not his!”
“Kendall, I am on your side.” Bianca said, trying to reassure her sister. “But I know that Zach loves you. He’d be in here right now if I’d have let him.” Her words meant to comfort triggered a different, unexpected reaction in Kendall. “No! I don’t want him in here. I don’t want him anywhere near me.” The hysteria was back in Kendall’s voice as she reached out and grabbed Bianca’s hand, her eyes pleading. “You have to keep him out of here, Binks. Promise me! I can’t have him here with me. I can’t. I just can’t.” Kendall’s voice kept rising as she talked faster and faster, needing to make sure Bianca would do as she was bid. He might touch me. she thought to herself. In an effort to calm Kendall down, Bianca readily agreed. “I promise.” Pulling her sister into her arms, she murmured her promise into her hair, her mind on the distraught man downstairs. Bianca pulled back, reaching up to tuck a curl behind Kendall’s ear. “Honey, why don’t you get some sleep and we’ll talk in the morning?” Kendall nodded, reaching out to give Bianca one last hug. “Thanks, Binks.” she whispered. Releasing her, Kendall slid down in the bed and rolled over onto her side. Bianca stood up from the bed and adjusted the covers over her sister. Bending over, she placed a kiss on her cheek. As she straightened up, Bianca turned off the bedside lamp and made her way to the door. She stood in the doorway for a second before closing the door behind her. Turning around, Bianca walked right into her sister’s husband seated on the floor in the hall.
************
Zach was sitting motionless on the floor, Winnie by his side, when Bianca exited the bedroom. A tear slid down his cheek as his head tried to process what he had just heard. Kendall didn’t want him anywhere near her. In fact, she had begged her sister to ensure it. Lowering his head into his hands, he thrust his fingers into his already tousled hair, her words It’s not as if… repeating themselves over and over in his head. He didn’t need her to finish her sentence. He knew exactly what she was going to say. It’s not as if Nicholas was his son. He sucked in his breath at the sharp pain those words caused in his chest. Any excuse he would’ve grabbed onto to explain this away disappeared when he reminded himself that Kendall wouldn’t lie to Bianca. She actually thought…
“Zach?” Bianca’s quiet voice intruded on his thoughts. Standing slowly, he avoided Bianca’s gaze, sliding his hands into his pockets and leaning back against the wall. Bianca looked at the man beside her, her stomach churning. She closed her eyes briefly and prayed that he hadn’t been out here long. “Zach? How much did you hear?” Bianca asked, trepidation in her voice. Straightening up, he turned to face his sister-in-law, the pain in his eyes causing Bianca to gasp and reach out to him. “Everything. I heard everything.” Zach’s voice broke and he quickly turned away and headed towards the stairs, leaving Bianca alone in the hall.
************
Hearing voices in the hall, Kendall sat up in bed and turned on the light. Zach. She threw off the covers and made her way to the door, pressing her ear against it. After a few minutes she heard footsteps going down the stairs. Closing her eyes in relief, Kendall leaned her back against the door and took a deep breath. They were gone. Opening her eyes, she glanced over at the wastebasket and noticed the black silk hanging over the side. Reaching behind her, she turned the lock in the door.
************
“Zach, wait!” Bianca called after him, as she hurried down the stairs behind him. Ignoring her, Zach walked into the living room and flicked on the light. Storming over to the liquor cabinet, he opened it and removed the large bottle of scotch. Zach grabbed a glass from the bar and headed to the kitchen, Bianca following along behind him. Slamming the bottle down on the kitchen counter, he turned and opened the freezer, filling his glass with ice. Closing the freezer, he reached for the scotch, his hand covering Bianca’s around the neck of the bottle. “This isn’t the answer, Zach.” Bianca’s voice was filled with concern. Zach raised his eyes to hers. “Maybe you’re not asking the right questions.” Setting his glass down, he removed her hand from the bottle. “Thank you,” he said. Picking up the glass and bottle, Zach walked around Bianca to the still open slider and stepped out into the night air.
He walked over to the recently vacated stairs and sat back down, Winnie by his side. Setting the bottle down, Zach noticed the glass from earlier was now empty. He looked over at Winnie and shook his head. “Do I even have to ask?” Winnie tilted her head and wagged her tail. Zach reached out and scratched her behind her ear. “Maybe this time I’ll get to finish it.” Turning, he picked up the bottle and poured himself a finger of scotch. He brought the glass to his lips and downed its contents in one shot before putting it down and refilling it. Feeling Winnie nudge his thigh, he poured a small amount in the other empty glass and set it in front of the puppy. Lifting his glass, he clinked it against Winnie’s. “Cheers.” He took a deep drink and closed his eyes as the liquor burned its way down his throat and into his stomach. Bianca was wrong. he thought as the pain began to dull. This was exactly the answer he needed tonight.
************
Bianca watched in silence as Zach poured himself another drink. He was on his third, and from what she could see the amount in each glass seemed to increase with each refill. He was staring off into the darkness, his elbows on his knees. She thought back on what Kendall had told her. It had been hard for her to hear, but she could only imagine what it had done to Zach. Hearing the coffeepot sputter behind her, Bianca turned away from the glass. She walked to the counter and lifted two mugs off of the hooks below the cabinet. Setting them down on the counter, she filled them both with coffee. Getting the cream from the refrigerator, she added a splash to one of the mugs and stirred it in quickly. She returned it to the refrigerator and walked back to the counter to pick up the mugs. She and her brother-in-law were going to have a talk.
************
It needed to be destroyed. Kendall pulled the nightgown and robe out of the wastebasket and tossed them on the end of the bed. Picking up the delicate nightgown, she placed a hand on either side of the bodice and pulled, not stopping until the satisfying sounds of stitches popping and the silk ripping was heard. She lifted the robe up next but couldn’t rip it with her hands. She needed help. Dropping it on the bed, Kendall turned around and scanned the bedroom. Her eyes alighted on a pastel-striped box that was stored underneath a chair. Dropping to her knees, Kendall slid the box out from under the chair and lifted off the cover. Reaching into the box, she pulled out a large Ziploc bag filled with various art supplies. Opening it, she dug around inside until she found what she was looking for. Scissors. Kendall went to drop the bag back into the box but stopped, her gaze landing on the pictures inside. She picked up the first picture, her eyes filling with tears as she traced it with her finger. Turning it over, she read the note on the back: Nicholas – 1 month – July 2006. Clutching it to her chest, she allowed the tears to fall. He was gone and it was her fault. Kendall wiped her eyes and reached for the scissors.
************
Zach didn’t acknowledge Bianca’s presence until she threatened to pour the entire steaming mug of coffee over his head. He felt her pry the glass from his hand and replace it with a ceramic mug. Sighing in resignation, he wrapped both hands around the mug’s heat and watched dispassionately as Bianca dumped the remainder of his drink over the railing and onto the grass. After moving the bottle of scotch out of Zach’s reach, Bianca sat down next to him and waited for him to speak.
“I’ve made a decision.” Zach’s voice was hoarse. Bianca felt a shiver of foreboding travel down her spine. She looked over at her brother-in-law, alarmed when he wouldn’t meet her gaze. “I’m going to move out and stay at the casino.” Zach said, lifting the mug to his lips. His words were met with silence. Closing his eyes, he let out a sigh, grateful that she wasn’t going to fight him. “I’ll still take care of everything here. Just let me know if you… need anything.” He stood up quickly, needing to get away before she changed her mind. “Thanks for the coffee.” He had almost made it to the slider before Bianca’s words brought him up short.
“I never figured you for a coward.”
** Avatar by the Amazing O! **
Beautiful banner below made for me by Kristine with a little help from TK ~
Edited by: jekyll and hyde 6 at: 8/5/06 5:21 pm
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jekyll and hyde 6
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Posts: 20
(7/24/06 9:49 pm)
Reply
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Re: Where Your Road Leads (Sequel to It Had To Be You)
Chapter 9
Later that same night
“I never figured you for a coward.”
Zach closed his eyes and took a deep breath before turning around to face his sister-in-law. “Bianca, you heard her,” he said tiredly. “She doesn’t want me here. I believe her exact words were ‘I don’t want him anywhere near me.’ It’s hard to misunderstand that.” Bianca shook her head. “Zach, she’s hurting…” Zach swore angrily. “And I’m not? Damn it, Bianca, I lost a son, too!” He walked past her to sit back down on the stairs. Bianca came up behind him, her voice low. “I’m sorry, Zach. I know you did. But Kendall is just acting out. It’s what she does when she’s hurt.” She placed her hand on Zach’s shoulder only to have him shrug it off. “Don’t.” The tone of his voice caused her to back away slightly. “I know she’s your sister, but you have to stop making excuses for her. Kendall’s a big girl. She knows exactly what she’s saying and what she’s doing.” He ran his fingers through his tousled hair. “Since she never thought of me as Nicholas’ father, I’m really beginning to wonder what the hell I’ve been doing here the past few months.”
Bianca quickly moved to his side and sat down. Reaching out, she grasped his chin and forced him to look at her. “Zach Slater, don’t you dare say that! Kendall has always thought of you as Nicholas’ father.” Zach reached up and removed her hand from his chin. “I’m a little fuzzy right now.” he said. “Was that before or after she gave Ryan his paternal rights?” He turned away to gaze out into the dark backyard. Bianca took a deep breath and counted to ten. Her brother-in-law could try the patience of a saint. “Zach, Kendall was trying to do what she thought was right for her son. You can’t fault her for that.” Bianca said quietly. Zach turned to look at her. “There it is again.” he said. Bianca looked at him in confusion. “There what is?” she asked. “Her son. Even you think of Nicholas as hers.” he argued, ignoring the voice in his head that was telling him he was being ridiculous. He put down the now empty mug and stood up quickly. “I may be a slow learner, but I finally get it. And the sooner you accept it, the better off you’ll be.”
************
Kendall opened the closet, her hands flipping jerkily through the hangers. Where was it? She started yanking hangers full of clothes out of the closet and flinging them to the floor in her haste to find it. Finally. It was in the back of the closet. Pulling it out, Kendall carried it to the bed. This is what had started everything that night, she reminded herself. Her eyes traveled over the black dress, noting the spaghetti straps and plunging neckline. As her eyes filled with tears, Kendall reached for the scissors on the bed and began to cut. Minutes later, the expensive designer dress was unrecognizable, cut into strips of material and thrown on the floor.
She felt the sob rising in her throat. Everything like this has to go. Hurrying back to the closet, Kendall began to examine the remainder of her clothes. Everything seemed to have spaghetti straps, flirty sleeves, no sleeves, or be form-fitting. “Oh God”, she muttered disgustedly. “Why even bother with clothes if you’re only going to advertise what’s underneath.” She felt her stomach churn. How could she blame Zach for this? One by one she pulled them out of the closet, her scissors making quick work of the offending features on each of the garments. Soon, the ruined clothing was scattered across the room. Kendall looked at the destruction she had created, expecting to feel better but she only felt worse. The pain hadn’t lessened. Her gaze traveled back to the closet and landed on Zach’s hidden bottle of scotch. She walked towards it in a daze, her trembling hand reaching out to grasp the bottle. Carrying it over to the bed, she sat down on its edge. She had never been a scotch drinker, but Zach seemed to like it. Maybe it would help her to feel numb. Opening the bottle, she placed the cap on the bed beside her. Lifting it to her lips, she took a deep drink, coughing as it burned its way down her throat. It wasn’t helping and Kendall’s tears continued to fall. It seemed to help Zach, she reminded herself, bringing it back to her lips. Closing her eyes against the tears she tried to force more of the amber liquid down her throat. As she tilted the bottle higher, Kendall caught a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror. What was she doing? she asked herself. God, she was pathetic. Kendall began to shake violently, suddenly remembering what Erica was like when she drank. She was not going to become her mother. “No!” she screamed. Lifting the bottle, she threw it at her reflection in the mirror, shattering the glass to bits.
************
“Zach, Kendall loves you. You know that. You both have been through so much to get to where you are now. You two just need time to grieve and work on things together.” Bianca stood up as well, determined to convince him that he needed to stay with her sister. “You might need to-” she began and was cut off. “That’s just it, Bianca. It’s always me who needs to do something.” Zach interjected. “I’m sick and tired of always being the one who’s wrong and has to fix things. I can’t do it anymore. I’m done.” He looked away from her gaze. “Kendall wants me gone. Look at it as me giving her what she wants.” Bianca was silent, for once unable to argue as her heart broke for the man in front of her. She was trying to come up with something to convince him to stay when the stillness of the night was broken by a muffled scream and a loud crash. His eyes flew to the second floor bedroom window. Kendall. Zach turned and ran towards the house, Bianca right behind him.
************
Taking the stairs two at a time, Zach reached the bedroom door in seconds. He went to turn the doorknob only to find it locked. “Kendall!” When he didn’t get a response he stepped back from the door. Lifting his shoulder, Zach threw himself against the door, the slight lock giving way under his strength. The door opened, slamming against the wall behind it. Scanning the room, his eyes found his wife sitting on the floor at the foot of their bed crying. He rushed towards her, crouching down by her side. “Kendall! Are you okay?” he asked, his hands reaching out to touch her and make sure only to have Kendall sob and shrink back out of his reach. Bianca watched the exchange with concern, her wide eyes taking in the disarray surrounding Kendall. Walking over to Zach, she touched his arm in reassurance and whispered, “Let me.” Bianca carefully made her way to Kendall’s side, trying not to step on the clothes, liquid, and glass on the carpet. Kneeling down beside her sister, Bianca grasped Kendall’s shaking hands. “Honey, are you okay?” Bianca let her eyes roam over Kendall’s form, letting out a breath of relief when she didn’t find any injuries. Pulling her sister into her arms, Bianca held her close as Kendall sobbed against her shoulder.
Zach stood up silently and ran his hand through his hair, his eyes traveling around the room and surveying the mess. His gaze landed on the mirror above the bureau, the shattered glass, and amber liquid running down it onto the cherry wood. In the middle of the puddle of liquor were the remains of a Pinwinnie scotch bottle. His eyes shifted to the closet, finding it open and empty, and answered his own question. Zach looked at the floor of the room. There were clothes everywhere. His eyes landed on a black and white floral print blouse. Trying to navigate around the clothes on the carpet, he walked over to it and picked it up. He looked at the blouse in his hands, noticing for the first time that the sleeves were gone, cut away from the blouse. What the…?
Zach continued picking up different items of clothing, noticing that each item had been altered and rendered unwearable in some way. He turned slowly, his eyes noticing a pile of black fabric arranged haphazardly on the bed. Taking the material in his hand, he rubbed his fingers along the fabric. Her robe from earlier. He dropped it to pick up the matching nightgown, only to find it ripped down its front. His eyes shifted back to his distraught wife. What was she doing? Turning his attention back to the bed, he noticed narrow black strips of material thrown haphazardly on the floor beside it. Tossing the nightgown aside, Zach walked around the bed and picked up one of the strips in his hand. He stood and stared at it, trying to figure out what the article of clothing it had started out as. Looking around the room, it looked as if this was the only piece of clothing that had been entirely destroyed. His fingers rubbed the fabric as he tried to place the material. After a minute or two, he remembered. Unless he missed his guess, it was Kendall’s new black dress. His eyes narrowed, causing a furrow to appear between his brows. This didn’t make any sense. Why would Kendall destroy the dress so completely?
Rubbing his face, Zach closed his eyes and tried to remember the last time she had worn it. Dinner. She had worn it the last time they went out to dinner. Thinking back, Zach remembered flirting with his wife before they left for the restaurant, zipping up her dress…He also remembered removing it from her body and what had followed. It had been amazing…the thought died away as he abruptly remembered how the evening had ended. Zach’s eyes shot open and he flung the strip of fabric away from him, suddenly unable to touch it. Oh God. It was the dress she had worn that night... He turned away from the bed quickly, his eyes narrowing as they immediately shifted to Kendall. He could understand why she had destroyed the dress, but he didn’t understand why she had destroyed the other articles of clothing. He watched as Bianca slowly started to stand up, pulling Kendall along with her. Wanting to help, Zach took a step towards them but stopped when Bianca shook her head. She wrapped her arm around Kendall’s waist. “Come on, sweetie. Let’s get you into bed.” she said softly. “You need to rest.” Bianca maneuvered Kendall over to the side of the bed and turned down the covers, ushering her sister inside. Kendall sat on the edge of the bed, her eyes on Zach as she swung her legs up onto the mattress. Scooting down, she arranged her nightgown over her legs and laid back against the pillow as Bianca tucked her in.
Zach didn’t move, his eyes were locked onto Kendall’s. He saw the apprehension in her eyes change to…regret? He saw the tears in her eyes, mentally cursing himself because he couldn’t make her pain go away. Kendall’s mouth moved silently causing Zach to shift his gaze to her lips. After watching closely, he finally made out what she was trying to say…I’m sorry. He walked towards her and sat down on the edge of the bed. Reaching out, he wiped a tear from her cheek and moved an errant curl behind her ear. “Bianca’s right. You need to sleep.” Kendall nodded and lay back down. Zach watched as she closed her eyes and rolled over onto her side away from him. He adjusted the covers over her and placed his hand on her shoulder, needing to touch her. Closing his eyes, he sighed softly. Suddenly he felt a hand cover his. Opening his eyes, he saw that Kendall had reached up and placed her hand over his, effectively holding him to her as she slept. He felt a tear slide down his face. He turned to look at Bianca. Maybe they could work through this after all.
************
Bianca walked around the room, picking up the scattered articles of clothing and putting them in a pile. Her eyes returned to the couple on the bed. Sighing softly, she watched Kendall sleep peacefully for what she was sure was the first time in days. Bianca shifted her concerned gaze to her brother-in-law. The look on his face when he had glanced her way earlier had given her hope. She hadn’t doubted for a second that he loved Kendall or that Kendall loved him. And now that Kendall had finally reached out to him, she was sure that he would stay. Kendall needed him and Zach would never turn his back on her. They needed to grieve together. Maybe this was the beginning. At least she hoped so.
Zach reached out to touch Kendall’s hair with his free hand. His fingers unerringly found the shortened section of hair. Lifting a portion of it, he let the silky strands slide through his fingers. Kendall, what were you trying to do? His eyes strayed to her face while he tried to figure out what she had been thinking. Returning his fingers to her hair, he stroked it softly from her scalp to the ends, trying to soothe her with his touch. Zach felt Kendall shift beneath his hands. “Zach…” Kendall murmured softly, still asleep. Zach felt his heart constrict. “I’m right here, Kendall. Shh…” he whispered as he caressed her cheek with the back of his hand. “Mmm…” she moaned softly as she buried her head deeper into the pillow. Zach watched her as she slept, unwilling to leave her side.
Feeling a hand on his shoulder, Zach turned his head to find Bianca standing behind him. “Zach, why don’t you let her sleep and come downstairs? she asked. “I’ll make you some coffee and something to eat.” Bianca could tell he was going to refuse and pressed on. “Zach, we need to talk about what happened tonight.” It was the worried look in her eyes that got to him. Zach nodded and agreed, saying “Give me a minute and I’ll be right down.” Bianca moved closer to the bed and bent to kiss Kendall’s head. Bianca squeezed his shoulder. “I’ll see you downstairs.” With one last glance at her sister, Bianca walked around the bed and exited the room.
Zach caressed Kendall’s cheek one last time. “I need to go, but I’ll be back.” he whispered. Sliding his hand out from underneath hers slowly and stood up. Bending down, he kissed the top of her head. “I love you, Kendall. Don’t ever forget that.” He backed away from the bed, noticing for the first time that Bianca had picked up the room. His clothes were hung back up in the closet. All of Kendall’s clothing had been piled up in the chair in the corner. Even the broken glass of the scotch bottle had been removed and the liquor soaked up by the towel lying across the carpet. Picking up the towel, Zach headed to the bathroom to toss it in the hamper. Flicking on the light, he noticed that Bianca had been there too. There were no remnants of the scene that had taken place earlier. Opening the hamper, Zach dropped the towel inside and flicked off the light, closing the door behind him. Satisfied that Kendall was sleeping peacefully, he left the bedroom and headed downstairs.
************
Bianca poured two mugs of coffee and set them down on the kitchen table. Hearing Zach’s footsteps, she turned around and indicated a chair. “Sit.” Zach pulled out the chair and sank down into it, his hands reaching for the steaming mug of black coffee in front of him. Taking a deep drink, he closed his eyes and let the liquid warm him up. Bianca walked to the refrigerator and opened it, pulling out cream for her coffee and the plate of deli sandwiches from the gathering earlier that afternoon and carried them to the counter. Glancing over at Zach, she asked “Have you eaten anything today?” Zach shook his head and kept his eyes closed. “I’m not hungry.” Opening a cabinet, Bianca pulled out two plates and set them out on the counter. She unwrapped the plate of sandwiches and selected a chicken salad sandwich for herself and two roast beef sandwiches for Zach. Carrying the plates and the cream over to the kitchen table, she placed Zach’s in front of him. “Eat.” she ordered, as she poured a small amount of cream into her coffee. Zach opened his eyes and smiled slightly. “Pretty bossy, aren’t you?” he asked. Bianca arched one perfect eyebrow. Zach opened his mouth to argue and promptly closed it again when he realized that he didn’t have a choice. Picking up a sandwich, he took a bite and began to chew, suddenly realizing that he was starving. He polished off the first sandwich in record time and began on the second one, studiously ignoring Bianca’s smile.
When he finished, Zach grabbed a napkin from its holder and wiped his mouth. “Happy now?” he asked. “Much”, Bianca replied, as she stood up and took their empty plates over to the dishwasher and loaded them inside. Picking up the carafe of coffee, she carried it to the table and refilled Zach’s mug. She walked back to the counter to return the carafe, stopping at the sink afterwards to wash her hands. Picking up a Ziploc bag, she brought it back to the table with her and sat down. Bianca took a deep breath and slid the bag across the table. “Zach, what are we going to do about this?”
Zach picked up the bag and turned it over in his hands, his hands shaking as his eyes fixed on the razor. He flashed back to the image of the razor in Kendall’s hands and felt the panic he felt earlier return. “What the hell was she trying to do, Bianca?” He dropped the bag on the table and looked at his sister-in-law. “She was hacking away at her hair when I forced my way into the bathroom. The closer I got to her…” He lowered his gaze. “She was afraid of me. I saw it in her eyes…She’s never been afraid of me,” he mumbled.
Bianca reached across the table and placed her hand on his. “Zach, Kendall’s not thinking clearly right now. She knows you’d never hurt her.” Her eyes pleaded with him to believe her. Zach shook his head. “You were there. You saw it.” he argued. “Every time I tried to get near her she backed away. She wouldn’t let me touch her.” He sat back in the chair and crossed his arms across his chest, his eyes fixed on the ceiling. Bianca looked away. She had seen it earlier herself, both at the service and again when they had found Kendall on the floor crying. Kendall wouldn’t let Zach near her, preferring to be comforted by Bianca.
Zach lowered his gaze from the ceiling and caught the look on Bianca’s face. He leaned forward. “What is it?” he asked anxiously. “What do you know?” Looking into Zach’s face, Bianca realized she had never been more uncomfortable. Zach was desperately looking for an explanation, some insight into his wife’s behavior. How do you tell a man that you think his wife doesn’t want him anywhere near her because he reminds her of the night her son died? “It’s that bad.” Zach stated his voice flat. “Bianca, I can take it.” He caught her gaze. “It can’t be any worse than losing a son.” When she didn’t answer, he kept at her. “Tell me.”
“Zach,” Bianca started. How was she going to do this? How was she going to tell him something that would surely send him into a downward spiral and further away from Kendall? She couldn't tell him. “Bianca,” Zach prompted, “please.” he pleaded quietly.
“I've never seen Kendall look so lost before. I think you need to get her some help.” A shrink. She wanted him to send Kendall to a shrink. Bianca watched as Zach pushed himself away from the table and stood up. He headed over to the counter, opening up a drawer and tossing the bag inside. Closing the drawer, Zach shook his head and turned back to Bianca. “Bianca, I don’t think…” he began, stopping when he saw Kendall in the doorway. “Kendall? What are you doing up?” Zach asked. He watched as Kendall moved towards him, stopping beside him to touch his arm and kiss his cheek. “I’m getting a bottle for Nicholas. He must be hungry by now.” she said as she looked at the clock. Zach inhaled sharply, feeling as if he had been kicked in the stomach. Oh, God, no.He watched as Kendall opened the end cabinet to get a bottle and frowned when they weren’t there. Turning to Zach she asked, “Did you forget to run the dishwasher?”
Bianca watched Zach’s face pale and quickly made her way to Kendall’s side. “Kendall, that was me. I’m sorry. I’ll wash one. Why don’t you go back upstairs? I’ll get the bottle ready and bring it up to you.” Bianca wrapped her arm around her sister’s waist and guided her towards the hall. Kendall gave her sister a quick hug. “Thanks, Binks.” She turned to her husband. “Zach, are you coming?” she asked. Zach finally managed to find his voice. “In a minute.” He shifted his gaze to Bianca. Seeing her nod, he turned his attention back to Kendall. “I just need to show Bianca where we keep the formula. You go ahead. I’ll be right behind you.” Kendall smiled. “I love you.” she said softly. Zach felt the tears burning behind his eyes and tried to swallow past the lump that materialized in his throat. “I love you, too.” He managed to choke out. Kendall turned her attention to Bianca. “Don’t keep him too long. I need him.” With a wink, she turned and exited the kitchen.
Zach reached out to grab onto the counter, his knuckles white as he watched Kendall walk down the hall. Turning to Bianca, his stricken eyes met her stunned ones. “What just happened?” he asked. He made his way slowly to a chair. “It’s like the past week never happened…” he whispered to himself. Bianca followed him and crouched down beside him. “Zach, it’s one of the ways she’s dealing with her grief. She really needs to get help. This isn’t healthy, you know that.” She placed a hand on his knee. “Zach.” She waited until he met her gaze. “Promise me. Promise me that you’ll call the doctor in the morning.” Zach nodded, finally realizing that he didn’t have a choice. Kendall needed something that he couldn’t give her.
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Edited by: jekyll and hyde 6 at: 8/5/06 5:22 pm
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jekyll and hyde 6
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(7/24/06 9:54 pm)
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Re: Where Your Road Leads (Sequel to It Had To Be You)
Chapter 10
Present – September 2006
Zach laced up the ice skates tightly and stood up, bringing his cold hands to his mouth and blowing on them. “There you go, son.” Nicholas smiled, his green eyes sparkling. “Is Mommy going to skate too?” Zach laughed as a picture of Kendall on skates flashed through his mind. “Nick, I don’t think so. Your mom…well, she’s-.” His words died away when he felt a tap on his shoulder. Turning around, he saw his wife. “She’s definitely going to try.” Kendall interjected, her eyes narrowing as she looked at her husband. Zach let his gaze travel down her body, his eyes lingering appreciatively on her long legs encased in snug blue jeans before they came to rest on her feet…clad in white ice skates.
“Yay! Mommy’s gonna skate!” Nicholas exclaimed, his little hand reaching out to grab Kendall’s and pull her towards the ice. Zach quickly intervened when he saw Kendall wobble on her feet and reach out to grasp the short wall next to her. Wrapping his arm around her waist, Zach pulled her close, laughing quietly in her ear. “Sure. You’re going to skate.” he taunted. Zach winced as Kendall pulled away and hit him in the chest. “Hey!” he exclaimed, his hand clutching his chest. Kendall smiled sweetly. “What?” she asked innocently, as she began to move away from him. “Zach, if a five year old can do this, I’m sure I can.” she said, carefully making her way onto the ice. Holding onto the wall, she slowly began to slide her feet forward. Nicholas skated to her side, his hand outstretched. “I’ll help you, Mommy. Hold my hand.” Kendall lifted her eyes from the ice and looked over at her son, her eyes filling with happy tears. Zach saw the tears as he skated up beside them. “Nick, why don’t you let me help Mommy?” He reached for Kendall’s hand and threaded his fingers through hers. “That way, you can show her how it’s done.” Zach looked at his wife to gauge her reaction. Kendall nodded gratefully, unable to find her voice. Nicholas grinned and skated in front of them.
Zach pulled Kendall close, his head bent towards hers. “We have a pretty great kid, don’t we?” he whispered. Kendall nodded slowly as she tilted her head up towards his. “Yes we do.” she agreed as she reached up with her free hand to touch his face. “And he’s got a pretty great dad, too.” Zach captured her hand in his and kissed her palm before holding her hand against his chest. “But not as great as his mom.” he whispered, as he touched his lips to hers. Lost in their own world, Zach came back to reality when he felt someone pulling on his jacket. Releasing Kendall’s lips, he turned to look down at his son. “Eww! Daddy, you’re ‘posed to help Mommy skate. Not kiss.” He heard Kendall smother a laugh. Zach shot her a look before turning his attention back to his son. “Nick, Daddy gave Mommy a kiss to help her skate.” he said, proud of himself for coming up with a plausible explanation. He felt Kendall grab his arm as she wobbled beside him. Nicholas looked at Kendall and tilted his head. “Daddy, it didn’t work.” he declared matter-of-factly. Zach laughed and shook his head. “Evidently not.” he said. He turned to look at Kendall. “Should we try again?” Kendall smile faded and she shook her head. “No, Zach, I don’t want to try again. It’s over.” Zach looked at her in confusion as she began to skate away. Skate? “Kendall?” he called after her. She didn’t stop. He tried to go after her, only to find out he couldn’t move his legs. “Kendall!” he cried. How could she just leave them? “Nick?” Zach turned to look for his son only to find that his little boy too had disappeared. Suddenly Zach was left all alone...
************
“No…we can try…” Zach mumbled in his sleep. “Come back…” His head tossed back and forth on the pillow. “Kendall!” he screamed, the sound rousing himself from his dream. Zach sat up in bed and looked around the room, his heart pounding, his breathing labored. It was only a dream. He took several deep breaths and ran a shaky hand through his hair. Kendall. He needed to check on Kendall. Zach got up from the bed and hurried out of the room, not stopping until he opened Kendall’s door and stepped inside. Crossing over to the bed, his anxious eyes took in the sleeping form of his wife. Zach let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding, as he reached out to brush a stray curl from Kendall’s face. She was here. She looked so…peaceful. If he didn’t know better, it would be easy to look at her and forget the heartache and pain she had endured over the past few weeks. He had been so sure that the doctor was right…until tonight.
He thought back to the morning after Nicholas’ burial. Somehow he and Bianca had managed to convince Kendall to see a doctor. Against his better judgment, Zach had acquiesced to the doctor’s request that he be allowed to talk to Kendall alone. An hour later, the woman who exited the doctor’s office was not the woman he came in with. Dr. Jensen had walked Kendall out to the waiting room and asked to see Zach. Kendall had just smiled and sent him on his way, promising to wait. The young doctor had explained that Kendall was just acting out in her grief. You can’t predict the reaction a mother would have to the loss of a child, she had said. She had convinced Zach that he just needed to be patient and supportive. But things changed when they returned home. Kendall had immediately withdrawn, preferring to be alone. Following his instincts, he had contacted another doctor just to get a second opinion. Dr. Marshall had been willing to talk to him and had extracted a promise that Zach call him if anything like that night happened again. And tonight he’d had to follow through on that promise.
He glanced over at the clock. Four o’clock. The sedative Dr. Marshall gave her should be starting to wear off shortly. He bent and adjusted the throw over Kendall’s body before turning around to leave, stopping when he heard her call his name.
“Zach?” Kendall’s voice was quiet and sleep-laden as she struggled to sit up. Zach turned around slowly, his eyes wary. “Did you need something?” he asked. Kendall nodded, scooting over and making room for him beside her. Zach approached the bed slowly and gingerly sat down. “What-” The question died on his lips as Kendall wrapped her arms around his neck and slid her fingers into his hair. “You. I need you.” she whispered as she pulled him into her arms and laid her cheek on his chest.
The momentary shock caused Zach to remain still, his mind racing. Kendall pulled back and looked into his face, frowning when his arms didn’t immediately wrap around her. “You look so tired,” she whispered, caressing his face with the back of her hand. Zach reached up and grasped her hand, stilling its movement. What was going on? he asked himself. His weary eyes met hers. “Zach, the casino can manage without you for a few hours. Come to bed.” she said as she leaned up and placed a soft kiss on his lips. Kendall pulled her hand back and scooted over, making room for Zach to lie down beside her. Against his better judgment, Zach swung his legs up on the mattress. He leaned back until his head rested on Kendall’s pillow, making sure he was as close to the edge of the bed as possible. Kendall moved to his side and pressed her body against his; placing both her hand and her head on Zach’s chest, she closed her eyes. Unable to sleep, Zach stared at the ceiling, his mind replaying her soft kiss.
************
She leaned over and placed a soft kiss on Zach’s lips. She pulled back to look into his eyes before leaning in and kissing him again, her mouth opening over his as she traced the seam of his lips with her tongue. He sucked in his breath, unwittingly giving her the opening she craved. “Mmm,” she moaned as she slid her tongue past his lips into the warm, wet heat of his mouth. Her hands moved to his chest, her fingers nimbly unbuttoning his shirt.
For a moment Zach returned her kiss, his tongue stroking hers lazily as his hands buried themselves in her hair. But then reality came rushing back and he pushed her away, ending the kiss. Removing his hands from her hair, he placed them over hers, stilling them in their mission to strip him of his shirt. Breathing heavily, he closed his eyes, willing his body to calm down. “Kendall,” he rasped, “what are you doing? She lowered her head and placed her cheek against his, her mouth next to his ear. “What do you think I’m doing?” she whispered in his ear before tracing its shell with her tongue. She nipped his earlobe gently with her teeth and felt his body tense beneath her hands. “I don’t think-” he began, only to have her cut him off. “I’m trying to apologize,” she whispered as her soft lips traveled down his neck and tasted his skin. “Let me apologize, Zach. Let me make it better.” Zach squeezed his eyes shut as her lips and tongue traveled along his collarbone before making their way down his exposed chest.Make it better? She was slowly killing him, he thought to himself,but this doesn’t make any sense. Trying to fix things the way she always had in the past wasn’t going to work this time.
She stopped when she noticed Zach wasn’t responding. Straightening up, she sat back on her heels and looked at her husband in the soft light. “Zach,” she whispered, “look at me.” She reached out and grasped his chin, running her thumb over the dimple in its center. Zach opened his eyes slowly, trying to read the woman in front of him and failing miserably. Warily, he watched her take a deep breath. “I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting.” she said, her eyes filling with tears. “I never should’ve said what I did.” Zach didn’t pretend to misunderstand, but he couldn’t look at her when the pain in his chest came back with a vengeance. Removing her hand from his chin, he let it fall to the bed and rolled over onto his side, his eyes burning as her words to Bianca came back to him.‘It’s not as if he was Nicholas’ father.’He would’ve felt less pain if she had tried to remove his heart with a dull knife. Nicholas. He had loved that boy as much as he loved her, and to hear her dismiss him like that had cut him deeply. His thoughts went back to earlier that night. ‘Get your hands off me, you murdering son of a bitch!...This is your fault. You’re the reason my son is dead!’ Zach rubbed the back of his neck. How could she have thought for a second that that he was responsible for the death of their son?
She reached out and touched his back, blinking back her tears when Zach got off the bed and backed away from the bed. “I - I was angry,” she whispered, moving to sit on the end of the bed. “I didn’t mean it, Zach, I didn’t.” Losing her battle with her tears, they spilled over and rolled down her cheeks. When Zach remained silent, she began to sob softly, pressing her hand to her mouth to muffle the sound. Zach watched as she closed her eyes. It was as if she couldn't watch him leave. As if she couldn't bear to hear the door close.
He turned away, unable to stomach his wife’s tears. After a few minutes, he broke the silence. “I always thought of him as my son.” Zach’s voice was quiet in the dimly lit room. Her eyes flew open. Standing up slowly, she made her way to her husband and touched his shoulder. This time he turned around, allowing her to see the tears in his own eyes. She closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around Zach’s waist, leaning her head on his chest. He stood stiffly in her arms. Closing his eyes briefly, he breathed in the familiar scent of vanilla in her hair and felt his body tighten in response. Suddenly uncomfortable, Zach reached behind his back and removed her hands from his body. This wasn’t the way to fix things. Needing to distance himself, he backed away from her and purposely ignored the stricken look on her face. He turned and walked to the bureau, his breathing ragged. This was what he wanted, wasn’t it? Her apologizing, saying the words he needed to hear? Zach braced himself on the bureau and dropped his head towards his chest. Why couldn’t he just accept it? Raising his head, Zach looked at the reflection of his wife in the mirror.
She met his gaze, registering the apprehension in his eyes, and tried to reassure him. “Zach, you’re Nicholas’ father in every way that matters. I never should’ve suggested otherwise-” she began but he cut her off. “Kendall, I couldn’t have loved Nick any more if he had been my own son. How could you think…” Zach looked away from her gaze as his voice faded, his throat constricting painfully. “I didn’t!” she exclaimed as she hurried to his side. She reached out and grabbed his arm, turning him around to face her. “I didn’t, Zach! I’m sorry!” she cried, the tears falling unheeded down her cheeks. “I know you love him as much as I do.” She reached up with both hands and cupped his face. “Zach, you have to forgive me. Please! I didn’t mean to hurt you! I love you!” Zach searched her eyes, wanting to believe her. “Kendall,” he whispered as he reached up and captured her hands in his, “I can’t just-” She leaned forward and placed her lips on his, effectively stopping Zach from continuing. “I love you, Zach.” she whispered hoarsely between quick kisses. “I love you so much.” It was the sound of her voice cracking that broke his resolve. She kissed his left cheek and was moving to his right when Zach turned his head and caught her lips with his.
He kissed her softly, muffling the sound of her cries. Slowly he slid his hands into her hair, threading his fingers into her soft curls. Zach held her head still as he gently parted her lips with his tongue and slid inside, the taste of her like heaven. He ended the kiss, his lips moving over her cheeks and kissing away her tears. Removing his hands from her hair, he slid them down her body and wrapped his arms around her waist. Zach pulled her close. “I love you, too.” he whispered as he closed his eyes and buried his face in her neck. They remained that way for a while, their breathing synchronized slow and deep.
She sighed softly and pressed herself closer to her husband. Turning her head, she began to kiss his neck, working her way up to his ear. “Make love to me, Zach.” Her breath was warm in his ear, causing shivers to cascade down his body. Squeezing his eyes shut, Zach groaned softly. He really didn’t think this was a good idea. So much had happened, so much that they needed to talk about. As much as he wanted her, he didn’t want her to have any regrets afterwards. Zach shook his head. He couldn’t do this now. She felt him begin to pull away and watched as he took a step back and avoided her gaze. She closed the gap he had created, stepping into his personal space. “I want you, Zach.” she said quietly, her hands moving to the neckline of her blouse. “Here. Now.” Zach raised his eyes to hers, his wary, hers dark with desire. He watched as she began to unbutton her blouse, his eyes following the movements of her hands. The blouse fell open to reveal her soft skin encased in ivory silk. Zach had difficulty swallowing. He grasped the edge of the bureau behind him to stop himself from reaching for her.
Shrugging out of the blouse, she tossed it to the floor. “I need you, Zach. I need to be ‘us’ again.” She slid her hands up over her silk-covered breasts, lifting and gently squeezing them, her thumbs rubbing the taut nipples clearly outlined against the fabric. “Kendall…” Zach groaned as he felt himself harden almost painfully. She reached behind Zach’s back and grasped his hands, bringing them forward and placing them on her chest. “Touch me, Zach. She licked her lips and flushed as his eyes followed the path of her tongue. “I ache for you, Zach.” she whispered, watching the desire flare in his eyes. She reached behind her for the bra’s hook and eye closure and released it with a flick of her wrist. Zach couldn’t fight it any longer. He moved his hands to her shoulders and slowly drew the straps down her arms and peeled the scrap of silk off from her body. He gave in to his need to touch her. He reached out and slowly drew a line down her chest between her breasts with his finger, watching her nipples tighten in anticipation of his touch. She grasped his hand and kissed it before placing it on her breast and squeezing it gently. “I want you to make the ache go away, Zach.” she begged. “Only you can make it go away…” Her words were muffled against Zach’s lips when he crushed them to hers, the force of his kiss opening her mouth beneath his.
Her hands went to his shoulders, sliding inside his shirt and pushing it off of him. Zach shook the shirt loose, freeing his hands so that he could cup her face. “I love you.” he growled, his lips eating at hers. He began to move forward, effectively backing her up against the side of the bed. Reaching for his belt and unbuckling it, she left it hanging there in her haste to unzip his pants. She slid her hands into the waistband and pushed both his pants and his boxers down over his hips, grazing him with her hand. Zach’s breath hissed out between his teeth. “Christ, Kendall!” he groaned as he tried to hang on. Zach stepped out of his clothes and kicked them aside. She climbed onto the bed and turned to face him, sitting back on her heels to wait. Reaching down, Zach yanked her up onto her knees and fisted his hand in her hair, using it to pull her towards him. He rained soft kisses over every inch of her face before moving to her lips. He felt her fingers slide into his hair as she tried to deepen the kiss. Hearing her mutter to herself when she didn’t succeed, Zach laughed and shifted his attention to her neck. “Damn it, Zach. I want-” she began as her complaint was swallowed into his mouth, his tongue finally stroking hers. They dueled briefly for control and she lost. Feeling her shiver, he slowly sucked her tongue into his mouth, Zach groaned low in his throat when he felt her press her breasts against his hot skin.
When they came up for air, she attempted to yank Zach’s head down to her breasts. Zach resisted, pulling back to look in her eyes. “Tell me what you want, Kendall.” His hot eyes burned her skin as his gaze lowered to her breasts. If it was possible, her nipples seemed to harden even more as they waited for his touch. Leaning forward, he placed several kisses on her neck before making his way to her ear. Zach reached down and grasped one of the sensitive mounds, rubbing his thumb across its nipple. When she gasped, Zach bent his head and nuzzled her breast, his lips barely grazing the darkened tip. She rolled her head back and groaned. “Zach, don’t tease. You know what I want.” she said breathlessly. Zach licked the distended nipple slowly. “I want to hear you say it” he said as he blew on it gently. She met his gaze briefly before lowering her eyes and mumbling. Zach tilted his head. “Say it.” he ordered softly. She flushed, but met his gaze. “I want…I want you to suck on them.” The words weren’t even out of her mouth before he descended on her, his mouth capturing a nipple in its grasp. “A – ah!” she cried out as Zach sucked voraciously on her breast. Threading her fingers into his hair, she tightened her grasp as she felt him nip her breast with his teeth before moving onto its mate. Finally she couldn’t stand it anymore and she yanked his head up to hers and kissed him, seducing him with her tongue.
Ending the kiss, she began to travel southward, her lips caressing his heated skin. Zach closed his eyes and tilted his head back, his body taut with anticipation. He felt her lips as they kissed and nipped their way down his muscled chest, her tongue tasting his skin along the way. Opening his eyes, he watched as she continued on to his abdomen before moving over to his hip. His body twitched, knowing exactly where she was headed, although it didn’t prepare him for the sensations that raced through his body as he watched her draw him slowly into her warm, wet mouth. She swirled her tongue around the tip before taking him in deeper, feeling him lengthen and harden inside her mouth. She placed her hands on his hips to stabilize herself as she slowly slid him in and out of her mouth. “Mmm…” she moaned, the vibrations of her throat caressing his shaft. Pulling back, she met his gaze. “I want all of you, Zach.” she told him as she licked her lips slowly. “All of you.” she repeated as she parted her lips and took him back inside. “Kendall…” he rasped, his hands reaching down to hold her head in place as she started to move faster, alternating between long slow slides and sucking on him as if he were her favorite piece of candy. Finally the sensations became too much for Zach to handle. Tightening his fingers in her hair, he growled her name as he came, his legs shaking with the force of his orgasm. His eyes were black and unfocused when they landed on her, his breathing ragged. Pulling her up to him, he kissed her long, slow and deep.
Ending the kiss, Zach placed his forehead against hers and tried to stop his rapidly beating heart. He felt her hands slide up his chest and her arms encircle his neck. Reaching up he removed her hands and brought them to his lips, kissing her palms before placing them by her sides. She looked at him in confusion. “Zach?” she asked. He pushed her back onto the bed until she lay flat on her back, her legs dangling over the side of the bed. His hands made quick work of her pants and the ivory thong underneath, adding them to the growing pile of clothes on the floor. She propped herself up on her forearms, her eyes locked on his. Zach gently nudged her legs apart so that he could stand between them, his hand sliding up her quivering thigh. “Please, Zach.” she begged. “Now. I need you inside me now.” she whimpered. “I can’t take it anymore.” Zach slowly lowered himself to his knees beside the bed and bent his head, inhaling the scent of her arousal. “Oh yes, you can.” he countered, his eyes boring into hers. “And you will.” He watched her shake her head. “I can’t, Zach.” she repeated, her hips moving up and down on their own. “Please…” she whispered as she closed her eyes, her head moving back and forth. He placed a hand on her hip, stilling her movements. “Let me take the edge off.” He parted her aching flesh with his fingers and bent his head to taste her, working his tongue slowly…up and down…back and forth. “Zach…” she moaned. He felt her fingers grasp chunks of his hair and try to keep his mouth on her. Without any warning, Zach began to flick his tongue faster and faster against her straining flesh. It wasn’t long before he heard her begin to pant and felt her body tense beneath his. Sliding his hands under her thighs, he lifted her against his mouth and thrust his tongue deep inside her, thrusting in and out until she screamed her release.
He moved up her body and kissed her deeply, allowing her to taste herself on his tongue. “You taste so good,” he whispered against her lips, “so sweet...” He reached down between them and slowly slid his hand between her thighs, his fingers making their way inside her. Lifting her hips against his hand, she tried to take him deeper. He slid his fingers out of her warm wet heat and brought them to his mouth. She closed her eyes and groaned, her hands sliding down his back to grasp his hips, pulling him tighter against her. “I need you, Zach. Make love to me,” she pleaded. Lowering his head, he kissed her softly. “Always,” he whispered. She opened her eyes and met his gaze, her hand reaching up to touch his face. Holding her gaze, he buried himself deep inside her. Zach moved slowly, each movement eliciting a moan from her throat. He quickened his thrusts when he felt her begin to tighten around him, knowing she was close. Screaming his name as she shattered, she held on to him tightly as her body convulsed around his. Zach felt the tremors and continued to thrust until he came hard, his body falling against hers as they rode out the waves of ecstasy.
************
Zach shifted, feeling comfortable for the first time in weeks. He kept his eyes closed, unwilling to let go of the dream still floating through his subconscious. It was the first time he had slept without dreaming of Nick’s death. Feeling something brush his chin, Zach reached up to swat it away. He opened his eyes slowly, letting them adjust to the early morning light. The first thing he noticed was that he wasn’t in his own room. He remembered coming to check on Kendall and somehow he must have fallen asleep. He rolled over onto his side and checked the alarm clock on the nightstand for the time. Seven A.M. Cursing under his breath, he realized he was going to be late for his eight o’clock appointment. Throwing off the covers, Zach got out of bed and realized for the first time that he was naked. What the hell… Turning his head back towards the bed, his gaze landed on his sleeping wife. Zach blinked twice and frowned. Kendall was facing him, sound asleep, the throw covering only a small section of her naked body. Zach backed away from bed, his mind racing, trying to remember what happened last night. His eyes strayed to the floor, noticing the scattered piles of clothing. Suddenly his dream came back in full force. It had been real. He glanced back over at his wife who was sleeping peacefully. He knew it. All she had needed was time to grieve. Zach realized that they still had a lot to work through, but at least now they were going to do it together.
Restraining himself from getting back into bed with his wife, Zach hurriedly grabbed his clothing and began to get dressed. As much as he’d like to, he couldn’t afford to miss his meeting. He circled the bed and bent to kiss Kendall’s cheek. “I love you,” he whispered in her ear. He watched as she stirred, her eyes opening slowly. She smiled softly as she saw him next to her. “I love you, too.” Zach reached out to touch her cheek, his fingers moving a stray curl behind her ear. “Go back to sleep. I’ll call you later after my meeting.” She nodded and closed her eyes. “Can you check on Nicholas before you leave?” she murmured. Reaching out and grabbing Zach’s pillow, she pulled it to her chest and went back to sleep.
Zach reeled back as if he’d been slapped. Nicholas? he asked himself.
Oh God. What had he done?...What had they done?
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Edited by: jekyll and hyde 6 at: 8/5/06 5:22 pm
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jekyll and hyde 6
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(7/24/06 9:56 pm)
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Re: Where Your Road Leads (Sequel to It Had To Be You)
Chapter 11
Present – September 2006
Zach stumbled out of the bedroom, his shirt and shoes clutched in his hand, and closed the door behind him. Hurrying down the hall and into his room, he threw his clothes on the floor and sank down on the bed. Feeling his world begin to spin, he leaned forward and put his head in his hands. Oh God. How could he have… He took several slow, deep breaths and felt the nausea recede only to be replaced by the smell of sex. Inappropriate sex. Delusional sex. His head began to throb. Pushing himself up off the bed, Zach made his way to the adjoining bathroom. He stripped off his clothes and turned on the shower, adjusting the temperature before climbing inside and closing the glass door behind him. Bracing his arms on the wall in front of him, Zach closed his eyes and lifted his face into the spray of the water, feeling its icy coolness on his clammy skin. After a few minutes he adjusted the temperature of the water, this time making it as hot as he could stand it, and turned around, letting it beat down fiercely onto his back. When he felt his tense muscles begin to loosen, he stepped back towards the spray and bent his head, letting the hot water hit the back of his neck. Groaning softly, he tilted his head back and let the water saturate his hair. What was he going to do?
************
Kendall moaned softly in her sleep as her hips shifted restlessly against the mattress, the fabric of the throw covering her breasts generating friction as she moved, causing her sensitive nipples to harden. “Mmm…Zach…” she murmured as she rolled over and buried her face in Zach’s pillow.
************
Kendall opened her eyes. The chest underneath her cheek was solid but barely moving. Although she was pressed close to her husband’s body, she felt like she couldn’t have been further away. Her arm may have been across his chest, holding him, but his arms weren’t around her. One was folded above his head, the other hanging off the side of the bed. She closed her eyes as the guilt came rushing back. This was her fault.
She shifted slightly and felt his body tense. Blinking back her tears at the apparent rejection, she moved away from him to lie on her back. Kendall took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. This was ridiculous. She loved him and he loved her. She could fix this. Kendall raised herself up and looked over at her husband. His eyes were closed, his jaw tense. She tried to remain unaffected, but knowing that he was pretending to be asleep to avoid her hurt. She moved slowly, trying not to disturb him and leaned over to place a soft kiss on his lips. Kendall pulled back and watched his eyes open in surprise, his gaze locking on hers. Without breaking eye contact, she leaned down and kissed him again, this time opening her mouth over his to trace the seam of his lips with her tongue. Kendall felt his lips part as he inhaled sharply and she immediately took advantage, moaning as she slid her tongue past his lips into the warm, wet heat of his mouth. She placed her hands on his chest and began to unbutton his shirt.
Kendall began to relax when she felt his hands work their way into her hair as he returned her kiss. It was working. She closed her eyes, each caress of his tongue seducing her and sending waves of warmth throughout her body. It was short-lived. He ended the kiss and Kendall felt him push her away. She felt him grasp her hands in his, effectively stopping her from removing his shirt. Opening her eyes in confusion, Kendall looked at the man beneath her. His eyes were closed and his jaw was tense, his chest rising and falling with his ragged breathing. Kendall watched as he opened his dark eyes and searched her gaze. “Kendall,” he rasped, “what are you doing?” Kendall bent down and placed her cheek against his rough one and whispered “What do you think I’m doing?” in his ear. Kendall began to trace the shell of his ear with her tongue, knowing it drove him crazy. She felt him tense when she nipped his earlobe gently with her teeth. “I don’t think-” she heard him say and promptly cut him off, suddenly realizing that he was going to fight her on this. Damn her husband and his noble intentions. Didn’t he realize that she was trying to fix things? Kendall redoubled her efforts. “I’m trying to apologize,” she whispered as she placed her open mouth against his neck and tasted him with her tongue. She could feel the pulse in his neck beating rapidly as she made her way down his neck. Kendall closed her eyes and sighed. “Let me apologize, Zach. Let me make it better.” Kendall continued on her path, stopping for a detour along his collarbone before making her way down his hard, smooth chest.
When he refused to give in, Kendall sighed and straightened up, sitting back on her heels. Finally admitting to herself that she wasn’t going to be able to fix this with sex, Kendall desperately searched for the right words to reach her husband. He had to forgive her otherwise they would never get past this, and Kendall knew that it hurt too much to be apart. “Zach,” she whispered, “look at me.” Kendall reached out and grasped his chin, running her thumb gently over the dimple in its center. She watched his eyes open slowly, unprepared for the wariness in his gaze. It stung. Kendall took a shaky deep breath and began her apology. “I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting,” she said softly. She could feel her eyes filling with tears and tried to hold them back. “I never should’ve said what I did.” Kendall waited for him to say something, anything that would make this okay. She felt him grasp her hand on his chin and waited for him to kiss it or use it to pull her towards him. Instead, she watched as he lifted her hand off of his face and dropped it to the bed before turning away from her and rolling over onto his side.
Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. Kendall reached up and covered her mouth with her hand in an effort to stifle the sob that was rising in her chest. For the first time, Kendall realized just how much she had hurt her husband. Her thoughtless words came back to haunt her. Kendall tentatively reached out, her hand hovering above his back before she slowly lowered it and touched him. She blinked back her tears when he immediately got off the bed and backed away from her touch. Kendall didn’t know where to begin or if there was even an excuse for what she did. He had every reason to hate her right now. But she needed to try. “I - I was angry,” Kendall whispered as she moved to sit on the end of the bed. “I didn’t mean it, Zach, I didn’t.” Seeing the look on his face, the pain that she had inflicted, Kendall lost her battle with her tears and let them fall. The silence that filled the room was deafening and Kendall began to sob, trying to muffle the sound with her small hand. He was going to leave. She knew it. And it would be all her fault. Kendall closed her eyes against the hot tears, unable to watch him walk out that door and leave her behind.
Kendall refused to open her eyes, unwilling to confirm that he had gone. Minutes went by as she tried to convince herself that she could go after him and make him understand. “I always thought of him as my son.” Kendall’s eyes shot open to see her husband standing in the same place he was before, this time with his back to her. He hadn’t left! Standing up slowly, Kendall walked to her husband and touched his shoulder. She offered up a silent prayer of thanks when he didn’t shrug her hand off and instead turned around to look at her, tears clearly visible in his eyes. Kendall took the last step towards him and wrapped her arms tightly around his waist, laying her head on his chest. They were going to be okay. Kendall pressed herself closer to him and felt his body harden against hers. Suddenly his hands were on hers, unclasping them so that he could move away from her. What happened? Kendall felt the rejection clear down to her toes and it showed on her face. She watched as he walked to the bureau and held onto its edge, first lowering his head to his chest and then raising it, his eyes meeting hers in the mirror.
Kendall met his gaze and felt her feelings of guilt return when she saw the apprehension in his eyes. She did this to him. Kendall tried to reassure him. “Zach, you’re Nicholas’ father in every way that matters. I never should’ve suggested otherwise-” she began but he cut her off. “Kendall, I couldn’t have loved Nick any more if he had been my own son. How could you think…” Kendall watched him struggle with his words before he finally gave up and turned away from her. She felt the heat flood her face, mortified that she could’ve been so cruel. Oh God, she needed to fix this. “I didn’t!” Kendall exclaimed as she rushed to his side. She reached out and grabbed his arm, turning him around to face her. “I didn’t, Zach! I’m sorry!” Kendall cried, oblivious to the tears rolling down her cheeks. “I know you love him as much as I do.” She could see the pain radiating off of him in waves. Reaching up with both her hands, Kendall cupped his face, forcing him to look into her eyes as she spoke. “Zach, you have to forgive me. Please! I didn’t mean to hurt you! I love you!” Kendall’s voice was frantic, almost desperate. She watched as his eyes searched hers before he finally whispered her name. “Kendall…I can’t just-” Kendall heard the word “can’t” and realized she had to do something before she lost everything. Leaning forward, she covered his lips with hers so that he couldn’t finish his sentence. Kendall began to place a flurry of quick kisses on his lips. “I love you, Zach.” she whispered hoarsely between kisses. “I love you so much.” Kendall heard her voice crack and felt tears begin to fill her eyes. She kissed his left cheek and was moving to his right when she felt his lips take hers.
Kendall’s cries were muffled if not swallowed by his mouth. She felt his tongue slip past her lips, as his hands slid into her hair. Closing her eyes, Kendall gave into the sensations his kiss was creating. It was over much too soon. Kendall felt him end the kiss and begin to pull away. She was about to protest until she felt his lips on her cheeks, kissing away her tears. Kendall sighed as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close. “I love you, too.” she heard him whisper against her neck. Kendall felt his warm breath caress her skin and closed her eyes. This is where she always wanted to be. In his arms, They remained that way for a while, their breathing synchronized slow and deep.
He still loved her. Kendall sighed in relief and pressed herself tighter against him, but as close as she was to his body, she thought he still felt too far away. She didn’t feel connected to his heart. Kendall turned her head and began to place soft, wet kisses on his neck on her way to his ear. Needing to be as close to him as she could be, she whispered her request in his ear. “Make love to me, Zach.” Kendall heard him groan, the low, sexy sound making her close her eyes and moan. She needed him to touch her, to feel him deep inside her, completing her. She leaned back to look in his eyes and saw him shake his head. What did he mean ‘No’? Kendall watched as he stepped back and wouldn’t look her in the eye. Refusing to let him push her away again, Kendall closed the gap between them, her body brushing against his. “I want you, Zach.” she said quietly. “Here. Now.” Kendall began to unbutton her blouse slowly, watching with satisfaction as his eyes followed each and every movement of her hands. She could feel the heat in his gaze as it burned her skin through the fabric. When he grasped the edge of the bureau behind him to stop himself from reaching for her, Kendall took off her blouse and tossed it to the floor.
“I need you, Zach. I need to be ‘us’ again.” Kendall slid her hands up her body, lifting and gently squeezing her breasts, her thumbs rubbing the taut nipples clearly outlined against the fabric of the bra. “Kendall…” he groaned. Reaching behind his back and grasping his hands, Kendall brought them forward and placing them on her chest. “Touch me, Zach. She licked her suddenly dry lips and flushed as his eyes followed the path of her tongue. “I ache for you, Zach.” Kendall admitted softly, watching as the desire flared in his eyes. She reached behind her to unhook her bra, releasing it with a practiced flick of her wrist and waited for his reaction. He held her gaze as his fingers slid under the delicate straps on her shoulders and slowly drew the straps down her arms. Kendall felt the cool air on her overheated skin when he peeled the scrap of silk off from her body. She shivered anew as he reached out and slowly drew a line down her chest between her throbbing breasts with his finger. Kendall sucked in her breath as her nipples tightened in anticipation of his touch. Grasping his hand, she brought it to her lips and kissed it, her tongue flicking quickly over his knuckles before she placed it on her breast and squeezed gently. “I want you to make the ache go away, Zach.” she begged. “Only you can make it go away…” Kendall’s words were muffled against his lips when he crushed them to hers, the force of his kiss opening her mouth beneath his.
It was as if a switch had been flicked on, his hungry kiss unleashing a passion that she couldn’t contain or control. She wanted him and she wanted him now. Moving her hands to his broad shoulders, she thrust them inside his shirt and pushed it off his shoulders, dragging it down his arms. Kendall waited impatiently as he shook the shirt loose, freeing his hands so that he could cup her face. “I love you.” he growled, his lips eating at hers. She felt him move forward, pushing against her until she was backed up against the bed. Kendall reached blindly for his belt and unbuckled it, leaving it hanging there in her haste to unzip his pants. Sliding her hands into the waistband, she pushed both his pants and his boxers down over his hips, purposely grazing him with her hand. Her eyes glowed with passion when she heard the hiss of his breath. “Christ, Kendall!” she heard him groan as he stepped out of his clothes and kicked them aside. Climbing onto the bed, Kendall sat back on her heels to wait. It wasn’t long before she was yanked her up onto her knees and pulled towards him, his hands buried in her hair. She closed her eyes as he rained soft kisses over every inch of her face before moving to her lips. It wasn’t enough. She wanted more. She needed more. Kendall plunged her fingers into his hair and tried to hold him and deepen the kiss. She cursed softly, muttering to herself when he managed to avoid her lips and move to her neck. “Damn it, Zach. I want-” she began as her complaint was swallowed into his mouth, his tongue finally stroking hers. Kendall tried to control the pace of the kiss but lost when she was distracted by the touch of his hands. She shivered; her body tingling as he slowly sucked her tongue into his mouth. Craving his warmth, Kendall pressed herself against his hot skin and was rewarded with a low groan.
When they finally came up for air, Kendall tried to yank his head down to her aching breasts. Instead of following her directions, she felt him pull back. Ready to scream in frustration, Kendall met his gaze, shivering at the look of desire in his eyes. “Tell me what you want, Kendall.” Kendall swallowed with difficulty as his hot eyes burned her skin as his gaze lowered to her breasts. If it was possible, she felt her nipples harden even more as they waited for his touch. Unable to speak, Kendall’s breathing increased when he leaned forward to kiss her neck on his way to her ear. Without warning, she felt his large, capable hand surround her left breast and his thumb rubbed its nipple. Kendall gasped when he bent his head and nuzzled her breast, his lips hovering above its darkened tip. She rolled her head back and groaned softly. “Zach, don’t tease. You know what I want.” Kendall said breathlessly as he licked the distended nipple slowly. “I want to hear you say it” he said as he blew on it gently. Oh God, she was going to die if he didn’t put his mouth on her. She managed to meet his gaze for a minute before the intensity in his eyes made her look away and mumble under her breath. “Say it.” she heard him order softly. Kendall flushed with embarrassment but met his gaze. He was going to make her admit her desire, and she couldn’t deny how much he was turning her on. “I want…I want you to suck on them.” Kendall hadn’t even gotten all the words out before he pounced, his mouth capturing a swollen nipple in its grasp. “A – ah!” she cried out as he sucked hungrily on her breast. Threading her fingers into his hair, Kendall tightened her grasp as she felt him nip her breast with his teeth before moving onto its mate. It took her mere seconds to realize that he wasn’t assuaging the ache. He was increasing it. Unable to stand it anymore, Kendall yanked his head up to hers and pulled him into a deep, wet kiss.
Ending the kiss, Kendall began to work her way down his body, her lips caressing his heated skin. Looking up, she watched as he closed his eyes and tilted his head back, his body taut with anticipation. Smiling to herself, Kendall kissed and nipped her way down his muscled chest, her tongue darting out to taste his skin along the way. She looked up and caught his gaze, holding it as she slowly slid him into her warm, wet mouth. Swirling her tongue around the tip, she felt him lengthen and harden inside her mouth. Placing her hands on his hips to stabilize herself, Kendall took him deeper, slowly sliding him in and out of her mouth. “Mmm…” she moaned around him. Still she wanted more. She sucked him slowly before she released him totally from her warmth. Kendall needed to see him and make sure he understood what she desired. “I want all of you, Zach.” she told him as she licked her lips slowly. The message was unmistakable and Kendall felt him tremble beneath her hands. “All of you.” she repeated as she parted her lips and took him back inside. “Kendall…” His voice was hoarse to her ears. She felt him grasp her head tightly, his strong hands holding her in place as she started to move faster, her mouth working him thoroughly, trying to coax him to let go. Kendall felt his body tense and increased her pace until he growled her name as he came, his legs shaking with the force of his orgasm. Pulling back, she met his gaze, hers smoky and satisfied his black and unfocused. He pulled her up to him and kissed her, long, slow and deep.
Kendall slid her hands up his smooth chest and wrapped her arms around his neck. She watched in confusion as he removed her hands and brought them to his lips, kissing her palms before placing them by her sides. “Zach?” she asked. She allowed him to push her back onto the bed until she lay flat on her back, her legs dangling over the side of the bed. Kendall watched in fascination as his hands made quick work of her pants and the ivory thong underneath and added them to the growing pile of clothes on the floor. She propped herself up on her forearms, her eyes locked on his. Kendall felt him gently nudge her legs apart so that he could stand between them and inhaled sharply when his hand slid up her quivering thigh. “Please, Zach.” she begged. “Now. I need you inside me now.” she whimpered. “I can’t take it anymore.” Kendall watched as he lowered himself to his knees beside the bed and bent his head, inhaling the scent of her arousal. “Oh yes, you can.” he countered, his eyes boring into hers. “And you will.” She shook her head. “I can’t, Zach.” she repeated, her hips moving up and down on their own. “Please…” she whispered as she closed her eyes, her head moving back and forth. Kendall felt his hand settle on her hip, stilling her movements. “Let me take the edge off.” She felt his fingers open her for his pleasure, moaning when she felt his breath on her aroused flesh. Kendall lifted her hips, silently begging for the touch of his mouth. She sucked in her breath when he placed his mouth against her and worked his tongue slowly…up and down…back and forth. “Zach…” she moaned, her fingers grasping chunks of his hair in an effort to keep his mouth on her.Oh God, it felt so good. Without any warning, she felt his rhythm change as he started to flick his tongue faster and faster against her straining flesh. It wasn’t long before Kendall began to pant, her body tensing beneath him. She felt him slide his hands under her thighs and lift her against his mouth. He thrust his tongue deep inside her, thrusting in and out until she screamed her release.
She pulled him up her body and returned his deep kiss, moaning when she tasted herself on his tongue. “You taste so good,” he whispered against her lips, “so sweet...” Kendall felt him reach down between them and slowly slide his hand between her thighs. She opened beneath his hand, encouraging his fingers to make their way inside her. Lifting her hips against his hand, Kendall tried to take him deeper. She felt an acute sense of loss as he slid his fingers out of her warm wet heat and brought them to his mouth. Kendall closed her eyes and groaned, her hands sliding down his back to grasp his hips, pulling him tighter against her. “I need you, Zach. Make love to me,” she pleaded. She felt him kiss her softly. “Always,” he whispered. Opening her eyes, Kendall met his gaze, her hand reaching up to touch his face. With his eyes on hers, he buried himself deep inside her. She felt him begin to move slowly, each thrust eliciting a moan from her throat. Kendall could feel her orgasm building steadily as he quickened his thrusts, her body tightening around him. She was so close. Angling her hips to take him deeper, she felt him all the way to her soul. Moments later Kendall screamed his name as she shattered, holding on to him tightly as her body convulsed around his. He continued to thrust until he came hard, his body falling against hers as they rode out the waves of ecstasy.
************
“Zach…” Kendall rolled over and reached out beside her for her husband. Finding only empty space, she opened her eyes. She shivered as the cool morning air hit her skin and she reached down to pull up the covers, her hands finding the cotton throw instead of the sheet and duvet she expected. Frowning, she sat up in bed and reached for the additional bedding, stopping when the throw fell to her waist revealing her nakedness. Reaching out for the throw, she clutched it against her breasts and looked down at the rumpled bed. Her eyes fell on the pillow next to her, an indentation clearly visible where someone had lain. Picking up the pillow, she brought it to her face. The scent of Zach’s cologne drifted up to her nose. Kendall closed her eyes against the sudden rush of tears that began to fill her eyes as memories of the previous night came flooding back. ‘I need you, Zach. Make love to me.’ Her words. The pleasant aches of her body confirmed that it hadn’t been a dream.
Oh, God, what had she done?...What had they done?
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Edited by: jekyll and hyde 6 at: 8/5/06 5:35 pm
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jekyll and hyde 6
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(7/24/06 10:00 pm)
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Re: Where Your Road Leads (Sequel to It Had To Be You)
Chapter 12
Later that same day
Slater Residence
Kendall got out of bed slowly and wrapped the throw around her slight frame. Walking slowly around the bed, she headed to the master bathroom and grabbed her robe hanging on the back of the bathroom door. Moving to stand in front of the vanity mirror, Kendall let the throw slip to the floor and let her eyes take an inventory of her body. When she noticed the slight pink tinge to her skin and the blue-black mark on her left breast, she flushed in embarrassment, remembering exactly how they had gotten there. Opening the robe, Kendall slipped it on quickly and tied the sash, trying to hide the evidence of her latest indiscretion.
Picking up the throw, she carried it to the hamper, opening it and stuffing it inside. There. It was gone. Kendall exited the bathroom, her eyes drawn to the rumpled bed. She headed straight for it, her shaking hands reaching out to strip the duvet and sheets from the mattress. The pillows followed, their cases yanked unceremoniously from them as she tossed them on the floor. Bunching the bedding in her hands, Kendall carried it all into the bathroom and crammed it into the hamper. When the lid wouldn't close, Kendall pounded on it with her hands until tears of frustration flooded her eyes. She gave it a shove, watching as it toppled to the floor. "God damn it!" she screamed, as her tears fell down her cheeks. Why couldn't she do anything right? Giving the hamper one good kick, she whimpered when her bare toes made contact with the wicker. Kendall sank to the floor and pulled her knees towards her chest, wrapping her arms around them. Bending her head, she laid her forehead against her knees and let the tears fall.
************
The Seasons East Casino
Zach read the same three lines of the proposal in front of him for the fourth time before finally tossing it aside. Missing his eight o'clock meeting had put him severely behind schedule, and his lack of concentration wasn't helping him weed through the growing stack of paperwork on his desk. Sighing loudly, he leaned back and rubbed his face. He couldn't focus on work. All he could think of was Kendall. Kendall in his arms. Kendall's lips on his. Kendall surrounding him as he slid into her warm, willing body...and Kendall asking him to check on their dead son.
God, this had to stop. Zach pushed his chair away from his desk and stood up, suddenly needing to move and do something to get his mind off of his actions during the past eight hours. He'd practically run from the house this morning to avoid having to see her, unable to look her in the eye. How could he have let things go so far? How could he have been so blind, so taken in?
Circling his desk, he headed towards the credenza. He quickly filled a glass with ice and poured himself a glass of scotch. Ignoring the voice in his head telling him that eleven in the morning was too early to drink, Zach took a long swig of the amber liquid and closed his eyes, sighing as he felt some of the tension in his body dissipate. Opening his eyes, he slowly made his way over to the black leather sofa. The light filtering through the windows behind it caused him to squint and he reached out to close the drapes, bathing the office in shadows. Sinking down onto the sofa, Zach leaned back and closed his eyes, his drink balanced precariously on his knee.
************
"Kendall, I am more than capable of watching Nick for an hour...Yes, I know he has to be fed..." Zach looked down at the gurgling baby cradled in his left arm and smiled as he lowered the phone away from his right ear to by his side. "Your mother worries too much, you know that?" he whispered to Nick. He moved the handset back up to his ear. "...Yes, Kendall, of course I'm listening to you." Smirking, he caught Nicholas' gaze and rolled his eyes. "Honey, I have done this without you before...Yes, I know. The schedule." Zach chuckled softly. Motherhood had definitely changed his wife. "...I'm not laughing at you...Kendall, we'll be just fine." Shaking his head, he pulled it away from his ear and counted to ten before bringing it back. "The sooner you hang up, the sooner you'll be home. You know that, right?" Unable to hold it in, Zach chuckled again. "Yes, dear. You're right. And I'm sorry." Looking down at his son, Zach felt a tug on his heart. "I will...I love you, too." He walked over to the counter and replaced the handset in its cradle. Bending his head, he kissed Nicholas' soft forehead. "That's from your Mama." Zach could swear he saw Nicholas smile. "Yeah, I like her kisses, too."
Shifting Nicholas in his arm, he moved about the kitchen and prepared his bottle, remembering to test the temperature of the formula on the inside of his wrist. Perfect. "Alright, son. Here we go." After grabbing a clean, soft towel and throwing it over his shoulder, he exited the kitchen and carried Nicholas into the living room. Sinking wearily into the sofa, Zach stretched out comfortably and put his feet up on the coffee table, angling Nicholas into the crook of his left arm. Rubbing the nipple of the bottle against Nicholas' lips, Zach chuckled softly when Nicholas began to suck earnestly. "So, I guess you were hungry, little fella." Looking away from Nicholas' angelic face, Zach closed his eyes and took a deep breath. During times like these, he almost forgot that this foray into parenthood hadn't really been a choice.
Zach had always firmly believed that self-destructive men shouldn't have children. Hell, if ever there was a compelling reason for him to forgo fatherhood, all he had to do was look at his own life. His own father and brother just reinforced his beliefs. He would never curse a child with that legacy. He still believed that, but here he was, a father to Kendall's baby. His love for her made it almost easy to forget those demons, yet he couldn't help but believe they were always going to be there. That was the curse of being a Cambias.
His eyes returned to the baby in his arms and traveled over Nicholas' little face in wonder. Although he was adamant about never fathering a child with Cambias blood, he was unprepared for the feelings this little boy had evoked in him. Zach had begun to care about him before he had even made his appearance in the world. It didn't matter to him that Nick was Ryan's son biologically. All Zach knew was that this little boy was a part of Kendall. And that was enough to make Zach forget his own father's sins.
Placing the now-empty bottle on the end table, he lifted Nicholas to his chest and placed him on his towel-covered shoulder. Zach rubbed Nicholas' back in a gentle circular motion, stopping occasionally to wipe Nicholas' mouth when he spit up as he burped. When he was finished, he lifted Nicholas and turned him so that he could cradle him in his right arm as he leaned against the arm of the sofa. Hearing a whimper, Zach looked down at the floor to find Winnie looking up at him expectantly, her tail wagging, her head tilted to the side. Zach sighed softly. "Ok, but only until Kendall comes home. You know how she feels about you being on the furniture." He tapped the cushion beside him and Winnie launched herself up on the sofa. Moving to Zach's side, she lay down and rested her head on his thigh, promptly closing her eyes as Zach scratched behind her ear.
Zach shifted his attention from the cocker spaniel to the baby in his arms, both of whom had their eyes closed and were going to sleep. Taking a quick glance at his watch, he smiled. Maybe they had the right idea. Closing his eyes for a few minutes wouldn't hurt. Leaning his head back against the sofa, Zach closed his eyes and let his mind wander. Soon his unguarded dreams were filled with visions of his family...
************
Slater Residence
Mid-morning
Kendall wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and took a deep breath, the urge to wash any evidence of last night away too strong to ignore. She stood up slowly, her legs stiff from sitting on the hard floor. Making her way towards the shower, she turned it on hot and full blast, watching as steam began to fill the small room. Kendall slipped off the robe and stepped into the shower. Sighing softly, she leaned back and let the heat of the water wash over her, desperately hoping it would wash away the memory of last night. After a few minutes she grabbed the body wash and squeezed a small amount out onto a washcloth. Kendall roughly dragged the washcloth back and forth over her body, unconsciously irritating her soft skin.
When she was done, she reached for the shampoo, muttering to herself when she realized the bottle was empty. Her eyes scanned the corner shelves and landed on a small decorative bottle that contained what she was looking for. Taking it off the shelf, she uncapped the bottle of shampoo and poured a small amount into her hand. Kendall rubbed her hands together and began to work the emulsion into her curls, the scent of vanilla teasing at her senses, bringing back vivid memories of Paris and the first night she and Zach had spent together. Closing her eyes, she could still feel the way his large but gentle hands had worked the shampoo and conditioner through her curls. She could still feel the way his long and nimble fingers had massaged her scalp in slow, circular motions with just enough pressure to bring her pleasure.
And she could still feel the way he had buried himself deeply inside her that first time.
A flash of sharp pain left her breathless; the once comforting scent of vanilla now a source of agony for her. Kendall closed her eyes against the onset of tears and worked furiously to scrub the scent from her hair. She couldn't breathe; the sound of her heart pounding in her ears was making her dizzy and she had to get away from that smell. Opening her eyes quickly, Kendall reached for the temperature dial and turned it to cold. Soon the freezing water poured down on her overheated skin, helping to alleviate the steam and dissipate the vanilla that was overwhelming her. Her tears fell freely and she bit her lower lip to hold back the sob threatening to escape. Her body was numb and shivering but she could gulp air into her lungs again by the time she reached over to turn off the water. Kendall slowly stepped out of the shower and reached for a towel, pressing it against her face before leaning forward and draping it over her head. She wrapped it around her hair, squeezing the towel around her curls and twisting it as she straightened up. Grabbing a second towel, Kendall quickly dried herself off before reaching for her robe and slipping it on. She had just made it back to the bedroom when she heard the doorbell.
Kendall slowly headed downstairs. Looking through the peephole, she saw Bianca standing on the front steps and opened the door. "Hey." Kendall mumbled before she turned and started walking, leaving Bianca no choice but to follow her. Balancing the tray she was carrying as well as several handle bags, Bianca stepped into the foyer and closed the door with her foot. Her concerned gaze followed Kendall as she watched her enter the living room. Trailing behind her sister, she watched as Kendall lowered herself onto the sofa, scooting as far back into the corner as she could before pulling her legs up to her chest, her hands pulling the fabric of the robe closed over her bare legs. Bianca placed the tray on the coffee table and lowered her other bags to the floor beside it. "Have you eaten breakfast, Kendall?" she asked as she took off her coat and tossed it over the back of the sofa. Kendall shook her head no, her eyes meeting Bianca's for an instant before dropping and focusing on her hands. "Good!" Bianca exclaimed. "I stopped at Myrtle's and picked up muffins. You look like you haven't been eating much lately." Kendall flushed uncomfortably and tightened her arms around her legs as Bianca continued to chatter. "I also brought some hot chocolate. I figured you could use a chocolate fix."
Bianca watched as the mention of chocolate caused a brief flicker of interest in her sister's unnaturally dull green eyes. Reaching out, she removed one of the hot chocolates from the tray and gave it to Kendall, her hand brushing Kendall's as she relinquished the cup. "Kendall, you're frozen!" Bianca exclaimed, watching how her sister's hands shook as they wrapped around the warm cup. She grabbed the throw off of the back of the sofa and draped it over Kendall's legs. "There. That should warm you up," Bianca said as sat down on the sofa and reached for the small brown bag on the coffee table. Pulling out several napkins and a still warm blueberry muffin, she handed them to Kendall. "I hope you're hungry. I promised Myrtle that I'd make sure you ate yours while it was still warm."
Kendall looked down at the muffin in one hand and then at the hot chocolate in the other. How could she eat? Just the thought of it made her nauseous. Avoiding Bianca's gaze, she placed the muffin on the table beside her and uncovered her hot chocolate. Closing her eyes as she took a deep drink, she sighed softly as the hot liquid burned its way down her throat and into her stomach. After a few more sips, Kendall felt the chill that had settled in her bones finally beginning to disappear. Leaning her head back against the sofa, she hoped that Bianca would take the hint and realize she wasn't up to visiting.
"Are you okay, Kendall? Is there anything you need?" Bianca asked with concern. My son!, Kendall's mind screamed as she felt the familiar ache in her chest. Kendall opened her eyes and blinked away her tears. "I'm fine," she answered quickly. After a few beats she continued, her eyes suddenly narrowing in suspicion as she asked "Why?” Bianca shifted on the sofa and cleared her throat. "Well, I spoke to Zach this morning." She watched as Kendall's face paled. "Kendall, what's wrong?" Bianca asked as she watched her sister scramble off the sofa. Kendall went to place her drink on the coffee table, but only succeeded in knocking it over, the hot liquid running everywhere. "I'm sorry!" Kendall apologized as her hands shakily reached for the napkins. Bianca placed a hand over Kendall's to still her movements. "I've got this, Kendall. Why don't you go and get a damp dishcloth so we can make sure the table doesn’t get sticky?" Bianca's soothing voice seemed to calm Kendall down and she watched as Kendall headed towards the kitchen. Minutes later the spill was taken care of. Bianca had managed to save Myrtle's muffins from drowning in the hot chocolate and Kendall had returned to the sofa and curled back up in the corner, trying to avoid Bianca's all-too-observant eyes.
Kendall swallowed with difficulty. What if he... She grasped the lapels of her robe and pulled them together, trying to cover every inch of exposed skin. He wouldn't...would he? Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and tried to calm her racing heart. "Did he tell you anything?" Kendall asked in a small voice.
Bianca heard the nervousness in her sister's voice. "Kendall, did something happen between you and -?" Kendall cut Bianca off and repeated her question, this time her voice was stronger. "Answer the question, Binks. Did he tell you anything?" Kendall waited for Bianca's answer, her stomach churning in embarrassment as she watched her sister move to her side. "No, Zach didn't tell me anything," Bianca reassured her, placing her hand on Kendall's shoulder. "Why?" Bianca's felt uneasy as she watched an unreadable expression cross her sister's face. "Kendall, what's wrong? What happened?"
Kendall shook her head and stood up. "I - I'm a little tired. I'm going to lie down." She bent down and gave Bianca a quick hug, moving back when she felt he sister's arms begin to tighten. Kendall managed a quick "Thanks for breakfast" before she turned and hurried out of the living room, leaving Bianca behind.
Making her way up the stairs and into her bedroom, Kendall closed the door behind her and leaned against it, her eyes closing as she waited for the sound of the front door closing behind Bianca. She didn't have long to wait, and sighed softly. Bianca meant well, but Kendall wasn't in the mood for company. She just wanted to be left alone. Moving towards the bed, Kendall noticed the rocker by the window. She changed her direction and headed towards it, her hand trailing over the smooth wooden back as tears began to fill her eyes. What was it doing here? Kendall's eyes narrowed in confusion. It didn't matter now, she thought to herself. Wrapping her arms around her midsection, Kendall lowered herself into the rocking chair and began to rock...
************
"Rock-a-bye, Nicholas, on a tree top, when the wind blows, the cradle will rock..." Oh, God, what am I doing? she asked herself. Laughing softly, Kendall looked down at the baby in her arms. "You know, Nicholas, your mother should never sing. Your hearing will be ruined for life- just ask your father." Nicholas gurgled happily, evidently oblivious to his mother's lack of singing talent, his eyes on her face. "You say that now, kiddo, but trust me. Your mama can't sing to save her life."
Smiling, Kendall thought back to when Zach had caught her singing in the shower for the first time. He had teased her mercilessly; saying that although she had many talents, singing wasn't one of them. She had thrown a wet washcloth at him, prompting him to retaliate by stripping off his clothes and joining her in the shower... Kendall felt the heat flood her cheeks as she recalled how Zach had gotten even. She could still feel his arms around her as he held her close and sang softly in her ear, the same words he had whispered to her as they danced that night in Haiti...
Kendall lifted Nicholas and placed him on her shoulder, her hand rubbing his back. Placing a gentle kiss on his head, she closed her eyes and laid her cheek against his skin. She began to hum softly, rocking slowly until he had fallen asleep...
************
Kendall felt the sob escape and pressed her hand to her mouth. The ache in her chest intensified, the tears in her eyes finally spilling over onto her cheeks. She looked around the room, her eyes searching for anything that would connect her with her son, and found nothing. What kind of mother was she? she asked herself. A horri The guilt hit her like a ton of bricks. Kendall wiped her eyes and took a ragged breath. The nursery. She needed to be in the nursery to be with Nicholas' things. She got up from the chair and headed to the door, fumbling with the door knob in her haste to get it open. Kendall stepped out into the hallway but her eyes were drawn back into the bedroom and to the rocker by the window. Purposefully, she walked back inside. She grasped the back of the rocker and began to drag it behind her.
It belonged in the nursery.
************
Slater Residence
Evening
She sat in the dark for hours, oblivious to the uncomfortable hard wood stairs beneath her. Kendall's back was stiff, her hands clenched so tightly together that they were white. Her green eyes burned; the tears had finally run out and been replaced with white hot anger. She took a deep breath...and continued to wait.
************
Zach stood on the front steps and inserted his key in the lock. He stood still, his eyes checking the windows of the second floor looking for light. Slater, you're a coward. Taking a deep breath, he turned the key and opened the door slowly, sighing in relief when he stepped into the darkened foyer. She must have already gone to bed. He tossed his keys on the hall table, and was halfway to the stairs when he stopped short, seeing her sitting there in the dark.
"Kendall?" he asked softly.
"Welcome home."
** Avatar by the Amazing O! **
Beautiful banner below made for me by Kristine with a little help from TK ~
Edited by: jekyll and hyde 6 at: 8/5/06 5:29 pm
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jekyll and hyde 6
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Posts: 24
(7/24/06 10:02 pm)
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Re: Where Your Road Leads (Sequel to It Had To Be You)
Chapter 13
Later that night
Slater Residence
“Welcome home.” she said, her voice quiet in the dark. Kendall somehow managed to choke out the pleasantry, but she couldn't disguise her icy tone.
“I didn't think you'd be up.”What you really meant was that you hoped she wouldn't be up, his mind countered. Zach reached up to loosen his suddenly uncomfortable tie. When that didn't alleviate the choking sensation, he unbuttoned the top button of his shirt and slid a finger between the cotton and his skin, moving it slowly back and forth. “Why aren't you in bed?” he asked, his voice echoing in the silent hall. “It's late...you should be asleep.” His eyes tried to gauge her well- being in the dark. The concern in his voice was abrasive to Kendall's already raw nerves. “I was waiting for you.” Kendall's eyes met his, her gaze unreadable in the darkness.
Zach approached the stairs slowly. “I had a meeting that ran late,” he explained, the lie sounding false even to his own ears. In actuality, he had spent the majority of his day locked in his office, hidden away from his employees, his mind going over what he had allowed to happen the night before. Zach felt his stomach lurch as the guilt came rushing back. Clenching his fist, he sucked in his breath, suddenly reminded of the cuts on his palm. Opening his hand, he took a quick look. Refusing to page the on call doctor at the casino, Zach had removed the shards of glass himself and doused the cuts with some of his scotch. His mind flashed to the sight of blood on his skin after he’d crushed his glass of scotch in his hand. One minute his thoughts had been on the night before, thinking about what it used to be like making love to his wife. In the next minute he remembered Kendall’s reaction when he left her sleeping in their bed and became angry for giving in and losing control. Nothing had changed. Feeling guilty, he apologized. “I'm sorry I didn't call...” His voice trailed away as she looked away from him.
Kendall closed her eyes and took a deep breath. A meeting… sure… She made an effort to get up, stifling a groan when she realized her back and legs were stiff from sitting. Without thinking, Zach quickly moved towards her and offered his hand. “Are you okay?” he asked quietly, sighing in resignation when Kendall flinched and ignored his outstretched hand, choosing to stand up on her own and reach for the banister to steady herself. Once she was upright, her eyes searched his for some remorse, something, anything to indicate he knew he had made a mistake. She saw something flicker in his eyes but it was gone in an instant, leaving her to wonder if she had imagined it.
“You cold-blooded bastard.” She felt the tears she had thought were spent begin to burn behind her eyes again. Without thinking, Kendall slapped Zach's face, her open palm connecting painfully with his cheek. Well, it wasn’t as if you weren’t expecting it, Zach thought to himself as he rubbed his stinging cheek with his hand. It could’ve been a lot worse. “You’re upset,” he acknowledged calmly, shifting his gaze from his hand to her face.
Kendall wanted nothing more in that moment than to slap him again - anything to wipe that cool acceptance off of his face. “Upset? Does this look like upset to you?” she asked, her voice rising with each word. “I’m way beyond upset, Zach. How the hell did you think I wouldn’t be?” When he didn't respond she sighed, her anger giving way to disgust. “Oh, that's rich, Zach, just stand there and don't say anything. Pretend none of it happened!” Turning on her heel, she started up the stairs, muttering, “Wouldn't be the first time,” under her breath.
Wouldn't be the first time? “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” he asked in confusion as he watched her walk away. “Kendall?” he called after her. She didn't stop or slow down. “Damn it, Kendall, I'm talking to you!” Kendall turned around slowly and met his gaze, the fury clearly visible in her eyes. “How could you do it, Zach?” she asked. “Last night while I was...you...” She couldn't even say it; the thought of his actions caused her eyes to fill with tears. “Did you honestly think that I wouldn't hate you for it this morning?” She waited a beat before continuing. “Did you even think at all?” With that parting shot, Kendall turned and continued up the stairs.
It didn't take long for Zach to process Kendall's words. He knew exactly why she was upset and he didn't blame her - his own guilt had been eating at him all day. She was right. He did take advantage. He should've known better than to allow things to go so far. But as guilty as he felt, a voice in his head kept reminding him that he wasn't the one who started things - she was. And she wanted him just as much as he wanted her. His hand on the banister, he took the stairs two at a time to catch up and followed her into the bedroom.
“Kendall, that's not fair and you-” His voice died as he ducked to avoid the small glass bottle she threw at his head, hearing it shatter against the wall behind him.
“Fair? You want to talk about what's fair?” Kendall shook with the force of her anger. “What's fair never entered your mind. It never does, because it's all about you. What you think. What you want.” Her eyes scanned the room for something else to throw. “What about me, Zach?” she asked, as she pointed to her chest.
“What the hell are you talking about?” he asked, his voice tight. Zach saw her gaze land on the glass on her nightstand and managed to get to it first, placing his body directly in her path. “Kendall, grow up! Stop throwing things and tell me what the hell's going on!” he demanded, his confused gaze on her flushed face.
“You made a decision that affected me without my consent,” she accused, her chest heaving. “Who gave you that right?” She watched as his body stiffened and he shook his head. “You-” Zach began before Kendall cut him off, her hands flailing. “I had nothing to do with it!” she screamed. “You never asked me how I felt about it. You just decided to take over - just like you always do.” She turned away, trying to gain some control over her emotions.
Zach rubbed his tired face with his hand. He closed his eyes briefly, taking a deep breath and exhaling it slowly. It didn't help. “Kendall, I may have made a mistake, but you were there too,” he continued, ignoring the sharp pain that had taken up residence in his chest. “You can't deny that,” he said quietly, “regardless of how much you want to.”
Kendall spun around, her eyes angry as her palm connected with his cheek. “How dare you!” she breathed. “I had nothing - absolutely nothing to do with - with what you did.”
Zach grabbed her wrist and jerked it aside, finally having had enough. “You can't honestly believe that? Hmm...let's see...If I remember correctly, I believe this was you? ‘I want you, Zach...I need you, Zach...Touch me, Zach...I ache for you, Zach’,” he repeated in a breathy imitation of her voice. “Sure, honey, that was all me.” Zach watched with satisfaction as her face showed recognition, her green eyes widening, and her face draining of color. “Yeah, Kendall, it's all coming back now, isn't it?”
Kendall's anger was momentarily suspended as unbidden memories of last night came flooding back. This was what he thought she was upset about? she thought to herself. Kendall had to be honest. Yes, she was upset about that, but it paled in comparison to the fact that he had ripped out what was left of her heart with his bare hands - and he didn't even know it. She felt the tears coming as a picture of herself, needy and desperate, appeared before her eyes. No wonder he blamed her. She was nothing more than a... God, she couldn't even think the word.
Zach's eyes narrowed as he watched the emotions play across her face. He sucked in his breath at the look of revulsion that appeared in her eyes that was quickly replaced with the film of tears. He released her wrist and turned away, not wanting to burden her with his obviously unwelcome touch. “I didn't realize...” he said quietly, his anger spent and in its place an emptiness he didn't know was possible. “I thought last night...well, it doesn't matter anymore now does it?” Zach focused his gaze on the empty wall where a picture of them used to hang. God only knew where it was now. He raised his eyes to the ceiling, blinking back his tears. If only it was that easy to make the ache go away. Unable to find the words he was looking for, Zach slowly made his way to the door.
Kendall didn't want to think of the night she had spent in his arms. Her lapse of judgment had nothing to do with what he did. She wanted to know how he could make the conscious decision to hurt her like that. “So you're just going to leave?” she asked incredulously. “No apology, no explanation for what you did to me?” she demanded.
Zach turned back around, his face resigned. “What do you want me to say, Kendall?” he asked tiredly. “That I'm sorry for making love to you?” He shook his head. “Just because you're having regrets...” His voice faded away.
Kendall sucked in her breath sharply. He really had no idea why she was so upset. “You don't get it, do you, Zach? What you did, I mean.” She angrily wiped away the tear that had spilled onto her cheek. “It would've been less painful if you had just been honest and told me that he never meant anything to you.”
Zach looked at Kendall in confusion. Who never meant anything to him? He ran his hand through his hair. What was she talking about? “You couldn't wait to remove every trace of him from your life, could you?” she accused him, her voice breaking. “But who gave you the right to remove him from mine?” Kendall couldn't stifle the sob that escaped her lips. Her eyes full of tears, she hurried past him.
What the... It took a minute for Zach to process her words before he went after her. His eyes searched the hall, his gaze finding the nursery door partially open. Storming to the door, he raised his hand to shove it open, only to falter when he heard her crying. Consciously blocking out Kendall’s sobs, he pushed open the door and entered the dimly lit room. Her back to him, he walked towards her to stand behind her, almost reaching out to touch her shoulder only to let his hand fall, his fists clenching and unclenching at his side. “That’s what you think? That he didn’t mean anything to me?” he asked, his voice loud in the empty room. Zach watched her shoulders stiffen and her spine straighten at the sound of his voice, however she didn't turn around. “Damn you!” he bellowed at her back, “I loved him as if he were my own! Are you that blind?”
Wiping her tears away with the back of her hand, Kendall spun around, her eyes wide with disbelief. “You loved him as if he was your own? Well, we all saw how you ‘love’ Ethan, Zach.” Kendall ignored her husband's indrawn breath and continued, wanting to hurt him just as much as he had hurt her. “Be honest, Zach. You never wanted Ethan and you never wanted Nicholas. The only difference is that Ethan doesn’t want you either, so it was easy for you to pretend he doesn’t exist.” She waited for her words to sink in. “You didn’t have a choice with Nicholas. You were stuck with him because he came along with me. We were a package deal.” Kendall placed her shaking hands over her stomach, the feeling of emptiness within her returning in full force.
“Kendall, you don’t know a damn thing about my feelings about Ethan!” he thundered. “My son-” he began, only to have her cut him off. “Deserves a hell of a lot better than you,” she finished spitefully. Kendall watched as his eyes narrowed dangerously. “You thought that my son was your chance to fix your mistakes with Ethan, didn’t you? Didn’t you?” she screamed, her green eyes bright with unshed tears.
“How dare you compare my relationship with Ethan to my relationship with our son?” Zach argued, his eyes darkening in anger. “My love for Nick had nothing to do with my feelings for Ethan,” he argued. He clenched his jaw, trying to restrain himself from saying something he would end up regretting.
“You’re lying!” Kendall cried, the tears in her eyes spilling onto her cheeks. “That’s exactly what you thought. But as hard as you tried, you couldn’t get past the fact that Ryan was his father.”
And there it was. The elephant that always seemed to be in the room.
“That’s why this was so easy for you,” she taunted as she gestured to the empty room that surrounded them. “You were never really invested to begin with.” Kendall walked away, heading over to where Nicholas’ crib should’ve been. The only sign that it had been there were the four small indentations in the carpet. She crouched down to rub one of the indentations with her fingers, closing her eyes as she tried in vain to remember the way the room looked when it was full of Nicholas’ things. Unable to breathe when she couldn’t remember, she blamed Zach for taking it all away. Opening her eyes, she blinked the tears away and focused her pain-filled gaze on her husband. “Damn it, Zach! Who gave you the right to decide anything about my-” Kendall began hotly.
“Your son?” he finished for her. “You've always thought that, haven't you?” Zach could hear the pain in his voice, but he didn't care. “I heard you, you know,” he admitted, his face expressionless, “talking to Bianca. I believe your exact words were ‘It's not as if Nicholas was his-’. It's not as if what? As if Nicholas was my son?” As he remembered the pain those words had caused him, Zach felt what little control he had left snap and took a step towards her, his eyes angry.
“You’re not the only one grieving over the loss of a child. He was my son, too! Don’t you get that?” He continued to advance on her, reaching down and yanking her up off the floor. “I was the one who was there when that little boy came into the world and I was the one there when he left, not Ryan Lavery.” Zach could feel the rage building. “I was the one who fed him and changed him. I was the one who got up in the middle of the night with him. I was the one who read to him. I was the one who took care of him when you weren’t here. I was the one who loved him! No matter what you say, no matter what you do and no matter how hard you try to change that fact, I was that little boy's father. I am sick and tired of you throwing it in my face that Nicholas wasn't my biological son. He was my son in every way that mattered.”
Zach shook her in his anger, his face close to hers. Kendall's eyes widened in fear as she felt the heat of his breath on her face, suddenly realizing that the man in front of her bore little resemblance to the man she had married. Zach pulled her closer and lowered his voice to a growl. “I will not allow you to trivialize what I felt for that little boy. Do you hear me?” He released her without warning, causing her to stumble back against the wall. “You lost a child. I get that, I do. But you have no right to make this all about you and your grief.” Zach turned and walked to the other side of the room before turning back to look at her, “Damn it, Kendall, I loved him too!”
Kendall rubbed her shoulder gently. “You loved him so much that there’s no trace of him left in this room, Zach?” she asked sarcastically. Kendall’s gaze traveled the empty room. “There’s nothing left, Zach. No clothes, no furniture, no toys,” she whispered brokenly. “He may as well have been a dream because I can’t see him, Zach.” She couldn’t stop her tears from falling. “I can’t feel him, Zach,” she cried as she wrapped her arms around her middle. “You did this. You took him away from me and I will never, ever forgive you for that!”
Zach watched as Kendall rushed past him. He bolted after her, his hand reaching out to prevent her from closing the bedroom door. Zach felt the door give as she released it. Pushing it open slowly and walking into the room, Zach scanned its interior for Kendall. He could hear her crying, his eyes finding her as she made her way across the room, her shoulders shaking.
Kendall walked towards the table in the corner, her eyes on the empty crystal vase. Zach's gaze followed her across the room, narrowing as she stopped in front of the table. He watched almost helplessly as she reached out and lifted it in her hands, turning it as if she was examining the design etched into the crystal. Kendall blinked the tears from her eyes as memories from their wedding came rushing back. The vase was supposed to hold roses when one of them was sorry and couldn't find the right words to apologize. It was supposed to convey that they still loved each other. And right now it was empty-just as empty as her heart. Kendall closed her eyes, suddenly overwhelmed with the need to break the vase into a million tiny, little pieces.
Moving quickly, he came up behind her, seconds after she lifted the vase above her head. “Kendall, no!” Zach said urgently as he tried to pry the vase from her hands. If anything her fingers tightened around the crystal, her knuckles white. “Let it go,” he ordered, pushing her arms down so that his arms encircled her waist, his hands over hers on the vase. “Let. It. Go.” He repeated. Shaking her head, she struggled against him, the tears falling faster down her cheeks. “God damn it, Kendall!” he yelled as he wrenched the vase from her hands, ignoring her cry of outrage. Holding her with one strong arm, he leaned, placing the vase back on the table before returning his arm to her waist.
“I hate you for this!” she cried, her voice cracking as she tried to remove his arms. Zach tightened them instead, effectively imprisoning her in his grasp. “Why can’t you see that I was just trying to help you?” Zach said, the anger audible in his voice. Kendall quit struggling and turned her head to look at him. “Help me?” she repeated sarcastically. “How in God’s name is removing every trace of Nicholas from the nursery helping me, Zach?” her eyes searched his. “Why stop there? Why don’t you get rid of the few pictures I have left? Maybe you’d like to get rid of the birth certificate, too?” she needled. “Will that make me forget, Zach?”
Zach thrust her away from him and gestured around the room. “You tell me, Kendall. Isn’t that exactly what you’ve done to me?” He watched as Kendall sank down onto the edge of the bed, his eyes hard and cold. “Look around,” he instructed her. “There isn’t a single item of mine left in this room. You’ve managed to single-handedly destroy everything that reminds you of us and our life together,” he accused her.
“No, I haven’t,” she said, her eyes shimmering with tears. Kendall stood up from the bed slowly and walked past Zach. Reaching out, she grabbed the crystal vase off of the table and slammed it to the ground. It shattered upon impact. Turning, she met Zach’s eyes. “Now I have.”
Suddenly unable to breathe, Zach’s eyes shifted from hers to the broken glass on the rug and back again. She’d done it. He heard a loud roaring in his ears, his vision becoming blurred. She had just shattered the last symbol of their marriage. Zach watched helplessly as she turned away, her back stiff. Bending his knees, he reached down and picked up a piece of the broken crystal, not feeling the sharp edges cutting into his skin. Tossing it back onto the floor with the rest of the fragments, he stood up slowly.
Kendall’s eyes burned with unshed tears as she felt what was left of her heart shatter along with the crystal. Wrapping her arms about herself, she closed her eyes. When she spoke, her words were flat and even, devoid of any emotion. “I think you should go.” Zach backed away from her slowly, heading to the door. “I’ll get out of your way. I’ll just grab a few-” he began only to see Kendall shake her head. He watched as she turned around, her face pale, her eyes vacant. “It’s already done,” she whispered. “Your suitcases are downstairs.”
“Damn you,” Zach cursed quietly, the tears he had been fighting now filling his eyes. “Damn you for doing this to us. I would have done anything,” he said, his voice breaking, “anything for you, if only you had let me in.” He turned his back on her and left, his footsteps echoing on the hall stairs. A few seconds later, Kendall heard the front door open and slam shut. When she heard the car leave, she sank to the floor, sobs wracking her slight frame.
It was exactly what she deserved.
** Avatar by the Amazing O! **
Beautiful banner below made for me by Kristine with a little help from TK ~
Edited by: jekyll and hyde 6 at: 8/5/06 5:35 pm
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jekyll and hyde 6
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(7/24/06 10:05 pm)
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Re: Where Your Road Leads (Sequel to It Had To Be You)
Chapter 14
The Next Morning
Seasons East Casino
Zach watched the sun begin to rise through the window, his red-rimmed eyes squinting against the sudden brightness. Turning his head, he looked at the clock on the table by the bed. 6:18am. It wouldn’t be long now, he thought to himself. He shifted in the chair he had spent the night in and groaned, his stiff muscles protesting loudly. Coffee. He needed coffee. Reaching for the phone, he called downstairs and placed his order. As he hung up the handset, his eyes went to the picture frame on the small table next to him. Zach looked at the happy family pictured inside, his eyes lingering on the little baby boy in the woman’s arms. Reaching out, he traced the baby’s face slowly with his finger and felt the tears begin to burn behind his eyes. Why the hell did he have to die?
“Coffee’s here,” Edie announced as she stepped into her boss’ office. He was in early, she thought to herself. He hadn’t been in this early since… She stopped her train of thought before her imagination started to run away with her. Maybe he just had some work to do, she told herself. Setting down the carafe of coffee on the credenza, her anxious eyes traveled the room and noticed the open adjoined door. “Zach?” she called out, “are you in there?” Edie watched as Zach came out of the adjoining room, her indrawn breath the only sound audible in the quiet office. Her eyes took in the rumpled clothes she recognized from the day before; the suit was wrinkled, the shirt unbuttoned at the neck, the tie loosened and askew. But it was his face that caused her to pause. He looked tired and defeated; his eyes were red, his hair tousled as if he had run his fingers through it multiple times. “You look like hell,” she informed him softly.
Zach rubbed his face and sighed. “Thanks,” he rasped as he walked to the credenza. Reaching for a cup, he righted it and poured himself a cup of coffee. Setting the carafe back down, he lifted the cup to his nose and inhaled deeply, allowing the deep, rich fragrance of the coffee to drift over his senses. Needing the stimulant that the caffeine would bring, he drank the cup quickly and refilled it.
Edie watched in silence as Zach polished off two cups of coffee in quick succession, sure that the heat was scalding his throat. When he poured his third cup, she reached out and touched his arm. “Zach, what’s wrong?” she asked quietly. He ignored her, instead turning his head to look at the clock. 6:32am. They should be on their way, he assured himself silently. Edie’s gaze followed his to the clock. Confused, she looked back at Zach. “Zach, what is it? Is it Ken- ?”
Zach spun around towards her, his eyes flashing dangerously as he cut her off. “Don’t!” he warned her. “Don’t even say her name.” Oh, God, this wasn’t good, Edie thought to herself. “Zach, you need to take a shower and get some rest. Why don’t you go home?” Her voice faded away when she saw the expression that flitted across his face at the word home. Zach felt the muscles in his jaw working. “I am home.” Picking up the carafe and his cup, he carried it into the adjoining room and closed the door behind him, leaving Edie standing in the middle of his office stunned.
************
Slater Residence
Ding-dong.
Kendall groaned and rolled over, her arm reaching out to smack the alarm clock she didn’t remember setting. Sighing, she gathered her pillow close and tried to fall back asleep.
Ding-dong.
What the hell? She’d already turned off the alarm. As her mind began to clear, Kendall realized that it wasn’t the alarm clock. It was the doorbell. Ignore them. They’ll go away, she told herself. Refusing to open her eyes, she pulled the covers higher and tried to get comfortable.
Ding-dong.
The annoying chimes wouldn’t stop. Opening one eye, Kendall looked at the clock on the nightstand. 7:00am. “You have got to be kidding me,” she muttered to herself. Throwing back the covers, she got out of bed, slid her feet into her slippers and grabbed her robe. She hastily wrapped it around her and tied the sash on her way downstairs.
Ding-dong. Ding-dong. Ding-dong.
“Oh for God’s sake, I’m coming already!” Kendall yelled to the door. Catching a glance of herself in the hall mirror, she quickly smoothed her unruly curls. Her red and puffy eyes, however, couldn’t be helped. Taking a deep breath she opened the door. “What?” she asked, exasperated.
The dark-haired man on the doorstep took a step backwards as his eyes took in the angry woman in front of him, suddenly wondering if she was the reason they were being paid well above their regular fee. He looked down at his clipboard. “Kendall Hart?” he asked.
“Slater. Kendall Slater,” she corrected automatically. Slater. Kendall blinked away her tears, unable to stop her mind from wondering just how long she would be able to claim that name.
“Yeah, well it says ‘Hart’ on my work order, but whatever. You have a delivery,” he informed her, gesturing over his shoulder to the truck parked out front. Pulling out a pen from his pocket, he handed it to Kendall. “If you just sign here, we can get started.”
Kendall took the pen and let her eyes travel over the paperwork. When she saw who the delivery was from, she shook her head. “No,” she whispered as she pushed the clipboard away. “Absolutely not!”
“Ma’am?” the mover asked. He watched in confusion as she backed away and tried to close the door. Kendall shook her head. ‘Why can’t you see that I was just trying to help you?’ She could hear his voice, his anger. “I don’t want anything from him and you can tell him that!” she cried. The mover stuck his foot between the door and the jamb, preventing her from closing the door. “You don’t understand, Ma’am. I can’t,” he told her, his eyes pleading. “I have to make this delivery.”
Kendall opened the door slowly, her eyes narrowing. “Have to? What do you mean you have to?” she asked as she stepped out of the house and onto the stone steps. “It’s not as if you’ll lose your job if you don’t…” her voice faded as color flooded the man’s face. “Oh my God. That’s it, isn’t it?” She could feel her anger rising. “He threatened you!” she accused. Kendall’s eyes traveled over the man’s shirt, finding a patch with his name embroidered on it. “Joe, I won’t let that happen,” she promised him as she touched his arm.
Joe looked at the woman in front of him. “No offense, Ms. Hart-” he began only to change it when he saw the look in Kendall’s eyes, “Slater, I mean, but you’re…and Mr. Slater said-”
“Mr. Slater has no right to drag you into this,” she said heatedly. There he went, taking over again. ‘You just decided to take over - just like you always do.’
“You just take whatever’s in that truck back from where it came from. I’ll take care of-” Kendall stopped as another mover walked towards her carrying a box. “Where the hell do you think you’re going with that?” she asked as he came up beside her. The man looked at Joe. “2nd floor, right Joe?” he asked. Kendall’s eyes widened. “Like hell you are!” Reaching out, she grasped the sides of the box and yanked, pulling it out of the surprised man’s hands. She lowered it to the ground and stared at for a second. What the hell was Zach sending her that was so damn important? Her curiosity getting the best of her, she crouched down beside it and began to work at the tape sealing the cardboard with her fingernail.
“Ma’am, you need to sign first…” Joe’s voice faded away at the look Kendall gave him and reached into his pocket for his box cutter. “Ms. Slater, here, let me,” he said as he deftly slid the blade between the seams of the cardboard and cut the tape. Joe stepped back and waited for her to open the box.
Kendall opened the box and gasped. “Ms. Slater, are you okay?” Joe asked with concern. He watched as she folded the cardboard back with shaky hands and lifted out a small, folded square of fabric. Kendall shook it out gently to reveal a tiny sleeper. Bringing it to her face, Kendall closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Nicholas. She lifted her tear-filled eyes to Joe’s. ‘There’s nothing left, Zach. No clothes, no furniture, no toys.’ “And there’s…more?” she asked hopefully. Joe nodded and looked at his paperwork. “More boxes and some furniture,” he confirmed. “Do you want to accept delivery now?” He watched Kendall nod slowly and presented her with the clipboard and pen. “Just sign here,” he said softly, “we’ll take care of the rest.”
Kendall searched his eyes before picking up the pen and scrawling her name. “Thank you,” she whispered softly. Joe smiled and turned to the man standing next to him. “Ok, Mike, let’s get this show on the road.”
************
Kendall moved aside so that the men could begin to carry the boxes to the nursery. While they unloaded the truck, she continued digging through the open box, pulling out item after item and holding it to her face, the tears falling unheeded down her cheeks. She unfolded the small pastel-colored quilt. It had been a gift from Myrtle. “This is just a little somethin’ to keep the boy warm,” she had said. Kendall lightly traced the appliquéd designs, a plethora of letters, numbers, and pictures, with her finger, her breath catching as she traced the letter N. Nicholas, I miss you. Kendall refolded the quilt and placed it gently back in the box, her mind on her little boy.
“Ma’am?” Joe called, touching her shoulder, his eyes on the box sitting beside her. “Why don’t you let me carry that box upstairs for you?” Kendall nodded her thanks and accepted Joe’s hand to help her up. As he bent to pick up the box, Kendall reached down and quickly pulled out one of the sleepers and clutched it to her chest. Joe turned his head to look at her and saw her wipe the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand. “Joe, about before,” she began. He knew what she was going to say and shook his head. “It’s not necessary, ma’am.” “No,” Kendall whispered hoarsely, her green eyes swimming in tears. “I need to...” She couldn’t finish, the compassion in Joe’s eyes causing her throat to tighten. He smiled gently. “I know. It’s okay,” he said as he lifted the box into his arms.
Kendall held the door open for Joe and followed him inside. Taking a deep breath, she followed him up the stairs, her steps slow. She stopped in the hallway and watched as Joe entered the nursery, suddenly apprehensive. Reminding herself that the boxes needed to be unpacked, she approached the doorway and gasped. Instead of the pile of boxes she had expected to find, Kendall found a fully set up nursery. She felt the tears fill her eyes as she scanned the room from the hallway. Everything was exactly where it was before, from the furniture to the baby items on the shelves below the changing table. Even the rocking chair was exactly where it should be. Turning her shimmering eyes to Joe, she whispered "But how?," as she gestured to the room.
Joe placed the box he was carrying next to the rocker and walked over to Kendall. "Detailed instructions," he answered softly, patting the paper that was sticking out of his shirt pocket. Zach, she thought to herself as the tears began to fall freely down her cheeks. Joe walked to the changing table and grabbed a tissue. Gently removing the now wrinkled sleeper from her hand, he replaced it with the tissue. Watching as she dried her tears and blew her nose, he couldn't help but feel sorry for the young woman before him.
Kendall avoided Joe's eyes and took several deep breaths, refusing to embarrass herself further by giving in to the sobs that were threatening to escape. Focusing on the crib, she noticed that they had even dressed it. She walked towards it, her eyes on its interior and the blue blanket that was folded and laid inside. Bending slightly, Kendall reached in and picked up the blanket and held it against her cheek, the sweet baby smell overloading her senses. She sighed softly. How she had missed this.
Joe watched Kendall in silence. When he was sure that her tears had run their course, he walked over to the rocker and placed the sleeper on top of the open box. Reaching for his clipboard, Joe lifted the paperwork and folded it back to reveal a white envelope. He released the clip and removed it, turning it over and wondering for the second time why it wasn't addressed. "I was asked to give you this," he told her. Kendall turned away from the crib and walked back to Joe, the blanket clutched to her chest. Her confused eyes met his as she reached for the envelope. Shrugging his shoulders, Joe caught sight of Mike in the doorway. "Joe?" Mike called. "We need to get going." Joe nodded and turned back to Kendall. "Are you all set?" he asked. Kendall nodded. "Thank you...for everything," she whispered.
"You're welcome," Joe replied, his eyes following hers to the envelope in her hand. "Have a good day," he said hesitantly as he quickly followed Mike out.
************
Joe pulled out his cell phone and dialed the number on his work order. “Mr. Slater? This is Joe…Yes, sir. We just finished…Yes, she did…Only in the beginning, sir…Yes, sir, I gave it to her …Thank you, sir.” Joe ended the call and slid the phone back into his pocket, his mind on the woman he left standing in the nursery as he drove away.
************
Kendall looked down at the envelope in her hand and then at the box by the rocker. Deciding to unpack first, she placed the envelope on the top of the changing table and the blanket over her shoulder before heading over to the box. Working quickly, she emptied Nicholas' clothes and blankets from the box and placed them on the top of the chest against the wall. She took her time and unfolded and refolded each item, smoothing away any wrinkles, whether real or imagined, before placing them in the appropriate drawers of the chest. Once she was finished, Kendall turned and leaned back against the chest, her eyes scanning the fully furnished nursery. It was almost perfect, she thought to herself. Walking to the table by the crib, she adjusted the small lamp so the design faced forward. There. Perfect. She walked to the changing table and picked up the envelope, taking it with her to the rocking chair to open.
Kendall slowly lowered herself into the wooden frame and stared at the unassuming white envelope in her hand. Turning it over in her hand, she quickly realized that it wasn't a card. It weighed next to nothing. There wasn't any mark on the envelope, no name, no nothing. She slid a finger under the gap in the flap and gently ripped it open. Using her fingernail, she separated the sides of the envelope and removed the single sheet of paper inside. ‘You did this. You took him away from me and I will never, ever forgive you for that!’ Her words echoed in her head. Letting her hand fall to her lap, Kendall closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Maybe it was his apology, she thought to herself, not that it would be enough. Opening her eyes, Kendall she sat up a little straighter and lifted the paper up from her lap and gasped. Instead of the apology she was expecting, she found something entirely different.
Well, do you feel better?
Kendall dropped the piece of paper from her suddenly nerveless fingers. She couldn’t breathe; her heart was pounding in her chest, her vision blurring. Feeling the wetness on her cheeks, she realized her lack of vision was because of her tears. "You bastard," she whispered angrily. Kendall took several deep breaths and tried unsuccessfully to control her emotions, her mind racing. Of course she felt better, she thought to herself. Nicholas' things were where they belonged - with her. Taking another glance around the room, Kendall waited for the feelings to return, the feelings that proved she was still a mother, albeit an undeserving one. They never came. ‘You have no right to make this all about you and your grief.’ Her cheeks reddened as she recalled the anger and hurt in his accusation. She wasn't doing that...was she? “Nicholas,” she said softly. She wrapped her arms around her middle as the panic began to set in. “I still can’t feel him,” she whispered brokenly as the tears continued to fall.
All she could feel was a hollow ache.
************
Seasons East Casino
Zach closed his flip phone and returned it to his pocket. Reaching for his coffee cup, he downed the remaining lukewarm liquid.
It was done. He couldn’t help but wonder if it made a difference. Placing the cup back on the credenza, he refilled it and carried it to his desk. On his way, his eyes caught sight of his wedding picture. The smiles on their faces seemed to be mocking him with their happiness. Zach sighed softly. He didn’t even know who that couple was anymore. Removing it from the shelf, he opened one of the drawers below and tossed it inside, slamming it shut. He lowered himself into his leather chair and tried vainly to focus on the paperwork in front of him. The letters continued to shift before his eyes, the caffeine failing in its purpose to keep him awake and alert. Groaning, Zach closed his eyes and leaned back. Five minutes, he thought to himself as he shifted to get comfortable. He could rest for five minutes.
That was how Edie found him a few hours later. Sound asleep.
************
Slater Residence
Kendall closed the nursery door and headed back to her bedroom. Her steps were slow and heavy, her arms still wrapped around her middle. Nicholas was really gone. She couldn’t get him back, no matter how hard she tried. She had spent hours sitting in the nursery, clutching Nicholas’ blanket, trying to remember what he felt like in her arms. What kind of mother couldn’t feel a bond with her own child? Evidently someone who was never meant to be one. Kendall felt the tears return. No wonder Nick was taken away, she thought to herself. She was a failure as a mother.
Walking into the bedroom, her eyes were immediately drawn to the other side of the room and the broken pieces of crystal on the carpet. Her gaze went back and forth between the crystal and the bed, wanting nothing more than to crawl into bed, pull the covers over her head and never come out. Deciding on the crystal, Kendall wiped her eyes and headed to the bathroom to get a dustpan and brush. On her way back, she brought a small wastebasket with her. Crouching by the broken vase, Kendall picked up the larger pieces with her hands. Ignoring the sharp edges, she worked quickly and dropped them into the basket. Picking up the last large piece, she swallowed roughly when she saw the etching. Kendall and Zach. Her finger traced Zach’s name as her mind drifted back to their wedding on the yacht, specifically the ceremony.
In every marriage there are times where it is difficult to find the right words. It is easiest to hurt who we most love. It is easiest to be most hurt by who we most love. It might be difficult sometimes to find the words to say, "I am sorry" or "I forgive you"; "I need you" or "I am hurting". If this should happen, if you simply can not find these words, leave a rose at that spot which both of you have selected - for that rose then says what matters most of all and should overpower all other things and all other words. That rose says the words: "I still love you." The other should accept this rose for the words that cannot be found, and remember the love and hope that you both share today. Kendall and Zach, if there is anything you remember of this marriage ceremony, it is that it was love that brought you here today, it is only love which can make it a glorious union, and it is by love which your marriage shall endure."
She had been so sure of everything that day, had known exactly what her future held – a family with Zach and Nicholas. How could she have known that it wasn’t meant for her?
‘Look around. There isn’t a single item of mine left in this room. You’ve managed to single-handedly destroy everything that reminds you of us and our life together.’ Zach’s words haunted her. It was easier, she reminded herself. Easier to do that than to remember she was weak. Easier to convince him she didn’t want him around. Easier for him to let her go.
‘Kendall, I love who you were. I love who you are. And I love who you are going to be.’ They were pretty words, and Kendall had no doubt that he meant them back then. But that was before, she reminded herself. Before he found out that you’re a failure – both as a wife and as a mother. And she wasn’t going to subject him to that. Kendall looked down at the piece of crystal in her hand and let it fall to the carpet. Pressing her hand against her mouth, she tried in vain to muffle her sobs. She never should’ve tried. She should’ve just gone ahead with the divorce instead of buying into the fantasy that Zach had woven. Fantasies were for people like Bianca and Greenlee, not for people like Kendall Hart. For people like her, pain and loneliness was what was real.
God, Kendall, when will you ever learn?
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Edited by: jekyll and hyde 6 at: 8/5/06 5:36 pm
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jekyll and hyde 6
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(7/24/06 10:12 pm)
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Re: Where Your Road Leads (Sequel to It Had To Be You)
Chapter 15
Seasons East Casino – Two weeks later
Knock. Knock.
“Damn it, Edie, I told you I don’t want to see anyone!” Zach continued to stare at the glass of scotch in his hand, watching the light play off of the amber liquid. “Don’t blame her. I wasn’t taking ‘no’ for an answer.” The voice was unmistakable and Zach closed his eyes. Shit. “Fargate,” he groaned, sitting back and raising his eyes to the petite red-headed woman before him.
“Since when don’t you return phone calls? What happened to your manners?” she asked as she dropped her sweater on the seat of the chair in front of his desk. Feeling like a chastised little boy, Zach lowered the glass to his desk and stood up, walking around the desk to her side. Bending, he kissed her cheek. “I’m sorry,” he said as he forced a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Forgive me?” Myrtle’s observant gaze traveled over the young man in front of her. She didn’t like what she saw. “Not until you tell me what’s bothering you,” she replied as she allowed him to lead her to the leather sofa.
Shit. Shit. Shit. “Nothing’s bothering me,” Zach lied, hoping she wouldn’t push the issue. “The casino’s been busy, taking up a lot of my time lately.” He helped Myrtle sit down and took a seat next to her, angling his body to face hers. “Bull!” she replied as she lowered her pocketbook to the floor, watching as Zach avoided her eyes. Zach felt her gentle hand cover his. Feeling the tears burning behind his eyes, he stood up and walked to the credenza. “Can I make you a drink?” he asked, picking up a glass and reaching for the ice bucket.
Myrtle’s eyes narrowed. If this was how he was going to play it, she was going to need a stiff drink. “Please. Scotch will be fine, Darlin’,” she replied, the drawl in her voice becoming more apparent. Zach quickly made her drink and handed it to her, watching in amusement as she took a rather large mouthful. He walked back to his desk and retrieved his own glass before returning to the sofa and sitting back down beside her. “Well?” Myrtle asked as she lowered her glass onto her lap. “Darlin’, it can’t be that bad.” Zach turned his head to meet her gaze and raised his eyebrow. “No?” he asked. “I can assure you that it couldn’t possibly be any worse.” He took another drink of his scotch and rested the glass on his knee, his gaze on the far wall of the office. “Where should I start?” he asked quietly. “Nicholas is dead. My wife accused me of not – not loving him in the first place then she packed my things and asked me to leave.” He took another drink of his scotch and drained it, placing the empty glass on the floor by his feet. “That about covers it.” Zach lowered his voice. “She can’t see past her own grief and she doesn’t see that I lost a son, too.”
For once Myrtle was speechless. “Oh, sweetheart…” her voice faded away as she watched his façade crumble. Setting her glass on the windowsill behind her, she reached for both his hands and felt him grasp hers tightly in return. Raising his tear-filled eyes to hers, he looked into the face of the only other person who understood him, took a deep breath and asked for help. “How do I let her go?”
“You don’t,” she answered quickly. “Darlin’, you love her,” Myrtle reminded him as she patted his hand. “Look, sometimes -- sometimes Kendall needs to be told over and over again that she's loved. You know that.”
“Myrtle, I’ve told her – so many times that I’ve lost count. It doesn’t seem to matter anymore. She never wants to see me again” Zach closed his eyes as he remembered their fight.‘Look around. There isn’t a single item of mine left in this room. You’ve managed to single-handedly destroy everything that reminds you of us and our life together.’ He could still hear the sound of the crystal shattering in his ears. Zach released Myrtle’s hands and stood up, picking up his empty glass and walking to the credenza.
Myrtle watched as Zach refilled his glass. “Are you going to take Kendall at her word, or you going to fight for your marriage?” When he didn’t respond, she sighed. “You're going to just stand by and let her throw the best thing that has ever happened to her away?”
“I’m going to give her what she wants,” he said as he raised the glass to his lips. “She wants me gone, I’m gone.” Myrtle stood up from the sofa slowly and walked towards Zach, her hand reaching out to touch his arm. “Sweetheart, you don’t mean that. And you know that she’s the best thing that has ever happened to you.” When he remained silent, she sighed in frustration. “You two are so much alike. Stubborn to a fault. I'm going to put an end to all this nonsense.” She started to move away but Zach reached out to grasp her arm to stop her.
He shook his head, his dark eyes flat and empty. “Let it be, Fargate. It's done.” With each word he felt another piece of his heart break. Zach took a deep breath and let it out slowly in resignation. “I’m done.”
Slater Residence
‘Kendall Hart, I love you. You make me laugh, you make me cry, and God knows you make me crazy.’ he said softly. Kendall shifted, asleep, her arm reaching out to pull the pillow beside her to her chest as the warmth those words evoked passed over her. ‘I want to give you both the family that you deserve. And I can promise you that I will love your little boy as if he were my very own,’ he promised her. ‘I love you, Zach. So much,’ she whispered through her tears. Zach smiled and pulled her close, his mouth gently covering hers.
‘I will take you in my arms when you need to be held. I will listen when you need to talk. I will laugh with you in times of joy, and comfort you in times of sadness,’ he promised solemnly. ‘But you wouldn’t let me, would you, Kendall?’ he said sadly. ‘You deserve to be alone.’ Kendall began to toss and turn, murmuring in her sleep.
‘I love you and that little boy. And I promise that there will never be a day where either of you will doubt my love for you.” Kendall smiled through her tears at Zach’s words; his eyes were full of love, full of trust. She reached out to touch him but he avoided her hand, and she watched his face begin to change, the emotions in his eyes turning to contempt. ‘Zach?’ She watched as he backed away. ‘What kind of mother are you?’ he asked, sneering. ‘No one should ever have entrusted you with a child.’ Kendall began to cry. ‘But I loved him, I did!’ she said as she sank to the ground. Zach laughed. ‘Sure you did --so much so that you killed him. You’re not fit to be a mother.’
“No!” Kendall screamed as she sat up in bed, her chest heaving and her body covered in a sheen of sweat. Pulling her knees to her chest, she bent her head and let the tears fall, her shoulders shaking as she cried.
************
Fusion
“Sweetie, you don’t look so good,” Simone said softly as she looked at her friend. “Are you sure you should be back to work already?” Kendall avoided Simone’s eyes. “I’m fine. I need to work,” she said as she began to shift the papers on her desk. Opening a file, her tired green eyes skimmed over the numbers in front of her. Simone reached out and covered Kendall’s hand with hers. “I’m so sorry, honey,” she whispered, her voice filled with sympathy. “No mother deserves to lose a child.”
Except one that never deserved to be a mother in the first place, Kendall’s mind screamed. She felt the twinge of a fresh onset of tears and quickly tried to blink them away. Unaware of Kendall’s inner turmoil, Simone continued on. “I can’t even begin to imagine what it is has been like for you two since Nicholas died. Zach must be just as devastated-” she stopped talking when Kendall stiffened and removed her hand. “Kendall, what is it? Did I say something wrong?” Simone asked. Kendall shook her head and pushed her chair back from the desk. She stood up quickly and grabbed the file she was looking at from her desk. Whispering “Excuse me” she hurried towards the conference room. She managed to get inside and close the door behind her before she burst into tears.
Tossing the file on the table, Kendall pulled out a chair and sank down into it. She wiped the tears from her cheeks and took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down. Damn Simone! This was the reason she came to work in the first place. To escape the memories. Leaning forward, she crossed her arms on the table and lowered her head. Kendall closed her eyes for a moment, needing the darkness, only to see the look on Zach’s face when she asked him to leave, his voice ringing in her ears. ‘Damn you for doing this to us.’ Kendall opened her eyes and sat back, crossing her arms across her chest. Yes, Zach, I did do this. And that’s why it’s better this way. You deserve so much better. She couldn’t even be angry at the note he sent with Nicholas’ things anymore. It only reinforced what she already knew. She wasn’t a mother. Ignoring the ache in her chest, she stood up and tried to fix her appearance, drying her eyes and running her fingers through her curls.
She may not be a mother, but she was a businesswoman – and it was time she started acting like one. Kendall picked up the file and walked to the door. Taking one last deep breath, she opened it and headed back to her desk. “Simone?” she called. Her friend turned to look at her, worry and concern written all over her face. “I’m calling a meeting. We need to discuss our strategy for Summer 2007. Get everyone together for two o’clock this afternoon.” Kendall dropped the file and reached for the phone. “And tell them if they’re not here on time, they’re fired.”
Simone didn’t answer right away, for the woman in front of her was not the person she was talking to earlier. This wasn’t Kendall Slater. This was Kendall Hart, workaholic and all-around bitch. She stammered a reply and headed to her own desk, every so often looking back at her friend. It was as if the past year hadn’t happened, and that worried her. Simone waited until Kendall was on the phone before she picked up hers and reached for her rolodex. Flipping through it, she stopped at the letter S and dialed.
“Edie, it’s Simone. Is he there?” She kept watch over Kendall out of the corner of her eye. “It’s about Kendall.” Simone pulled the receiver away from her head and stared at it before returning it to her ear. “What do you mean he’s too busy? It’s about his wife, damn it!” she whispered harshly. Simone listened for a minute and then leaned back against her chair, deflated. “He said that? I’m sorry, I didn’t know…Thank you…” Her voice faded away and she hung up the phone. Turning slightly, she looked over at Kendall who was talking on the phone and going through paperwork simultaneously. Well, that explains ‘this’, she thought to herself. She caught Kendall’s eye and watched as Kendall quickly lowered her gaze. Oh, honey, she thought to herself, what have you done?
Bianca Montgomery Residence
“Myrtle, hi!” Bianca exclaimed as she opened her front door. “Come on in.” Bianca helped Myrtle inside and led her to the living room, seating her on the sofa. “”I’m glad you stopped by. Miranda has been asking for you…” her voice trailed away when she saw the expression on the older woman’s face.
Myrtle looked at the young woman before her that she thought of as a granddaughter and sighed. “Where is Miranda, dear?” she asked, her eyes scanning the room for the precocious little girl. “She’s in her room playing with Winnie. Myrtle, what’s wrong?” Bianca asked, sitting down on the sofa and reaching out for Myrtle’s hands. Myrtle raised her worried eyes to Bianca. “When did you last talk to your sister?” she asked. “Yesterday,” Bianca answered. “Miranda and I were going to stop by to visit her this afternoon. Why?” Bianca watched Myrtle avoid her eyes. “What happened?” Bianca prodded gently.
“Did she mention Zach at all, dear?” Myrtle asked, afraid that she already knew the answer. Bianca shook her head, her eyes narrowing. “No, she didn’t. Myrtle, what’s going on?” Myrtle took a deep breath. “Zach’s living at the casino,” she said softly.
Bianca released Myrtle’s hands and stood up. “But he promised…” she began only to stop and wonder. Did he really? Or is that just what you assumed? Myrtle reached out and touched Bianca’s leg. “It wasn’t his choice. It was your sister’s”. At the look of surprise on Bianca’s face, she tried to explain. “Oh, darlin’, it was awful,” Myrtle began slowly as she recounted her visit with the man she loved as a son. “I went to see him because I had been callin’ him and he wasn’t returnin’ any of my calls. It wasn’t like him.” She stopped and looked at Bianca, her brown eyes filled with concern. “Bianca, he looked so tired, so defeated…” Myrtle’s voice faded away as she remembered the look on Zach’s face.
“What did he say, Myrtle?” Bianca asked, sitting back down on the sofa, one leg folded underneath her. Myrtle sighed. “He said that Kendall accused him of not loving Nicholas and that she packed his things and asked him to leave.” Even as she repeated it, she could still feel the pain that Zach must have felt at Kendall’s words.
“And he just said ‘ok’ and left?” Bianca inquired. “He didn’t try to change her mind?” she asked, her voice rising. The minute she voiced the question, she closed her eyes and sighed. “No, he wouldn’t, would he?” she murmured as she answered her own question.
“He said he was going to give her what she wants -- him gone.” Myrtle’s troubled eyes met Bianca’s. “What are we going to do?”
************
Seasons East Casino
“Thanks,” Zach said as he watched Edie hang up the phone. Edie looked at him with concern mixed with disapproval. “Zach, you can’t avoid-” she stopped when Zach held up his hand. “Edie, don’t. Please. It’s already hard enough as it is,” he admitted as he rubbed his forehead. Edie watched as he walked back to his office, her observant eyes noticing the curve to his normally straight shoulders and the change in his pace. She couldn’t complain about the work because somehow he still managed to get it done, but it was as if he was just going through the motions. “I’ll order lunch,” she called to his retreating back. Zach turned and shook his head. “I’m not hungry.” Edie picked up the phone. “I don’t care,” she replied. “You’re going to eat it if I have to feed you myself.”
Zach looked at the woman before him. Edie had been with him since his first casino. Over the years she had become more than just an employee; she had become a friend. And now, with her looking at him with a determined expression on her face and fire in her eyes, he smiled for the first time in days. “Yes, ma’am,” he replied as he turned and entered his office and closed the door behind him.
Zach grabbed a bottle of water off the credenza on the way to his desk. Folding himself into the comfortable leather chair, he leaned back and opened the bottle, taking a long drink. His eyes drifted to the phone. Part of him regretted having putting Edie in the middle, but he knew that if he talked to Simone he’d get sucked back in. Zach sighed softly. He didn’t want to have to defend himself, explain to her or anyone else what went wrong with his marriage. The other part of him wanted to pick up the phone and call her back, wanting to make sure Kendall was okay. Of course she’s okay, he reminded himself. After all, this is what she wanted…wasn’t it? He placed the bottle on the desk and swiveled his chair, reaching out to open the drawer behind him. Retrieving the picture he had tossed in there days ago, he traced Kendall’s face with his finger. Closing his eyes, he remembered the softness of her skin, the sound of her laughter, the way her green eyes sparkled when she was happy. He could only hope that she’d be that way again.
“Lunch is here,” Edie announced as she entered the office carrying a tray. Zach cleared his throat and quickly replaced the picture in the drawer and closed it before swiveling back around to face her. “So what are you making me eat?” he asked with a slight smile as he watched her place the tray on his desk. Edie smiled. “Something totally unhealthy but delicious. I think you deserve that today,” she replied. “Eat. If you need me, I’ll be right outside.” She left the office and closed the door behind her.
His stomach growled, and for the first time he realized how hungry he actually was. Shaking his head, he lifted the lid that covered the plate and sucked in his breath. A burger and fries.
Her favorite.
************
Myrtle’s Boarding House
“Are you sure this is going to work?” Bianca asked the older woman beside her as they peered out the window. Myrtle shook her head. “No, darlin’, but I did my part. He’ll be here.” I just can’t guarantee that he’ll stay, she thought to herself. “What about you? Did you reach Kendall?”
Bianca nodded, remembering how difficult it had been to obtain a promise from her sister to stop by Myrtle’s after work. It seemed that Kendall had returned to Fusion with a vengeance. “I think it was the threat I made that made her cave,” Bianca replied with a frown. “She hasn’t been eating much of anything lately and it shows. I threatened to tell Erica, knowing full well that she doesn’t want Erica hovering over her right now.”
“Oh dear,” Myrtle replied as Bianca helped her over to her chair. “Well, dinner – if we make it that far – should help a little. Betsy’s cooking is a force to be reckoned with,” she said as she sat down. “You can’t resist it, you know,” she reminded Bianca with a smile. Bianca groaned as she sat on the sofa. “I remember. I went up a whole size when I stayed here,” she replied as she heard the doorbell ring. “Hopefully it will do the same for my sister.” She stood up and smoothed out her clothes. “Hopefully this is Kendall,” she said as she headed to the door.
“Ok, Binks, I’m here. Happy?” Kendall asked as she strode through the foyer towards Myrtle’s parlor. “Welcome, Kendall. I’m glad you could make it.” Myrtle’s voice stopped Kendall in her tracks and brought an embarrassed flush to her cheeks. “Myrtle, I’m sorry,” she said softly as she crossed over to the older woman and bent to kiss her cheek. “It’s just that Fusion is working on a new campaign and I really need to be there,” Kendall tried to sound convincing but Myrtle wasn’t buying it for a minute. “Darlin’, it’s just dinner. You need to eat.” She caught the look that Kendall shot at her sister and cleared her throat. “I’m sure everything will still be there when we’re finished,” Bianca added as she perched on the arm of the sofa.
Kendall sighed and tossed her clutch on the table and took a seat on the sofa. Kendall’s mind drifted back to Fusion. Simone had assured her that she had everything under control. They were even calling it a night early, a reward for the hard work everyone had been putting in over the past two weeks, which was exactly the reason she wanted to go back in. Looking at Myrtle and Bianca, she had a feeling it was going to be a long dinner.
“Would you like a drink, dear?” Myrtle asked as she looked at the uncomfortable woman before her. She gestured to the bottle of wine on the table next to the plate of crackers and cheese. Kendall nodded her head. She had a feeling she’d need the entire bottle before dinner was over. “Please,” she replied as she reached for a cracker and began to nibble on it. Myrtle poured Kendall a glass of wine and set the bottle back down. She reached for a piece of cheese as the doorbell rang. Bianca sprung to her feet. “I’ll get it.”
“Expecting company, Myrtle?” Kendall asked as she sipped her wine. “Not exactly, dear,” Myrtle replied as she said a quick prayer. “I left my cardigan somewhere today and the nice young man promised to drop it by.” She reached for her glass of scotch and took a large sip, bracing herself for the explosion that she was sure to come.
“Ok, Fargate, I brought you your sweater,” a male voice boomed from the foyer. Zach? Kendall sat up a little straighter, her hands shaking as she put her glass of wine on the table and raised her stricken eyes to Myrtle. “Why you insisted you needed it tonight is beyond me…” Zach’s voice faded away as he entered the parlor and his eyes alighted on Kendall.
** Avatar by the Amazing O! **
Beautiful banner below made for me by Kristine with a little help from TK ~
Edited by: jekyll and hyde 6 at: 8/5/06 5:37 pm
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jekyll and hyde 6
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(7/24/06 10:14 pm)
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Re: Where Your Road Leads (Sequel to It Had To Be You)
Chapter 16
Myrtle’s Boarding House
Myrtle stood up slowly and walked over to Zach. She placed her hand on his arm and felt the muscles tense beneath her fingers. “Darlin’, thank you for bringing me my cardigan. I don’t know how I left it behind.” She turned her back in invitation and Zach placed the sweater around her shoulders. Turning back, she caught Bianca’s eye. “Bianca, I think we should go and check on dinner.” She turned back to Zach just in time to see him open his mouth to make an excuse to leave. “Don’t,” she warned him, placing a finger in the center of his chest. “You’re staying.”
Sighing, Zach leaned forward and bent his head, placing his mouth next to her ear. “We’re going to discuss this later, old woman,” he growled softly before kissing her wrinkled cheek. Myrtle patted his chest. “Just try, darlin’. That’s all I’m askin’.” She turned and headed slowly towards the kitchen.
************
Kendall reached for her clutch only to have Bianca pick it up first. “Kendall, you’re not going anywhere.” “The hell I’m not. How could you do this to me?” she whispered, her green eyes flashing. Bianca stood her ground. “You two need to talk. And you’re staying for dinner,” she informed her sister. Kendall shook her head. “Absolutely not!” she replied. Bianca began to panic and decided to try guilt. “Kendall, Myrtle went through a lot of trouble to arrange this dinner,” she said quietly, hoping the guilt would be enough to convince her to stay. “I just bet she did,” Kendall muttered under her breath. She reached out again for her clutch only to have Bianca move it out of her reach. Out of options, Bianca repeated her earlier threat. “Dinner or Erica? Take your pick.”
Kendall turned slightly until she could see her husband out of the corner of her eye and weighed her options. An hour in the same room as Zach or days with Erica fussing over her… Sighing loudly, she dropped down onto the sofa and reached for her glass of wine. “Fine,” she agreed as she took a sip of her drink, “but I’m not promising anything.” Bianca smiled. “That’s all I ask.” She dropped the clutch on the table and followed Myrtle into the kitchen.
************
Zach began walking slowly to the other side of the room, every voice in his head screaming for him to just turn around and leave before it was too late. But she was there, he told himself. And he hadn’t seen her in fourteen days. So he continued walking.
************
Kendall gripped the stem of her wineglass so tightly that that her knuckles were white. He was here, she thought to herself. She could hear his footsteps. And smell his cologne. Damn it, Bianca, she thought to herself as she closed her eyes. This only works if he’s not around. Resisting the urge to run, she raised her glass to her lips and took another sip of wine.
************
Deciding against sitting next to Kendall on the sofa, Zach lowered himself in the chair across from her instead. His hungry gaze traveled over her, his eyes taking in each curve of her face, each inch of her body and the clothes that covered it, and he frowned. He catalogued the shadows under her eyes, the more pronounced angles in her face, the white knuckles wrapped around the stem of her wineglass. And the clothes…Yes, they were stylish, but they were…different. Trying to pinpoint exactly what had changed, Zach looked closer and noticed her chest rising and falling rapidly under his gaze. Open your eyes, Kendall, he thought to himself. As if she heard him, she opened her eyes and he sucked in his breath. Her beautiful green eyes were filled with pain.
Kendall opened her eyes and met her husband’s gaze. She couldn’t tell what he was thinking, but the intensity was unmistakable. Suddenly feeling naked and exposed, she quickly lowered her eyes and drank the remainder of her wine. Leaning forward, she placed her empty glass on the table in front of her and pushed herself back into the corner of the sofa. Where the hell was Bianca? she thought to herself. How long does it take to check on dinner? She traced the pattern of the fabric on the cushion beside her, her finger following the intricate whorls of the design. The uncomfortable silence continued for several minutes until she couldn’t take it anymore. She needed to get away. Kendall leaned forward to reach for her clutch but was stopped by the sound of his voice.
“How are you?” Zach hadn’t intended to speak but the words were out before he could stop them. Admit it, he thought to himself, you just wanted to hear her voice. He watched as she pulled her hand back, his eyes noticing how her hand shook before she hid it back inside the long sleeve of her jacket. Kendall swallowed with difficulty as the low gravelly voice drifted over her starved senses. How do you think I am? her mind screamed. “I’m fine,” she replied quickly, needing to get the words past her lips before she choked on the lie.
Her words were familiar and Zach’s mind flashed back to another time when she’d said the same thing. They had been on the beach in Haiti, talking, right after she had tried to push him away. ‘I’m…fine, Zach. There’s no need to bother yourself with me anymore.’ She was lying then and he knew that she was lying now. ‘You’re no more a bother than you are fine,’ he had replied. His eyes focused briefly on her face. Was that what she was doing now?
When he didn’t say anything, Kendall found herself filling the silence. “You?” she parroted politely. She bit her lip in annoyance. She really didn’t want to know, for she wasn’t sure what she wanted his answer to be. Zach waited a few seconds before answering, finally deciding that he could lie just as well as she could. “I’m good,” Zach replied as he reached for an empty glass on the table and Myrtle’s bottle of scotch. He poured himself a drink and leaned back, taking a sip then balancing the drink on the arm of the chair.
Kendall finally allowed herself to really look at him, her gaze traveling over his body, her eyes on his face. His eyes were…sad. That was the only word she could use and she felt a small measure of guilt as she wondered if she was the reason. He was also unshaven, his face sporting a day’s worth of stubble. He looked older, his hair a bit longer than usual and not as well-groomed. “You look tired,” she whispered.
“Since when do you care?” The words came out harsher than he intended and he cursed inwardly as she flinched. The brief satisfaction he felt at making her feel even a small bit of his pain dissipated as he watched her face pale and then flush with color. Bastard, she thought to herself as she came flying off the sofa. “I don’t,” she spat back as she reached down and grabbed her clutch off the table. This was a bad idea.
“Kendall, stop,” he called after her. She’d made it halfway across the parlor before he caught up to her and grabbed her arm. “Let go of me!” she demanded as he spun her around, tears shimmering in her emerald green eyes. Zach released her arm slowly and sighed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-” he began only to have Kendall interrupt, unconsciously rubbing her arm. “Yes, you did, Zach! Don’t kid yourself – or me.” She watched his jaw clench, knowing he hated when she tried to tell him what he thought or felt. Besides, you had every right to say it, she thought to herself as she blinked her tears away. How could she fault him for feeling that way when she did everything in her power to make him think it? “This was a mistake. I need to go.” She turned away and continued to the door. Zach watched her as she walked away, realizing almost immediately that he didn’t want her to go – and he said so. “Don’t.” It was a cross between a request and a command, and Kendall knew if she stayed, she’d break her resolve. No, she needed to go. She really needed to go before she ruined everything. She continued to the door. “Stay…Please.” Zach heard the hoarseness in his own voice and briefly closed his eyes. He just wanted – no needed -- to be near her, even if it was only for a few hours.
Oh God. The sound of his voice was killing her. He wasn’t supposed to still care. He was supposed to move on. She had made sure of that. Hadn’t she? Evidently not, because now he was going to make her hurt him all over again. Kendall closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she turned around to face her husband. She started to speak but Zach held up his hand. “Don’t stay for me,” he said. “Stay for Myrtle and Bianca.” He watched as Kendall processed his words, her eyes glancing over his shoulder to the door to the kitchen. He continued to push. “Misguided as they were, they were only trying to help,” Zach reminded her as he watched her eyes shift back to his. “They’ll understand soon enough that they can’t fix this.” He was able to catch a glimpse of the pain in their emerald depths before she blinked and it was gone. It was as if a wall had come down, effectively shutting him out. “Kendall, they’ve gone through a lot of trouble…” His voice faded away when she turned away.
A couple of hours? Kendall thought to herself. She’d never make it. To be that close and not…not… She blinked away the sudden tears. Stop it! she told herself. This is how it has to be. Kendall forced her thoughts back to Myrtle and Bianca. Maybe if she stayed they’d see that it was over between her and Zach and then they’d back off. Kendall felt an almost overpowering urge to laugh. Just who am I kidding? she asked herself. They wouldn’t give up until she and Zach were back in each other’s arms.
“Kendall?” Zach’s gruff voice was quiet in her ear, sending shivers down her spine. If she was smart, she’d leave before they came back in.
“At the most it will be a couple of hours and you’ll be free to leave,” he reminded her. Zach didn’t know whether he was giving her reasons to stay or permission to leave. All he knew was that he wanted her to stay.
Against her better judgment, Kendall turned around and nodded her head. “Fine,” she replied. “I’ll stay.” Avoiding his eyes, she walked around him and headed back to the sofa. She sank into it slowly and tossed her clutch on the table, her eyes on the clock on the wall.
Zach exhaled slowly, his heart pounding in his chest. He had been given a reprieve.
************
“Darlin, you sit there,” Myrtle instructed Zach, waving her hand towards the empty chair across from Kendall. She caught Bianca’s eye and inclined her head towards Zach as he involuntarily glanced over at his wife. Pulling out Myrtle’s chair, Zach waited for her to sit down and gently pushed the chair in behind her. He placed a hand on her shoulder and Myrtle quickly covered it with her own. “Thank you,” she whispered softly, her words conveying much more than her thanks for his chivalry. Zach sighed, knowing he could never deny this fiery redhead anything. He squeezed her shoulder gently and bent to kiss her cheek. “Only for you, Fargate,” he replied quietly in her ear. “Only for you.”
Zach moved around the table to the empty chair, his eyes straying to Kendall who was twisting and untwisting her cloth napkin in her hands. He pulled the chair out and took a seat, stretching his legs out beneath the table. His foot came into contact with Kendall’s, his ankle brushing hers before quickly moving away. He felt a jolt of electricity from just that little unexpected contact. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly as he heard Kendall’s indrawn breath.
Kendall’s eyes flew to his as she straightened up in her chair. Exhaling slowly, she reached for her glass of wine and took several sips, lowering her eyes as she tried to calm her racing heart. Unbidden, her thoughts shifted to another dinner, just weeks after their second wedding in Haiti. That dinner was much different…
Kendall sighed as she studied her husband through her lashes over the rim of her glass. Two hours of hell so far, and no end in sight. Absentmindedly, she rubbed her finger back and forth over the rim of the crystal glass. She understood the purpose of dinner with the managers of Zach’s other casinos, but that didn’t mean she had to like it. All she wanted was to be alone with her husband. It was driving her crazy and he knew it.
She took a sip of her wine and recalled Zach’s own brand of torture. He had introduced her to everyone, all the while running his fingers up and down the bare skin of her back exposed by her new red dress. Occasionally he’d slide his hand around to her front, caressing the slight curve of her stomach before pulling her close and kissing her temple. Every time Zach needed to talk to her, he had bent to whisper in her ear and if they were alone, he’d nip her earlobe with his teeth before raising his head. His eyes had twinkled each and every time he left her to take care of business, knowing she wanted nothing more than to drag him up to their suite. Kendall smiled to herself. He was going to pay for that. Zach’s eyes had been promising her things all evening. It was about time she promised something of her own.
Ignoring the woman beside her, Kendall focused her gaze on her husband who was busy talking business to the gentleman beside him. It was time to re-focus his attention --- onto his wife. Kendall extended her leg until her foot rested next to his. Slipping off her shoe, she rubbed her foot against his ankle, hiding her smile as he started. Zach quickly ended his conversation and turned his attention towards her. “Kendall?” he asked quietly. She raised an eyebrow as she lifted her foot, sliding it underneath the hem of his pants. Lifting her glass to her lips, she caressed his leg with the bridge of her foot and watched his eyes darken. “Yes, Zach?” she answered innocently. He felt his body relax when she removed her foot, only to tense up again when he felt her foot against him again, this time climbing steadily. Taking a deep breath he spoke slowly. “What are you doing?” Kendall smiled and slowly licked the remainder of wine from her lips, her emerald green eyes full of temptation. As her foot reached its destination, she heard him suck in his breath.
“Getting even.”
Kendall felt the heat rush to her face as she remembered what happened next. Raising her eyes, she studied the man across from her, praying that he didn’t recall the same thing. From the look on his face, she could tell that he had. She felt the blood drain from her face and she put her glass down quickly, so quickly that the remaining red wine in her glass spilled over onto the pristine white tablecloth. Kendall removed the napkin from her lap and stood up quickly, almost knocking the chair over in her haste to get up. “Oh my God - I’m so sorry - I didn’t mean – I’m so sorry, Myrtle.” She felt the tears begin to fill her eyes as she began to blot up the red liquid. “That’s alright, dear,” Myrtle responded gently. “No, it’s not!” she argued, continuing to blot at the red liquid with her napkin, her hand pounding on the table as she tried to clean up the mess she had made. Even though she was able to absorb the liquid, a huge red stain was left behind. She felt the tears slide down her cheeks. This was her life: a never-ending cycle of making a mess and trying to clean it up. And no matter how hard she tried, the mess never really went away.
Bianca appeared by Kendall’s side with a small bottle of club soda and reached out to cover her sister’s hand with hers, effectively stilling Kendall’s movements. “Kendall, it’s ok,” Bianca said softly. Bianca set the club soda down on the table and tried to pry the wine-soaked napkin from her sister’s hand only to have Kendall tighten her fingers and shake her head in response. Kendall turned her tear-stained face to Bianca, missing the concerned look that Zach and Myrtle exchanged. “It’s never going to be okay,” she whispered through her tears. Oh God, I’m going to be sick, she thought to herself. She suddenly released her grip and hurried out if the room.
Bianca watched helplessly as Zach took off after her sister. Sinking down into Kendall’s chair, she looked at Myrtle and sighed. “Maybe this wasn’t the best idea.”
************
Kendall hurried down the hall and into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind her. Tossing her clutch on the vanity, she braced her hands on either side of the sink and lowered her head, trying to breathe. After a few minutes the nausea began to fade, leaving a pounding headache behind.
“Kendall?” Zach called from outside the door, tapping the door lightly with his knuckles. “Are you okay?” When she didn’t answer, he tried the doorknob only to find it locked. “Kendall, open the door.” He ran his fingers through his hair.
“Go away, Zach,” she whispered. Please. Kendall raised her eyes to the mirror in front of her and covered her mouth with one shaky hand. She didn’t recognize the woman in the mirror anymore. The realization made her sway on her feet and she quickly moved and sat down on the closed lid of the toilet, the nausea making a rapid return. Groaning, Kendall bent over and put her head between her legs.
The tapping on the bathroom door was getting louder, turning into pounding the longer it continued. “Kendall, if you don’t answer me, I’m coming in,” Zach threatened, shaking his head as he realized how often he had been in this position lately. He softened his voice. “I just want to make sure you’re okay.”
Kendall wiped her eyes and stared at the door. Oh God, don’t be kind, Zach, she thought to herself. I don’t deserve it. “I’m fine,” she said, louder this time, closing her eyes in disgust as she heard her voice crack. Needing to pull herself together, she stood slowly and went back to the vanity, turning on the cold water and splashing it on her face. Grabbing a towel, she dried her skin. She ran her fingers through her curls and nodded at her reflection. It was time. “Zach?” she called softly as she picked up her clutch. “Can you get Bianca for me? I need my sister.”
Zach ignored the flash of pain her words inflicted, telling himself that he really shouldn’t have expected anything else. “Of course,” he replied. With one last look at the door, he turned and headed back to the dining room for Bianca. Kendall waited until the sound of his footsteps disappeared before unlocking and opening the door. She stuck her head out, making sure that the hallway was clear. Seeing no one, she exited the bathroom and closed the door behind her. She moved quickly and quietly down the opposite end of the hall until she reached Myrtle’s back door. Kendall turned the lock and opened the door slowly, praying that neither one would make a noise. When the door opened silently, she sighed in relief. She stepped out into the yard and closed the door behind her, breaking into a run as she headed towards her car.
************
“Kendall?” Bianca called softly. “Can I come in?” When she didn’t get a response, she turned the doorknob and stepped into the small room. “We were worried…” Her voice faded away as she realized the bathroom was empty and her eyes narrowed in suspicion. Bianca hurried back down the hall and into the living room, her eyes searching for Kendall’s clutch. It was gone.
************
Unable to wait, Zach headed back towards the bathroom but stopped when he saw Bianca standing in the living room. “Bianca?” Zach walked over to his sister-in-law. “How is she? Is she okay?” Bianca turned to face him and shook her head. “She’s gone.”
** Avatar by the Amazing O! **
Beautiful banner below made for me by Kristine with a little help from TK ~
Edited by: jekyll and hyde 6 at: 8/5/06 5:37 pm
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jekyll and hyde 6
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(7/29/06 11:52 am)
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Re: Where Your Road Leads (Sequel to It Had To Be You)
Chapter 17
She did it again, he thought to himself. She ran away. Zach closed his eyes briefly in pain as memories of one of Kendall’s earlier unexpected “flights” came to mind. Paris. It had been too late then, but this time she barely had a five minute lead. He could catch up. He met Bianca’s eyes as if for permission and she nodded. “Excuse me,” he murmured as he turned and headed for the door, kissing Myrtle on the cheek as he passed her in the hall.
************
Kendall pressed the button on the remote once again as she lifted the handle on the car door at the same time. “Damn it!” she cursed, her voice breaking as she began to fumble with her keys. She wiped her eyes with the back of one hand as she tried to shove the key into the door’s lock. She missed twice, scratching the black metallic paint instead. Her third attempt failed as well, the keys falling from her hand and onto the ground.
************
Zach exhaled slowly in relief when he saw that Kendall hadn’t left. From what he could see, she was busy trying to get into her car and not having much luck. He walked towards her quietly, approaching her from behind, and heard the sound of metal hitting the pavement at her feet. Bending quickly, Zach managed to pick up and pocket her keys before turning and leaning back against her car. “Where are you going in such a rush?” he asked, his eyes finding hers in the fading light.
Kendall fought the panic that was rising inside her. Taking a deep breath, she held out her hand. “Give me my keys,” she demanded, her chest rising and falling in agitation. Zach ignored her demand, his eyes on hers. “Answer the question,” he repeated. “Where are you going? We haven’t even had dinner yet.” And you promised to stay. When she remained silent, he sighed. “What are you so afraid of, Kendall?” he asked softly. Zach tilted his head and glanced pointedly at her outstretched hand before returning his gaze to her face. Kendall looked at her shaking hand and quickly withdrew it, hiding it behind her back. Damn him! “I – I’m not afraid of anything!” she retorted hotly. “I need to get back to work, Zach. I want my keys.”
Zach shook his head and straightened up. “You’re not going anywhere until we talk,” he said as he slipped his hands into his pockets, the fingers of his right hand closing tightly over her keys. He watched as she took a step backwards and shook her head. “I don’t want to talk. I – I’ve said everything I wanted to say,” Kendall said defiantly. Except that I love you and I miss you, her heart screamed.
“Maybe I haven’t.” He sighed as he realized he was about to do just what he promised himself he wouldn’t do – try again. Zach watched her face intently, looking for any sign that he wasn’t about to make a fool of himself and hoping that maybe, just maybe, she might be receptive this time. “Kendall, I…” he began, his voice low.
“Please don’t,” she whispered thickly, avoiding his gaze so he wouldn’t see the tears threatening in her eyes.
“Don’t what? Don’t tell you that I still love you?” He rubbed his jaw, his eyes looking upwards toward the darkening sky before lowering and focusing on her face. “I do, damn it, and I’m sorry if that’s not what you want to hear right now, but it’s the truth.” Zach’s words came out in a rush, and he felt his heart begin to beat again for the first time in two weeks. “And whatever it is, this “reason” you have for doing what you’re doing, isn’t going to change that.” He touched her face gently, his finger running down the soft curve of her cheek.
Kendall closed her eyes briefly, her body trembling beneath his caress. She shouldn’t allow this, she reminded her traitorous body, but for a moment she allowed herself to feel. She felt his breath on her face as he whispered, “I promised you, remember?” Kendall’s mind raced until she remembered their conversation aboard the yacht the morning after their wedding.
“Promise me something?” she whispered. Zach nodded, his eyes steady on hers as he answered “Anything.” She took a deep breath and continued softly, “Promise me you’ll never stop loving me?” she asked, her green eyes harboring a thin veil of insecurity in their depths. Zach closed his eyes briefly, placing his lips against her forehead before pulling back to look in her eyes. “I promise,” he whispered as he pulled her close, her cheek resting on his chest, listening to the strong and steady beat of his heart.
Kendall could still feel his arms around her, his heart beating beneath her cheek. She had felt so safe that night, safe and loved. She sighed softly. She could still feel the warmth of his lips as they pressed against her forehead…pressed against her cheek…
“Kendall, you don’t want this separation any more than I do. It was a mistake. Why can’t you just admit that?” Zach breath was warm in her ear. “We can get through this,” he murmured. “Together.” Together? Kendall’s green eyes flew open and she gasped, her hands pushing ineffectively at Zach’s chest when she realized she was in his arms. “No! No, we can’t,” she argued, shaking her head. “Let me go!”
Zach tightened his arms, his heart pounding as his senses overloaded on everything that was Kendall. “We’re no good apart, you know that,” he admitted quietly.
“I’m doing just fine,” she cried brokenly, finally managing to break free of his grasp. Turning away, Kendall took a few steps to put some distance between them and get her emotions under control.
“Sure you are. You’re so “fine” that you’re not taking care of yourself.” Zach reached out and grasped her arm, pulling her back, only to drop it as he felt her tense. “Did you think I didn’t notice?” He watched as she wrapped her arms around her middle, almost as if she was trying to hide herself from him. “Kendall, don’t try to hide yourself from me. I know your body just as well as you do, if not better.” He could see her skin flush a dull red. “I can see the changes, and it’s not just the clothes.” Zach reached out and touched her hair, his fingers tracing the soft layers that now framed her face.
Kendall flinched and jerked her head away from his hands, resisting an urge to touch her newly styled hair and yank it off of her face. Bianca had insisted, and now no one could tell that she had been given a “corrective” cut. Her sister had deemed her new hairstyle ‘beautiful’ but Kendall hated each and every strand of her newly coiffed hair.
“You haven’t been sleeping,” he accused her, his eyes on the bluish shadows beneath her eyes.
Kendall paled as she recalled the latest in her series of dreams. They had morphed into nightmares and she had woken up screaming and covered in sweat. So now, instead of sleeping, she did the only thing she knew she was good at. She worked. “I’m just tired. I’ve been busy with Fusion…”
“And you’ve lost weight,” Zach interrupted as he moved closer. “I wasn’t sure if that was true or if the clothes were just a size too big. I couldn’t really tell until just now.” Zach reached out and pinched the side of her jacket. Frowning, he pulled the fabric away from her body. “You’re not eating.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement.
Kendall twisted sharply, effectively removing his hand, and backed away from him slowly. “Of course I am! Don’t be ridiculous.” Her hands immediately went to her jacket, smoothing the fabric down over her hips. The light was fading quickly, and Kendall moved out of the path of the streetlight purposely so that Zach’s eyes wouldn’t be able to identify the emotions swirling in her eyes.
“Don’t lie to me,” he said quietly, the tone of his voice sending shivers of apprehension down her spine. “Kendall, I could feel it when I held you,” he countered, taking another step towards her and backing her up against the driver’s side passenger door. Zach watched as she turned her head to glance up and down the quiet street, probably hoping that someone, anyone, would walk by and interrupt their conversation. He placed an arm on either side of Kendall, ensuring that she couldn’t move. “Don’t bother. No one’s coming to save you.” He sighed. “Bones, Kendall. I felt bones.”
Her eyes flew to his in panic and she began to struggle, soon realizing that her strength was no match for his. She tired quickly, her lack of energy due to having nothing but coffee all day at Fusion and then only wine at Myrtle’s. “You’re wrong, Zach,” she defended quietly. “I – I eat.” Kendall avoided his gaze. “Sometimes I just don’t have time at work, you know how that is, so I grab something later,” she explained as she played with the hem of her jacket.
“What’s the last thing you ate?” Zach asked, his voice brisk and unyielding. He was vaguely aware that he sounded like a parent interrogating a disobedient child, but at the moment he didn’t much care.
Kendall could feel her face flush uncomfortably. “I had some crackers and cheese earlier,” she lied. “You were there.”
“You didn’t touch that tray and you know it!” He rubbed his forehead, grimacing at the beginning of a headache. “You don’t eat when you’re upset, and you’re clearly upset.” Zach could recall several times in the past year where he’d noticed her lack of appetite. He’d had to bring her food and cajole her into eating it.
“How the hell would you know?” She could feel the anger rising.
“It’s what you do, Kendall. I know you.”
It was the condescending tone of voice that made her see red. Since when was he an expert on her? “You don’t know anything about me!” she argued.
At that moment Zach wanted nothing more than to shake her until her teeth rattled. “I know plenty,” he said through clenched teeth. “You’re just wasting away. I can see that, even if you refuse to acknowledge it.” He let his eyes travel over the length of her body. “If I didn’t know better, I’d almost think you were trying to kill yourself.”
Kendall closed her eyes as she felt the guilt wash over her. It would have been so much easier for everyone if she had been the one to die and not Nicholas. Instead, an innocent child was made to pay for her sins. She raised a shaking hand to her lips.
“Damn it, Kendall, your hands are shaking for God’s sake!” he yelled in frustration. “Doesn’t that tell you anything? You’re not stupid.”
She gasped in outrage, her hands pushing ineffectually at his strong chest. “How dare you!” Kendall began to pummel his chest with her fists. “Who the hell do you think you are?” She lifted her hand and attempted to slap his face, only to have Zach catch her wrist and hold it between his fingers.
“Your husband.” Zach watched Kendall’s face blanch and his stomach plummeted to the ground. That was her reaction to him reaffirming their connection, their bond? he thought to himself. He felt her tug harder on her wrist and he let it go, watching as she lowered her head and held her hand to her chest. If he hadn’t inclined his head towards her, he would’ve missed her softly-spoken words.
“That was a mistake.”
Suddenly it was as if the ring that circled the finger on his left hand was now circling his neck, and tightening slowly – and he couldn’t breathe. Zach took a step back, his mind racing as he tried to process her words. A mistake? She thought that the best thing that had ever happened to him was a mistake? It took him several attempts before he could speak, his eyes seeking hers in the dark. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” His hands reached out to grab her, his fingers unconsciously tightening on her shoulders.
Kendall squeezed her eyes shut to prevent the tears from falling. The fact that it also prevented her from seeing his face when she spoke was an added bonus. “We never should’ve gotten married.” Her words seem to just hang in the air between them. When Zach didn’t respond, Kendall swallowed the lump that had suddenly formed in her throat. She could feel her heart breaking as she forced herself to continue. “I never should’ve let it continue.”
Zach could feel his heart begin to pound. “What do you mean? Let what continue’?” he asked, a sickening feeling growing in the pit of his stomach. When she didn’t answer, he reached out to grasp her chin, lifting her face until she met his gaze. “Answer me,” he demanded. “What shouldn’t you have let continue?”
She couldn’t see the expression in his eyes but she could see the muscles working in his jaw. Kendall took a deep breath, reminding herself that she owed it to him to be honest. Maybe this would be what he needed to hear in order to move on. “Us,” she mumbled, twisting her chin free from his grasp and looking away.
They stood there in silence for what seemed like forever before Zach spoke. “Us?” he repeated slowly as the roaring in his ears finally began to fade away.
Kendall nodded, her hands twisting in front of her. “We should’ve ended things after Paris.” Her eyes were drawn to the rings on her left hand. They were a symbol, visible proof that she was someone’s wife. She flexed her fingers, feeling the weight of the metal and large diamond, each ounce reminding her that she was nothing but a fraud. Kendall forced herself to look at her husband. “I never should’ve let you convince me otherwise.”
Zach couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Bullshit. Since when do you let me convince you of anything?” He moved closer. “You always do exactly what you want to do. Just admit it, Kendall. You wanted “us” just as much as I did. You still do.” He sighed when she shook her head. “Do I need to prove it to you?” he asked, his voice husky. He let his eyes travel down her body and back up again, stopping when he reached her lips.
Kendall’s eyes widened in apprehension, her body reacting involuntarily beneath his gaze and she tried unsuccessfully to move away. He was too close. The panic was kicking in full force and she closed her eyes. Leave it alone, Zach. Please.
“You’re my wife, Kendall,” Zach said quietly. “I love you and I know you love me.” The more she continued to fight him, the more he wanted to take her somewhere private and make love to her until she admitted it. “I’m not going to let you throw us away.”
“Stop! Please stop,” she whispered as the tears rolled down her cheeks.
“No” he said, “not until you listen to me.” He needed to make her see what she was doing. To herself. To them. “You're grieving. I get that, Kendall. I am, too.” Zach briefly closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose as he tried to ignore the guilt he felt at the pain in her voice. But he couldn’t stop. The words needed to be said. “When Nick died, a part of us died too."
Nicholas, Suddenly all Kendall could hear was the sound of a baby crying. “Don't. Oh God, please don't,” she whispered, “not now.” Her hands came up to cover her ears in a futile attempt to block out the sounds reverberating in her head. He was crying. He was always crying, she thought to herself. The guilt flooded her senses, squeezing the breath out of her chest. And she didn’t know how to make his crying stop. A good mother would know, the voice taunted. Kendall’s empty stomach churned, the nausea she had felt earlier returning with a vengeance.
Zach watched as Kendall’s face drained of color. “Kendall?” he reached up to grasp her hands and pulled them away from her ears. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Everything. She removed her hands from his grasp and took a few steps, stopping to lean against the car when the world started spinning.
Zach was beside her in a second. “Kendall! Talk to me...Please,” Zach begged, his eyes searching her face in the darkness. “I can help you,” he said as he reached out to touch her cheek. “Let me help you.”
“No!” Kendall shook her head emphatically, groaning as the pounding in her head intensified. “What is it with your white knight complex?” she asked in frustration. She straightened up and turned away from him, placing a hand on the car beside her to steady herself. “Stop trying to fix this, Zach. You can't.” No one can. The storm that had been threatening all day was about to arrive, she could feel it. The air was getting cooler, the wind was beginning to pick up and Kendall could smell the scent of rain on the air. Wrapping her arms around her middle, she tried to warm herself up. “It’s over,” she whispered softly.
Zach fought the initial stab of panic. She didn’t mean it. She couldn’t, he rationalized when she studiously avoided his gaze. And he could prove it. Bending his head, he took her mouth with his. He took advantage of her gasp of surprise, his tongue sliding past her lips and into the warm recesses of her mouth. His tongue stroked hers slowly before sucking it into his mouth, groaning when he finally felt the answering flicker of her tongue. After a long, slow wet kiss, Zach raised his head and waited for her to open her eyes. “Look me in the eye and tell me that ending us is really what you want,” he rasped hoarsely.
And there it was, Kendall thought to herself, the opening she had been looking for. One that left no room for interpretation, no second guesses. She could make it all go away with just a few little words. Kendall pushed him away and took a deep breath, her heart pounding painfully in her chest. She could do this. “It’s what I want,” she whispered, lifting her eyes to his.
He sucked in his breath. That wasn’t supposed to happen, his mind screamed. She was supposed to falter, admit she was making a mistake. How could he have been so wrong? He laughed shortly and roughly shoved his hands into his pockets. It was official. He was a fool. Zach could feel his anger building as he was forced to accept another truth – that he really didn’t know the woman before him at all. “Never let it be said that this ‘white knight’ doesn't know when to get up on his horse and ride away. Here,” he said as he held up her keys. When she reached out to grasp them, Zach purposely dropped them to the ground in the same spot he had picked them up. “Just pretend I was never here,” he instructed before turning and walking away, leaving her standing alone in the dark.
Moments later, Kendall heard the motor of Zach’s Jag pierce the silence of the quiet street, the squeal of its tires a testament as to how fast he couldn’t wait to get away from her. She slowly sank to the ground, her hands searching for her keys as the thunder rumbled overhead and it began to rain. Finding the keys, she closed her fingers around them and pulled her hand to her chest. Unable to stifle the sob that rose in her throat, Kendall sat down and gave in to her tears.
She’d done it. There was no point in feeling guilty. After all, it was the right thing to do.
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Edited by: jekyll and hyde 6 at: 8/5/06 5:38 pm
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jekyll and hyde 6
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(8/5/06 5:47 pm)
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Re: Where Your Road Leads (Sequel to It Had To Be You)
Chapter 18
The next morning
Slater Residence
Kendall dialed the number on the business card and then dropped the card on the nightstand, her fingers tapping the cherry wood as she waited for someone to answer the phone. “Marian? It’s Kendall…I’m fine. You?...Good…Please tell me that you haven’t found another renter for the condo yet.” If Marian did, Kendall didn’t know what she was going to do. After a few seconds, she exhaled slowly in relief. Thank God. “Oh, good. I’m going to need it…No, we’re just having some renovating done and they’ll finish quicker with us out of the way.” The lie came easy to her lips. Although it wouldn’t be long before everyone knew she and Zach were over, she’d prefer to have a little time before the “I told you so” comments started to roll in. If she confided in Marian, all of Pine Valley would know in a matter of hours.
“Now, Marian, you know me. The house has to be perfect.” She forced a laugh. “This will make it so much easier.” You just have no idea how much. “Thanks, Marian, I’ll be by to pick up the keys this afternoon…Yes, it’ll be just like the old days…Me, too. Bye.” Kendall hung up the phone before Marian Chandler continued down memory lane and she was forced to be rude. As much as she hated lying to Marian, she couldn’t exactly tell her why she wanted her old condo back. Marian had thought that going back was ‘romantic’ but she couldn’t have been more wrong. Kendall needed the condo for one reason and one reason only. It was the only place where she knew who she was.
Kendall returned to her packing, adding several cotton nightgowns, her underwear, a few sweaters and her favorite jeans to the open, half-filled suitcase on the bed. The few work outfits she had left were already in a garment bag hanging on the door along with case of toiletries. She picked up the small stuffed bear that had fallen between the pillows on the bed and cradled it to her chest. Kendall closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She could almost pretend that it still smelled of baby powder and lotion. Blinking back the tears, she placed the bear in the suitcase and took one last look around the room to make sure she hadn’t forgotten anything. Just one more thing. Kendall knelt beside the bed and reached underneath it, pulling out a box. She stared at it for several minutes before pushing it back underneath the bed only to pull it back out again. Opening it, she retrieved three framed photos and placed them up on the mattress. Before she changed her mind, she closed the box again and slid it back underneath the bed. Standing slowly, she picked up the frames and carried them to the suitcase. Kendall placed them inside, sandwiching them safely between her clothes, and zipped the case shut.
She carried the suitcase and toiletries case out into the hall. Removing the garment bag from the back of the door, she tossed it over her arm and stepped out into the hallway, closing the door behind her. Kendall paused for a moment, her eyes drawn to the nursery door at the end of the hall. Resisting its pull, she made her way down the stairs and out the front door.
She didn’t look back.
************
The Seasons East Casino
“What's going on?” Edie asked from the door as she watched her boss tossing manila files into the open briefcase on his desk. She moved into the office, her eyes scanning the interior and noticed a bag sitting on the sofa along with his suit jacket draped carelessly across it. Frowning, Edie walked to the edge of his desk, her eyes peering into the open case, and noticed the airline ticket. Mentally reviewing Zach's calendar in her head, she knew that he didn't have any out of town business meetings. And even though he looked exhausted, he also hadn't mentioned taking a vacation.
“Where are you going, Zach?” Edie asked as she backed up a few steps and crossed her arms over her chest. She was beginning to get a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach when he avoided her eyes.
Zach ignored the question, his hands moving quickly over the piles of paperwork that were piled on his desk. “I've signed these,” he said as he picked up the shortest stack of papers and thrust them at his assistant. He picked up his glass of scotch and took a deep drink before putting it aside and thumbing through the next stack of papers. “These can wait until I get back,” he advised as he moved them to the other side of his desk.
“Back from where and how long are you going to be gone?” Edie asked as she took the paperwork and put it aside, the frustration at her questions being ignored clearly audible in her voice.
“These can be filed,” he told her as he pushed them forcefully towards her, only to have them slide off the edge of his desk and flutter to the ground. Scattered about the floor they resembled the pieces of his heart. “Shit. I'm sorry.” He crouched down beside Edie and began to gather the papers, trying to put them in some semblance of order. Clearing his throat, he handed the misshapen pile to her and stood up, his hand reaching for his glass of scotch.
Edie stood quickly and placed the pile on Zach's desk. When Zach turned his back, she reached out to pull the airline ticket from the pocket on the back wall of his briefcase. She had just slid the tickets far enough out of the envelope to make out the destination, Las Vegas, before the envelope was yanked out of her hands.
“One of the characteristics of a good assistant is to respect the privacy of her employer,” Zach said as he slid the tickets back inside the sleeve and returned it to his briefcase.
“One of the characteristics of a good friend is to be there for your friend even when they try to shut you out,” Edie replied back, not missing a beat.
Sighing softly, Zach folded his frame into his leather desk chair. “I think I liked you better before we were friends. You could be intimidated back then.” He added the remaining pile of paperwork to his briefcase and closed its lid, spinning the lock. Lifting the briefcase, he placed it alongside his desk, far enough away from Edie's all-to-observant eyes and grabby hands.
Edie smiled, moving paperwork aside so that she could perch on the side of his desk. “You never intimidated me. I just let you think you did,” she replied flippantly. “You needed to feel important and in charge back then and I was feeling charitable.”
Zach chuckled softly as he leaned back in the chair. “Well, I guess I should thank you for boosting my ego.” He looked down, catching himself absentmindedly spinning his wedding band, and the smile faded from his face.
“Zach, talk to me,” Edie encouraged, reaching out to touch his arm. “What's going on?” When he didn't answer, she made her own assumption. “Is it Kendall?” she asked softly. This was getting to be a habit and as much as she liked Kendall, she hated to see Zach hurting.
He shook his head. “Don't...Please.” The headache Zach thought he had gotten rid of was well on its way back and he rubbed his forehead, applying pressure above his eyes. He knew if he told her what happened the night before she'd be all over Kendall. “Edie, I know you want to help, but I can't do this with you, not yet. I need some time to get my head together first.”
“And that's the reason for the impromptu trip?” she surmised.
Zach nodded slowly. “I can't be here,” he admitted quietly. “At least not right now.” After glancing at his watch, he pushed the chair back and got to his feet. He looked over at Edie. “I have to go if I am going to make my flight.”
Edie stood up and gave Zach a quick hug. “Promise me you’ll take care of yourself.”
“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.” Fine.God how he hated that word. Just the sound of it made his jaw clench. People or things were never fine. Just ask his wife.
************
Myrtle’s Boarding House
“Well, last night didn’t exactly go as well as we’d hoped,” Bianca said as she poured two cups of tea and handed one to the older woman across from her.
Myrtle took the cup and added a spoonful of sugar and a dollop of cream. She shook her head as she briefly stirred the hot liquid. “Not even close, darlin’.” She took a sip of her tea before returning her cup to its saucer. Reaching for a warm muffin from the basket between them, she broke off a piece and nibbled at it. “I had such high hopes, Bianca.”
Bianca smiled sadly. “Me, too.” She took a bite of her muffin and chewed thoughtfully. “Myrtle, the two of them have been through so much. They don’t deserve this,” she said softly. “It’s not fair.”
“Life often isn’t. But these two…” Myrtle’s voice faded away as she took another sip of tea. “They love each other; even these old eyes can see that.”
Bianca nodded even as the guilt began to rise. “We never should have pushed. Kendall isn’t ready.” She thought Kendall had made some progress over the past few weeks, but seeing her last night brought back all of her earlier concerns.
“What do you mean ‘not ready’?” Myrtle asked, her eyes focused on Bianca’s averted face. “Not ready to what?”
Raising the teacup to her lips, Bianca drained the remaining liquid and gathered her thoughts. Bianca turned and studied the expression on her friend’s face carefully. “When you talked to Zach, what exactly did he tell you about what happened between him and Kendall?” She placed the empty cup and saucer back on the table.
Myrtle frowned. “What do you mean, darlin’? He told me what she accused him of and that she asked him to go.” When Bianca lowered her eyes, Myrtle reached out and touched Bianca’s hand. “Why do I suddenly think the boy left out a few things?”
Bianca squeezed her friend’s hand before pulling her hand away and standing up. Taking a few steps towards the window, she parted the curtains and looked out onto the street. She slowly let the curtain fall and turned around. “Myrtle, what did you see last night when you looked at Kendall?”
“I saw a young woman whose heart is broken’,” Myrtle replied softly as she clasped her arthritic hands together in her lap. “A young woman who’s afraid to reach out to those who love her.”
Bianca walked back to her chair and sat down. Taking a deep breath, she gave voice to the question that had been reverberating painfully in her head since the night before. “Did you also see a young woman who is purposely destroying herself in the process?”
************
Kendall’s Condo
Kendall stood in the courtyard, keys in hand, staring at the door to her old condo. Hi, honey, I’m home, she thought to herself. She took a step forward and promptly stopped, her breath catching in her chest. Home. Is that what this was now? Was it supposed to be? Kendall could feel the tears forming in her eyes. Refusing to cry in the courtyard, she thrust her key into the lock and turned it quickly, pushing the door open and carrying her things inside.
Her eyes traveled the interior of the condo, stopping on the kitchen island. On it was a bottle of champagne and two crystal flutes. Kendall approached the island slowly, her hand reaching out to pick up the envelope beside it, addressed to her and Zach in a flowing script. Marian. Opening it with shaking hands, Kendall pulled out the card. “Welcome ‘home’ again! Here’s a little something to celebrate with. Love, Marian.”
Celebrate? The word echoed in her head, getting louder and louder until all she could hear was a roaring in her ears. Kendall quickly opened the cabinet in the island and tossed the bottle and the flutes into the trash can. She slammed the cabinet shut and regretted it immediately when her head began to pound. Kendall felt her world begin to spin and slowly made her way to the sofa, her eyes straying to the window and Zach’s condo across the courtyard. It had new owners now, a young couple just starting out if she remembered correctly. She watched as the door to Zach’s old condo opened and the objects of her thoughts suddenly appeared. The young woman was carrying a baby, her husband carrying an overstuffed diaper bag.
Oh God, no. Please. Kendall’s eyes were wide with horror. She came here to remember who she was – Kendall Hart – not to be reminded of what she could never be. Feeling her stomach churning, she lowered herself onto the cushions and leaned forward, her elbows on her knees, her head in her hands. When the spinning stopped, she leaned back and closed her eyes. Breathe. she told herself as she shifted and lifted her legs up onto the sofa. Pulling her knees to her chest, Kendall curled up into a ball and let the hot tears fall.
************
Airplane
Zach stared out the small window and watched as Pine Valley disappeared from view. Sighing in relief, he leaned back in his seat. This was what he needed, he thought to himself. He needed to get away from anything and everything that reminded him of Kendall and think. For the first time in what seemed like weeks, Zach succumbed to his exhaustion and closed his eyes, finally allowing the sleep he had been fighting to claim him.
Zach snaked his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close, smiling against her hair when he heard her purr in contentment. Kendall turned her head and placed a soft kiss above his heart before pulling back, her hand reaching up to caress his jaw. "Do you have any idea how much I love you?" she whispered. Zach smiled, his hand sliding from her shoulders up into her haphazard curls and pulling her forward. "If it's even half as much as I love you, I'm the luckiest guy in the world." Zach tilted his head and touched his mouth to hers. His lips were soft against hers, pressing gently, nibbling hers softly. He stroked the fullness of her bottom lip with the tip of his tongue before taking it into his mouth, sucking gently and then letting go. Hearing her breath catch, Zach slanted his mouth over hers. Feeling her mouth open beneath his, he groaned, his tongue sliding past her lips into the warm, wet heat of her mouth.
After several minutes, Zach broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against hers. He felt Kendall place her small hand on his chest, her fingers sliding between the buttons of his shirt to touch the warm skin underneath. When her new engagement ring got hooked in the fabric, Zach felt a quick tug on his shirt as she removed her fingers, only to feel her hands return and deftly begin to unbutton his shirt. He watched as she shifted and leaned back slightly, her green eyes twinkling mischievously as they met his. Holding his gaze, she slid her hand underneath the shirt, her fingers tracing a pattern over his smooth chest. "So…” she whispered huskily, “how long do we have before we land in Pine Valley?"
He groaned, reaching out to pull her closer, only to frown when she eluded his grasp. “Kendall?” Zach opened his eyes only to find an empty space beside him. His body aching, he shifted uncomfortably as his reality came crashing back. He couldn’t even escape her in his dreams.
"Mr. Slater?" The stewardess called his name, pulling him from his reverie. "May I get you something to drink?" the young woman asked.
“A scotch…” he replied absentmindedly, his mind still on his wife.
“Neat or on the rocks?” She waited a few seconds and when he didn’t answer, she repeated the question. “Mr. Slater?”
He started, his cheeks a dull red. “I’m sorry. On the rocks, thanks…” Zach’s voice trailed away, his eyes returning to the ring circling the third finger of his left hand.
As the stewardess began to walk away, Zach called her back. “On second thought, make that a double.”
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jekyll and hyde 6
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(9/6/06 10:41 pm)
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Re: Where Your Road Leads (Sequel to It Had To Be You)
Chapter 19
Two weeks later (evening)
Fusion
“Kendall,” Simone asked softly, “why don’t you go home and get some sleep?” She watched as Kendall’s eyes kept fluttering closed and re-opening. “You’re exhausted. I can finish up.”
Kendall shook her head and got up from her desk. “I’m fine, Simone,” she snapped as she headed over to the lightboard. Reaching out, she rearranged the layout of the graphics, moving the section of text to the right then the left. Damn it, she thought to herself. It’s still awful. Kendall let out a little scream of aggravation as she picked up the sheets, crumpling them in her hand and throwing them across the room.
“Sweetie, what’s wrong?” Simone asked as she picked the crumpled sheets off of the floor. She approached her friend slowly, smoothing out the sheets as she went. “I thought you liked what we had so far?”
“The entire advertising campaign sucks!” Kendall ranted as she began pacing. “The models are all wrong – they don’t look like hip twenty-something’s, they look like teenagers.” She picked up the wrinkled sheet of text that Simone had placed on her desk. “And look at this – this drivel,” she spat as she read the advertising text aloud. “It sounds ridiculous! Who approved this?”
Simone watched in silence as Kendall kept moving, her hands flying. Uh oh. “Kendall, honey, I’m sure it’s fine.” Her eyes strayed to the clock on the wall. “It’s late. It’ll look better in the morning.”
“Answer me, Simone,” Kendall ordered, her eyes flashing. “I’m going to find out anyway, so that person had better have another job lined up.” When Simone’s eyes widened in apprehension, everything suddenly clicked. “Oh my God. It was you.” She crossed over to her friend. “What the hell were you thinking?” Kendall yelled as she shoved the sheet of text under Simone’s nose. “Oh, that’s right, you weren’t! You were probably too busy flirting with the new guy in marketing, batting your eyelashes at and gushing over every word he said. That’s probably how we ended up with this crap! I can’t believe that you’d sacrifice Fusion for a chance at getting laid!”
Simone’s indrawn breath was audible in the quiet room. “Wow. You really are a bitch, aren’t you?” She walked to her desk and grabbed her purse. “What’s your problem, Kendall?” she asked. “Is it really the campaign?” She sighed heavily. “Look, sweetie, I’m sorry for what you’re going through but it’s not fair to take it out on me. I thought we were friends.” Not waiting for an answer, Simone walked to the elevator and pushed the button before turning back to Kendall. “For your information,” she said quietly, “you were the one who approved the models and the text.” And with that, the elevator doors closed in Kendall’s face.
************
Bianca Montgomery Residence
“Hello. No one is available to take your call. Please leave a message after the tone.”
Bianca removed the phone from her ear and frowned at the sound of the automated greeting. Thinking she had dialed the wrong number, she hung up and redialed Kendall’s home number. Receiving the same message for a second time, she stared at the display on the handset. 555-7853. It was the correct number. When the message stopped, Bianca began to speak. “Kendall? It’s me. It’s about 9:00pm. I just wanted to make sure that you’re okay. Call me, please? I need to talk to you.” Bianca hung up the phone slowly, unable to help feeling as if she was being avoided. She could only hope Kendall was already in bed asleep.
Her mind shifted to her daughter and she headed down the hall to a closed door. Opening it slowly, her eyes were drawn to the small form covered in a pale pink comforter. Bianca smiled softly as she walked towards the canopy bed. She reached out and pushed Miranda’s hair back from her face. Oh, Miranda, I don’t know what I’d do without you, she thought to herself. Her eyes filled up when she thought of Kendall and Zach trying to deal with Nicholas’ death. She couldn’t help but remember what it was like when she thought Miranda was dead, all the feelings of pain and the emptiness returning as if it was yesterday. Bianca blinked away her tears and reminded herself that she had been one of the lucky ones. Miranda had been returned to her arms, safe and sound. For Kendall and Zach, Nicholas was gone for good.
************
Las Vegas
The Seasons West
“Slater,” he answered absentmindedly, tucking the cell phone between his ear and shoulder as he hurriedly scrawled his signature on the papers in front of him and pushed them aside.
“Zach? It’s Marian Chandler.”
“Marian, how are you?” Zach leaned back in his chair and allowed a smile to creep into his voice. The older woman was one of the nicest people in Pine Valley.
“I’m fine, Zach. Actually I am better than fine. I have some fantastic news and since I haven’t been able to get in touch with Kendall, I thought I’d call you.
He closed his eyes at the mention of his wife’s name. It had been two weeks and the thought of her still solicited the same intense pain in his chest.
“How much longer do you think the renovations on your house are going to take?”
Zach sat up straight. “The renovations?” What renovations? he repeated to himself.
“Yes, dear. Now, Zach, you know I love your wife, but I thought she said that house of yours was perfect when you bought it?”
He forced a laugh as his mind raced, trying to picture what part of the house Kendall could possibly be changing and could only come up with one answer. “Marian, you know that Kendall wants everything perfect-”
“That’s exactly what she said. But Zach, an offer like this doesn’t come along every day.”
“What offer?”
“I just received an offer on Kendall’s condo. It’s extremely generous.”
“Oh. That’s good then, considering the market these days.” He frowned. “But I thought Kendall wanted to keep it as rental property.”
“She does, but the buyer said they’d rent if they had to. Which is why I need to know how long the renovations are going to take.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Zach, I can’t rent it or sell it while you two are living there until the renovations are done.”
Zach was silent as he let her words sink in before he deciphered their real meaning: Kendall had moved out of their house and back to her condo. He couldn’t help but sigh heavily at the choice of words: renovation. He was sure that the only thing being renovated was Kendall’s life…specifically the removal of him from it.
“Zach? Are you there?”
He snapped out of his reverie. “I’m sorry, Marian. I was just thinking,” he explained and he heard her laugh softly. “I’m not sure how long the…renovations are going to take. I’ll tell you what. Let me check into that and talk to Kendall. We’ll call you back as soon as we have a timeframe.”
“That would be wonderful, Zach. The prospective buyer gave me some time to see if Kendall would change her mind about selling it as opposed to renting it out.”
“Good. But, Marian, it is ultimately Kendall’s decision.” He almost choked on the words. Everything these days seemed to be her decision, regardless of whether or not she was the only one affected by it.
“Of course, Zach. I understand. But you will tell her what an opportunity this is, won’t you?”
“I’ll relay the information, Marian. That’s all I can do.” But she’s not going to listen, he finished his thought in his head. “We’ll be in touch.” Before Marian could respond, Zach severed the connection and tossed the phone on his desk. He opened his desk drawer and pulled out a picture, his eyes traveling slowly over its subject. First their marriage, now the house. He could only wonder what would be next.
************
Kendall’s Condo
The tapping on the bathroom door was getting louder, turning into pounding the longer it continued. “Kendall, if you don’t answer me, I’m coming in,” Zach threatened. He softened his voice. “I just want to make sure you’re okay.”
Kendall wiped her eyes and stared at the door. Oh God, don’t be kind, Zach, she thought to herself. I don’t deserve it. “I’m fine,” she said, louder this time, closing her eyes in disgust as she heard her voice crack. Needing to pull herself together, she stood slowly and went back to the vanity, turning on the cold water and splashing it on her face. Grabbing a towel, she dried her skin. She ran her fingers through her curls and nodded at her reflection. It was time. Turning around, her eyes went to the door. After taking a deep breath, she reached out and unlocked it.
Zach opened the door quickly and stepped inside, closing it and locking it behind him. His concerned eyes met her tear-filled ones and wordlessly, he opened his arms.
She launched herself into his embrace, her arms sliding underneath his jacket to wrap tightly around his waist, and buried her head against his chest. He held her tightly murmuring words of comfort as she cried, her shoulders shaking with the force of her sobs. They stayed that way for a while, until Kendall ran out of tears and pulled away.
“I’m s-,” she began only to have him shake his head.
“Shh. Don’t.” His voice was hoarse. He reached out to cup her face, his right thumb wiping away a track of her tears. “I am, too,” he whispered as he blinked away his own tears. “Kendall, I love you. You have to know that.”
She nodded quickly as the tears began anew and rolled down her cheeks. “I do - I love you,” she stammered.
Zach bent his head and kissed her face, his lips gentle on her cheeks as he tasted the warm saltiness of her tears. He kissed her forehead, the tip of her nose, and then finally her lips, their softness trembling beneath his. Her breath hitched in her throat as she parted her lips, inviting him in. Wrapping his arms tightly around her, he deepened the kiss and sent his tongue delving inside her mouth to taste her, groaning when her tongue wrapped around his and pulled him inside.
Kendall’s senses were on overload, her heart pounding, her pulse racing. After several weeks without his touch, the taste and the smell of him were overwhelming her, and the only thing she could think of was being as close to him as possible.
He broke the kiss and rested his forehead against hers. “Kendall,” he began, his breath coming in pants, “what-” Her hands slid upwards on his chest, up and under his jacket to push it from his shoulders. Zach let his arms fall to his side, his eyes searching hers as his body hardened. “Dinner-”
“Can wait,” she said impatiently as she tugged the jacket down his arms and tossed it to the floor. “I need to be close to you.” Her hands were unbuttoning his shirt as she lifted herself up on her toes and quickly pressed her lips to his. “I need to feel you, Zach.” She lowered herself to the ground and looked up into his eyes. “Remind me of what we used to have, what we can have again.” Kendall watched his eyes darken, a tingle of excitement running up and down her spine. “Right here, Zach. Right now.” She began to unbutton her jacket, her fingers fumbling over the buttons. She felt his hands cover hers and remove them, lowering them to her sides, before he lowered his head to hers.
He made short work of her jacket, adding it to his on the floor of the small bathroom. Her blouse was next, as he gently peeled the long-sleeved silk blouse from her slight frame and allowed it to float to the floor. Her bra followed and she faltered, her eyes dropping from his, and he bent his head and placed a kiss above her heart. “Hey,” he said softly. “Look at me, Kendall.” He placed a finger beneath her chin and lifted her face to his. “I think you’re beautiful.” He released her chin so that he could capture the tear that was rolling down her cheek with his thumb. He sank to his knees in front of her, placing a trail of kisses down her torso as his hands worked to remove her stilettos first, before unbuttoning her pants and rolling them, along with the lace beneath them down her hips. His hands steadied her as she stepped out of them, and she trembled as the air hit her overheated body.
Reaching down, she grasped his shoulders and pulled him to his feet, her mouth hungrily searching for his as she reached for his belt. She felt him pull her hands away instead, taking them and wrapping them around his neck. Her eyes were squeezed tightly shut, needing to concentrate and feel each and every sensation as if it was the first time.
Without breaking their kiss, Zach bent slightly and wrapped his hands around the back of her thighs, lifting her up into his arms. He took the few steps to the wall and pressed her up against it, holding her there with one hand and the firm pressure of his strong chest, while his other reached down to undo his belt and the pants they were holding at his waist. He hastily pushed them, along with his boxers, over his hips, freeing his straining erection.
Moving his hands to her hips, he pulled her lower as he thrust upwards, burying himself inside her tight, wet sheath. Zach broke their kiss and buried his face in the curve of her neck, his heart pounding, remaining still as his body reacquainted itself with hers. He groaned as Kendall tightened her legs around him and began to roll her hips, her inner walls squeezing him.
“Now, Zach,” she whispered, her voice breaking as she felt him begin to move, the familiar sensations beginning to make their way back. She cried out in pleasure with each hard thrust he made inside her, totally oblivious to the fact each one drove her forcefully into the wall behind her. Needing just a little bit more she bore down, angling her hips to take him deeper. His next thrust sent her spiraling out of control, and she shattered in his arms. He followed right behind her, riding out her orgasm and grunting as he continued to pulse strongly inside her. Together they sank to the floor.
Kendall turned over, her body shifting restlessly on the bed. Her face was flushed, the layers of curls that framed her face damp with sweat and sticking to her cheek. She murmured incoherently as she thrashed about, her long legs tangling in the sheet.
Suddenly Zach was gone and she was standing alone in an empty white room, its stillness suddenly broken by the sound of a baby crying. “Nicholas?” She turned around looking desperately for her little boy. “Mommy’s here, baby. Where are you?” Her eyes darted back and forth in panic. “Nicholas?” She could feel the sob rising up in her throat.
The baby’s crying began to get louder and louder and there was nothing she could do to stop it. She pressed her hand to her ears as the tears fell. “Please stop crying,” she sobbed, “please”. She sank to the floor and pulled her legs up to her chest, her forehead resting on her knees. “I don’t know what to do,” she whispered brokenly. After a few minutes, the room was silent again.
“Mommy?”
A small voice penetrated her sobs. Raising her tear-filled eyes, she saw a little boy about five years old with green eyes.
“Nicholas?” she asked slowly, as she shifted and got up onto her knees, her arms outstretched.
“Don’t you love me?” His eyes were filled with confusion.
“Nicholas, of course I love you!” She reached out to hold him and watched helplessly as he backed away.
He shook his head slowly. “No, you don’t.”
“Nicholas, don’t say that!” Her voice was rising in hysteria. “I love you more than anything!”
“You,” he said, as he pointed a short stubby finger at her chest, “let me die.”
She woke up screaming, bolting upright in her bed, unable to see through the tears that were flowing freely from her eyes.
TBC
Beautiful banner below made for me by Kristine with a little help from TK ~
 Edited by: jekyll and hyde 6 at: 9/7/06 11:41 pm
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jekyll and hyde 6
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(9/11/06 12:07 am)
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Re: Where Your Road Leads (Sequel to It Had To Be You)
Chapter 20
Kendall’s Condo
2:18am
Kendall walked towards the kitchen, turning on each light that she passed until the darkness was dispelled and only brightness remained. Opening up the cabinet, she reached behind the tea for the unopened can of coffee and set it on the counter. With shaky hands she pulled out the drawer and took out her can opener. It took her three tries, but she finally got the can opened and prepped the coffeemaker. A minute later, the scent of coffee filled the air.
Closing her eyes briefly, she inhaled. This should help, she thought to herself. She hovered over the coffeemaker, her eyelids heavy as she watched the coffee drip into the carafe. Kendall reached for the biggest coffee mug she could find and set it on the counter. Unable to wait, she removed the carafe and filled the mug, ignoring the coffee dripping onto the plate that sizzled and spilled over onto the counter. Shoving the carafe back into its home, she picked up her mug and headed over to the couch, reached for the remote and turned on the TV, increasing the volume until it hurt her ears. There was no way she was going back to sleep. Kendall lowered herself onto the sofa and pulled her knees to her chest, setting the mug across the top. Ignoring the voices in her head, she stared at the TV screen, intent upon losing herself in someone else’s life.
************
3:46am
She was working on drinking her second pot of coffee, and it didn’t seem to be helping. She was still yawning. Kendall’s eyes shifted away from the TV and began to close. Catching herself, she hastily drained her mug and stood up, intent on getting a refill. Stumbling, she caught herself on the back of the sofa as the world seemed to shift under her feet. She took a deep breath and waited for her world to stop spinning, finally shaking her head when the blurry images refused to sharpen. It took several minutes before her vision cleared and she was able to resume her progress towards the kitchen where she poured herself another mug of coffee.
************
5:23am
She had managed to sit through Casablanca, feeling almost vindicated when the movie proved to be another shining example of proof that love just wasn’t enough. When the station moved on to Alfred Hitchcock’s Notorious, she groaned aloud, for it didn’t take her long to start comparing Cary Grant to her soon-to-be ex-husband. Kendall found her eyes drawn to Cary’s chin and her mind wandering to the slight cleft in her husband’s that she liked to trace with her finger or her tongue... Some things were best forgotten, she reminded herself. Reaching for the remote, she hurriedly turned the TV off. If only it was that easy to make her memories of Zach disappear.
************
6:41am
Kendall stared at her reflection in the mirror as she tried to finish applying her make-up. She tapped her concealer-covered ring finger along the delicate skin beneath her eyes and frowned when she wasn’t able to cover the blue-black shadows. Making a mental note to grab a darker concealer from work, she pulled her hair back, secured it behind her head, and checked out the finished product. She looked like hell. How appropriate, she thought to herself as she headed to the living room, for someone who was living in it.
Grabbing her purse and her keys, she exited the condo, slamming the door behind her.
************
7:07am
As she drove to Fusion, Kendall went over the day before, specifically her argument with Simone, and tried to formulate an apology in her head. Simone had been right - she was a bitch – and Simone had every right to be angry. Sighing softly, she hoped that her friend would be able to forgive her. After trying to call her several times the night before, Kendall had given up when Simone refused to answer the phone, and figured that she owed her the apology in person. A blaring car horn brought her out of her reverie and she swerved jerkily back into her own lane.
Blinking several times, Kendall tried to fight the fog she could feel settling over her, but the urge to just give in and let go was suddenly too much to withstand. Her eyelids heavy, she allowed them to close for a brief second.
She never felt a thing.
************
Las Vegas
The Seasons West
Ring. Ring.
Zach rolled over in bed and looked at the clock, his head pounding. Seven-o’-clock. He had only been asleep an hour. Groaning, he reached for his cell phone and checked the caller ID. Kendall. He closed his eyes and sighed heavily before turning the phone off and putting the cell phone back down on the nightstand. He didn’t have the energy to fight with her yet. He shifted and tried to get comfortable, something he hadn’t been able to do since the last night he had slept with her beside him. His last thought before he went back to sleep was that the house could wait.
Fusion
Bianca stepped off the Fusion elevator and scanned the office. Not seeing Kendall, she walked over to Simone, gently tugging Miranda along behind her. “Simone?”
“Sweetie!” Simone jumped out of her chair and pulled Bianca into a hug. “I heard you were staying for a while.” Releasing her friend, Simone squatted down to Miranda’s level. “And you, Miranda, honey! Oh my, aren’t you just so grown up?” She reached out and touched Miranda’s hair. You look just like your mommy.”
Bianca agreed, watching as Miranda smiled and moved closer. “Is Kendall here?” She frowned as Simone’s smile faded and watched as she turned and began going through paperwork on the desk behind her. “Simone?”
Simone blinked back her angry tears, the argument with Kendall yesterday upsetting her more than she’d care to admit, especially to Bianca. “She’s not here.”
“What do you mean she’s not here?” Bianca asked in confusion. “Kendall is always here by nine, earlier if she is in the middle of a campaign. It’s ten-thirty already.”
“Well, all I can tell you is that she’s not here,” Simone said quietly. “I haven’t seen her since last night.”
“Is she okay?” Bianca’s voice was tentative. “I’ve been calling her and haven’t been able to reach her.”
“No, she’s not okay. She’s being a royal bitch.” Simone couldn’t stop the words from coming and she spun around to face Bianca, her hand over her mouth, her eyes wide in mortification when she remembered Miranda was standing right there. “Oh! I’m sorry! Oh my gosh, I didn’t mean-”
Bianca cut her off with a short laugh. “Simone, I am very well aware of who my sister is as well as what she is like these days.” She looked down at her daughter. “Miranda, why don’t you go say hi to Dani?” Miranda didn’t need to be asked twice and took off running. When Bianca was sure that Miranda was out of earshot, she turned her attention back to Simone. “I’m worried about her,” she admitted quietly. “Kendall needs help and I think Zach and I have been too complacent in thinking that she can work through things on her own.”
Simone grasped Bianca’s arm and pulled her into the conference room, closing the door behind them. “What do you mean?” When Bianca began to detail Kendall’s actions over the past few weeks, she gasped, the anger she felt towards Kendall falling away and replaced with sympathy and concern. “I had no idea. I just knew that she and Zach were having problems-” She was cut off by the ringing of Bianca’s cell phone.
Bianca checked the caller ID and sighed in relief. “It’s Kendall.” She opened the phone and put it up to her ear. “Kendall, I’ve been so worried about…yes, this is she…Oh my God, I’ll be right there.”
“Honey, what’s wrong?” Simone asked worriedly as she watched Bianca’s already pale face turn white as a sheet.
“It’s Kendall,” she replied woodenly. “There’s been an accident. I need to go to the hospital.” She fumbled with her phone, trying to put it back in her purse.
“I’ll drive you,” Simone offered.
“But - but what about Miranda? I-” Bianca looked lost.
“Dani can keep an eye on her. Let’s go.” Reaching for Bianca’s hand, she gave it a comforting squeeze before she opened the door. After a few quick directions for Dani, Simone ushered Bianca to the elevator and then out the door.
************
PVH
Dr. Joe Martin handed Kendall’s cell phone to Anita Santos. “Anita, the police weren’t able to reach Zach. Can you try? His cell number is programmed in.”
“Of course, Dr. Martin. How’s Kendall?”
“She’s still unconscious. From what I was told, it looks like she lost control of her car and hit the guardrail. She hit her head pretty hard but there aren’t any broken bones.” Joe reached out and touched Anita’s arm. “Tell him that she’s going to be fine and that we’re running some tests now just to be on the safe side.”
Anita nodded and opened the cell phone, scrolling through the phonebook until she found Zach’s cell number. Highlighting it, she hit “dial” and waited, sighing when she went directly to voicemail. “Zach, it’s Anita. Kendall’s been in an accident. It looks like she’s going to be okay, but she’s still unconscious. We’re running some more tests to be sure, but Dr. Martin wanted me to let you know. I’ll see you when you get here.” She went to close the phone but thought better of it. Scrolling again, she found the number for the casino. “Edie? This is Anita Santos at PVH. I need to talk to Zach. It’s important… He’s out of town? Where is he?...Edie, I can appreciate that, but you don’t understand. It’s Kendall.” Her eyes widened as she listened to Zach’s assistant. “Edie, stop, please! Kendall’s been in an accident. I know that Zach would want to know as soon as possible…They think she’s going to be fine but she’s still unconscious…Yes, I just called Zach’s cell and left a message…Thank you, Edie. I’d appreciate that…Yes, I’ll let you know. Good-bye.”
Anita closed the cell phone and stared at it in confusion. The way Edie had started talking, it almost sounded like Zach and Kendall had split up. She shook her head, thinking she must have heard wrong. If ever there were two people that loved each other, it was these two. She’d witnessed it first-hand. Placing Kendall’s cell phone under the nurse’s station, she picked up the chart in front of her and went to check on her patient.
************
Las Vegas
The Seasons West
Knock. Knock.
Zach removed the pillow below him and placed it over his head to drown out the noise. Unfortunately the knocking continued, and it was getting louder.
“Mr. Slater?”
The voice of Zach’s assistant manager managed to penetrate the cushion of the pillow. Squeezing his eyes shut, he groaned. Take a hint, Mark. Go away.
“Mr. Slater, sir, it’s an emergency.”
It always is. “I don’t care if the hotel is on fire, Mark. Go away.”
“Edie said I had to deliver this message personally.” Mark shifted back and forth and waited for the explosion. It never materialized. Instead, Mark heard a click and watched in amazement as the door opened to reveal his very tired-looking boss.
“What is it?” Zach asked resignedly.
“She said you have to check your cell phone’s voicemail right away.” Mark’s eyes saw past his boss to the empty bottle of scotch. Oh shit.
Zach rubbed his forehead. “Ok, if that’s all…” he began as he started to close the door only to be stopped by Mark’s foot. He looked at the foot wedged between the door and the jamb and raised his eyes. “Was there something else, Mark?” he asked, his voice dangerously low.
The younger man swallowed nervously. “Um, yes, sir. She said I was to remain here until you did it.”
The two men stared at each other for a minute before Zach sighed and walked over to the nightstand and picked up his phone. He made a show of turning it on and dialing his voicemail before holding it out to Mark. “Would you like to make sure I really dialed my voicemail?”
Mark shook his head and watched as Zach put the phone to his ear.
Zach held up two fingers indicating two messages. He sighed as he prepared to listen to the first one, only to find out that although the ID had said it was from Kendall, the message that followed certainly wasn’t. He looked over at Mark in shock as he sat down on the edge of bed. He forced himself to listen to the second message which wasn’t much better.
“Mark,” he said as he cleared his throat, “I need to be on the next flight to Pine Valley.”
************
PVH
Bianca and Simone stepped off the elevator and headed straight towards Dr. Martin.
“How’s Kendall?” Bianca asked.
Joe smiled reassuringly. “She’s going to be fine. Your sister is a very lucky young woman. Aside form a slight concussion, she has a few bruises. It could’ve been a lot worse. We’re still waiting on the results of her lab work.” Joe steered Bianca over to the chairs that lined the wall and waited until she sat down.
Bianca looked up at the older man and frowned. “What is it, Joe?”
“I’ll be honest, Bianca. Your sister looks dreadful. She’s much too thin and it looks like she is having problems sleeping.” He watched Bianca’s face carefully. “I’m very surprised that both you and Zach have allowed it to continue.”
Bianca flushed at the disapproval in Joe’s voice. “She’s been avoiding us lately.”
“Now it’s none of my business, but if I were you I’d encourage your sister to get some help.” He patted her hand. “Getting over the death of a child isn’t easy. You needed support. Kendall’s no different.” Out of the corner of his eye, Joe saw Anita wave a file in his direction and stood up slowly. “I need to go, Bianca. Remember what I said.”
She nodded slowly. “Can I go sit with her?”
Joe nodded. “Let me know the minute she wakes up.” Turning around, he headed towards Anita.
************
Bianca opened the door to her sister’s room slowly; almost afraid of what she was going to see. Her stomach clenched when she saw how frail Kendall looked and she felt her eyes fill up with tears. Bianca sat down in the chair beside the bed and reached for her sister’s hand. “Oh, honey, I’m so sorry I wasn’t there,” she whispered, reaching out with her free hand to touch Kendall’s hair. “But I promise to help you through this. We all will.” It’ll be okay, she thought to herself. It had to be.
************
Several hours later
Zach stepped off the elevator and headed to the nurse’s station. “Anita! How is she? Is she okay?” He thrust his fingers into his hair in agitation.
Anita looked at the man in front of her. He looked like hell. Edie was wrong. she thought to herself. Anyone could see that Zach was totally in love with his wife. She smiled reassuringly and picked up the phone in front of her. “Let me call Dr. Martin for you, Zach.”
He lowered himself down into a chair to wait and tried to close his eyes, but every time he did, all he could see in his mind was Kendall’s cold, lifeless body and he suddenly couldn’t breathe. Unable to sit and wait, Zach got up and paced back and forth anxiously, waiting for Joe to arrive.
“Zach.” Joe approached Zach slowly, his eyes taking in Zach’s obvious distress.
“Joe, how is she?” His eyes searched the older man’s for the truth.
Joe sighed softly and indicated the seating area that Zach just vacated. Once they were both seated, he looked Zach in the eyes. “Zach, can I be honest?”
Zach nodded, suddenly wary. He wasn’t going to like this.
“The accident was minor. She was very lucky, just a slight concussion and several bruises. I am more concerned about the condition she was in prior to the accident. She’s too thin, not to mention the fact that she looks like she hasn’t slept in days. That’s not healthy, Zach,” he said reproachfully. “Once she woke up, we hooked her up to an IV. We’re running some fluids in her to help balance it out.”
Zach looked away, refusing to let Joe make him feel guilty. He studiously ignored the voice in his head that kept repeating that he was partly to blame.
“We also gave her something to help her sleep.” When Zach turned back around and opened his mouth to reply, Joe held up his hand and continued. “Don’t worry. It won’t harm the baby.”
Baby? He leaned back and looked at Joe, his mind racing. Kendall was pregnant?
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