Chapter 21


Kendall was pregnant? He could tell Joe was still talking, for he could see his lips moving, but the only thing he could hear was the voice in his head that kept repeating the word “baby”.

“…got to start taking better care of herself.” Joe stopped when he realized that Zach wasn’t listening. “Zach?”

Zach sighed. “I’m sorry, Joe. You were saying?” He tried to focus on the man in front of him.

“I was saying she has to start taking care of herself, Zach.” Joe looked Zach in the eye. “I am sure it’s been an adjustment for the two of you, Kendall especially. To have just lost a child and then find out that you’re expecting another one? It’s a lot to deal with.” Joe watched as Zach looked away, his eyes narrowing in concern when he saw the muscle in Zach’s jaw working. “But Zach, you need to make sure that she eats and that she rests. Her current condition isn’t healthy. If she keeps this up, she’s going to end up harming the baby.”

“I’ll take care of it.” Zach’s voice was flat.

“I know this has to be hard for the both of you, but just remember that there’s every reason to believe that this child will live a long and happy life.” Joe was interrupted by the sound of his pager going off. Checking its message, he stood up slowly. “I need to go see my patient.” He smiled gently. “I’ll let you know when you can see her.”

Zach nodded slowly. “Thanks, Joe.” He slouched in the chair as he watched the older man walk away, his mind focusing on Joe’s words. If she keeps this up, she’s going to end up harming the baby. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath. Was that what she was doing? he thought to himself. No. He shook his head to remove the unwelcome thought, uncomfortable when it wouldn’t immediately go away. She wouldn’t, would she?



Knock. Knock.

Joe poked his head inside Kendall’s door and smiled. “Can I come in?”

Kendall looked over at Bianca before she nodded and shifted slightly, pulling the bedding up further to cover her chest.

Bianca stood up. “I’ll leave you two alone to talk.” She bent and kissed Kendall’s forehead. “I’ll be back a little later,” she promised and walked to the door.

Joe waited for Bianca to leave before he spoke. “How are you feeling?” he asked, as he made his way over to the bed.

“Tired,” she whispered back, as she reached up to touch her head. “My head…”

“That’s to be expected.” Joe sat down in the empty chair beside Kendall’s bed. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

Kendall frowned, her forehead wrinkling in concentration. “I remember starting to watch a movie…something with Cary Grant, I think…” Her voice faded away when she remembered why she turned the TV off. Zach.

“Anything else?” he asked, as he watched a shadow pass across her face.

She cleared her throat and continued. “Yes. I remember getting in the car and driving to work…” Suddenly she could hear the sound of a horn in her ears and she flinched.

“What is it Kendall?” Joe reached out and covered her hand with his.

“A horn,” she murmured softly, as she raised her eyes to his. “There was a horn. I was…distracted.” Kendall removed her hand from underneath Joe’s and pulled it to her chest. “I had started to drift into another lane.” She felt her cheeks flood with heat.

“What else do you remember?” he pressed gently.

“I remember closing my eyes…” Her eyes widened. “On my God!” she exclaimed as she tried to sit up. “What happened to me?”

Joe immediately moved to adjust her pillows behind her to prop her up. “Easy, Kendall.”

“But I-” Her horrified eyes looked into his kind ones.

“Shh. From what I’ve been told, you lost control of the car and you crashed into the guardrail on I-81. Luckily for you, the car was slowing down as it approached it.” He reached out and took her left hand. “The good news, young lady, is that both you and the baby are fine.”

“Both me and the baby are fine?” she repeated woodenly.

Joe nodded, smiling. “You have a very resilient little one in there,” he said as he gestured to her still flat stomach. “But, Kendall, he or she can’t take care of themselves on their own. You need to do your part.”

Kendall dropped her eyes and placed her shaky right hand over her stomach.

“You came in here malnourished, dehydrated and exhausted.” Joe sighed heavily. “That concerned me more than the slight concussion and bump on your head from your accident.”

Although Kendall could hear him speaking, she couldn’t focus on the words. All she could do was to gently rub her stomach.

“I want you to promise me that you’re going to start taking better care of yourself,” he demanded quietly. “I don’t ever want to see you looking like this again.” Joe waited for her to meet his gaze. “You know better than this, Kendall.”

Kendall nodded slowly, her throat tight.

“Okay, then. I need to go see another patient. I’ll be back.” He squeezed her hand and released it. “Are you going to be okay?”

Unable to find her voice, she nodded again and watched him leave. She managed to hold it together until the door closed behind him. Once it did, she gave into her tears.



Bianca closed the door to Kendall’s room behind her and headed back to the waiting area to find her brother-in-law staring off into space. “Zach?”

“Bianca.” Zach hurriedly blinked away the film of moisture that covered his eyes and sat up straight. “How is she?”

“She’s okay, Zach,” she said in relief as she sank down into the chair next to him. Bianca closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the wall. She could feel the tears she held back earlier begin to flood her eyes and took an unsteady breath.

Zach watched helplessly as the tears began to slide down her cheeks. “Hey,” he whispered gently as he stood up and pulled her into his arms. He felt her wrap her arms tightly around his waist and hold on, for what seemed like dear life, as she cried. Zach could hear her voice but he could barely make out her words.

“…my fault…Joe was right…” she mumbled into his chest, her tears dampening the front of his shirt.

“Shh,” he whispered, lowering his chin to the top of her head. Zach closed his eyes. If anyone was to blame, it was me, he thought to himself. When Bianca seemed to run out of tears, he moved his hands to her shoulders and gently pushed her away to look into her eyes. “What do you say we go get some coffee and talk?”

Bianca wiped her eyes and nodded, and managed a watery smile. “Thank you, Zach.” She felt him wrap an arm around her and together they headed to the cafeteria.



It had to be a mistake, she thought to herself, as she wiped her tears away with the back of her hand. How could I be pregnant? She hadn’t been with Zach since the night Nicholas died and she had been on the pill. Joe had to be wrong. Panicking, her mind raced until it found what it had been looking for. ‘I need you, Zach. Make love to me.’

Kendall sucked in her breath. “The dream,” she whispered to herself. At least that’s what she had thought it was, until she woke up the next morning naked, her body pleasantly sore in all the right places. “Oh, God,” she whimpered, as she brought her hand to her mouth. “I’m pregnant.” She could feel the dull throbbing in her head intensifying as well as a sharp pain beginning to materialize behind her eyes. Was this God’s idea of a joke? Give the woman who already failed once as a mother another chance to repeat her mistakes? Kendall could feel the sob rising in her throat. Give her another child to love only to take him or her away because she wasn’t worthy of another child in the first place? Suddenly she couldn’t breathe. What if she caused the death of this one, too?

Her stomach churning, Kendall threw back the bedclothes and slowly got out of bed, pulling out her IV as she stood. She had barely managed the short walk to the bathroom without collapsing before her stomach rebelled, and she was forced to her knees to empty its contents into the toilet. Reaching up she pressed the handle and closed her eyes, hearing the whoosh of the water as it removed the trace of her recent weakness. Suddenly exhausted, she sat down on her heels before turning and lowering herself to the floor. Rolling over onto her side, Kendall curled up into a ball, hot tears streaming down her face.

That’s where Anita found her an hour later, sound asleep on the cool tile floor.



Bianca felt Zach press a warm cup of coffee into her hands. “Thanks.” She took a small sip and smiled as she saw him place a muffin in front of her. “Taking lessons from Myrtle?”

Zach flushed uncomfortably. “You should eat something.” When he saw her arch an eyebrow, he sighed. “I know they’re not as good as hers, but it seems like muffins are always a part of “these” types of conversations.”

She smiled as she thought of her friend. “You’re right about that. They usually accompany her wisdom.” Bianca’s smile faded. “What happened to us, Zach?” she asked as she began to peel the Saran wrap off the muffin. “When did we become so…so complacent?” Her sad eyes searched his. “We knew there was something wrong. Why didn’t we make her get help?” She blinked away her tears. “How did we ever think she could get better on her own?”

Lowering his eyes, he reached for his own cup of coffee and took a sip. Bianca was absolutely right. “I guess we didn’t want to believe she was as bad off as she was.” Zach unconsciously tightened his grip around the paper cup when he thought of the last time he saw his wife. The guilt intensified, squeezing his chest. How the hell did he leave her and walk away when she looked like that?

Bianca reached out and placed her hand over his before he squashed the cup completely and wore the coffee. “Everyone handles grief differently.”

Zach shook his head. Kendall was doing more than grieving and it scared him to death. His mind kept going back to the baby. Their baby. He pushed aside his own feelings about the baby and wondered just how long she had known – and why she didn’t tell him.

“I should’ve been there, Zach.” Bianca’s voice was quiet as she picked at her muffin. “I know what it’s like to lose a child. I went through that with Miranda.” Her eyes were sad. “I should’ve-’”

“Don’t.” His voice was rough. “Don’t do that to yourself.” Zach pushed himself away from the table. “You’re not the one married to her. You weren’t the one who was living in the same house with her.” He gave a cynical laugh as he rubbed his forehead. She’s not even living there now, he reminded himself.

Bianca looked up in surprise. “What?”

“You don’t know?” Zach asked in surprise. “Well, I wouldn’t have either if it wasn’t for Marian.”

“Marian?” Bianca repeated as she tried to place the name. “Marian as in Marian Chandler?” At Zach’s nod, she continued. “What does she have to do with anything?”

“She called me while I was in Vegas.”

“Vegas?” Bianca couldn’t help the disapproval that crept into her voice.

Ignoring her implied question, he continued. “She found someone who wants to buy Kendall’s old condo, but there’s a problem.”

“That’s great.” When she saw the muscle in Zach’s jaw working, she leaned forward. “Wait. What’s the problem?”

Zach stood up, picked up his empty coffee cup and the muffin he hadn’t touched, and carried them both to the trash. Without turning around, he answered “Kendall’s living there.” He cleared his throat. “I need to head back.” Without waiting for an answer, he headed towards the door, Bianca following in his wake.



Zach was just approaching Kendall’s room when its door opened and Anita came out, closing it softly behind her. “Anita,” he acknowledged as he reached past her for the handle, intent on entering Kendall’s room.

Anita reached out to grab his arm and steered him away from the door. Her eyes returned to the door behind her before they met his. “She’s asleep.”

He stopped short when he realized something wasn’t right. “Anita, what’s wrong? How’s Kendall?”

“She’s fine now, Zach. Why don’t you let her rest?”

Zach caught the word “now”. “What do you mean ‘now’, Anita?” When Anita tried to avoid the question, he snapped. “Damn it, Anita, she’s my wife! What the hell happened?” He watched Anita jump and he lowered his voice, sighing softly. “I’m sorry, but I need to know what happened.”

She nodded. “Of course, I didn’t mean-”

“Tell me.”

Anita thought back to her conversation with Kendall. Looking at the anxious man in front of her, she knew this wasn’t going to be easy.

“Kendall, you can’t push yourself like this. You need to take care of yourself and the baby.” Anita shook her head and helped Kendall back into bed, pulling the covers up over her.

“Bianca?” Kendall whispered hoarsely.

“She went with Zach to the cafeteria to get something to eat. I’ll tell you what. Why don’t you rest and I’ll go get Zach for you? Maybe he can convince you to stay in bed.”

Kendall shook her head. “Please don’t tell him about this,” she begged, her green eyes filling with tears.

“Honey, why not? It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Your body was just tired.” She pushed back a curl that had fallen on Kendall’s cheek. “Between the accident and the baby, he’ll understand-”

“He doesn’t know,” Kendall whispered, closing her eyes briefly as she pictured his reaction.

“Kendall, I know this probably isn’t the way you wanted him to find out, but-”Anita stopped when Kendall grabbed her hand and began squeezing it.

“You can’t tell him, Anita,” she panicked. “Promise me you won’t tell him!”

Anita heard the hysteria in her voice and tried to calm her down. “He’s worried about you. He needs to know about the baby in order to help you.”

“No!” Kendall sobbed. “He can’t. He can’t, he can’t, he can’t…” Her voice faded away as she cried.

“Shh,” Anita whispered as she pulled Kendall into a hug, her mind racing. It’s only right that Kendall be the one to tell Zach about the baby, she thought to herself. “I promise I won’t tell him, honey. I promise.” She felt Kendall finally relax and helped her to lie back down.

Kendall searched Anita’s face and nodded before closing her eyes and finally allowing her body to rest.

“Anita?” Zach’s impatience was apparent in his voice.

She took a deep breath. “She managed to unhook her IV and get herself out of bed.”

“What was she doing out of bed? She was just in an accident, for God’s sake.” Zach thrust a hand through his hair.

“Evidently she was feeling sick, Zach. I found her curled up on the floor of the bathroom.” Anita watched the man in front of her pale.

“I need to see her.” It wasn’t a request.

Anita nodded. “For a few minutes. She needs to rest, Zach. Her body has been through a lot in the past twenty-four hours.”

So has the baby, he thought to himself. “Thank you for taking care of her,” he said quietly before turning and walking back to Kendall’s door. He hesitated briefly, before sighing and letting himself inside.

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Edited by: jekyll and hyde 6 at: 9/17/06 8:24 pm

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